---
you're sitting in your room. outside, the world is beeping and whirring. there are dogs fighting at the feet of your building. they sound sngry.
you're sitting in a foreign country that feels like home. you're alone, and you're sitting on your bed, tuned out to the noise of your air conditioner making sweet love to your fan, which coos and breathes fresh air all around your tiny room, circulating it's inanimate desires through your hair.
you've just gotten a visa approved by the thai immigration, and you're not sure of what that means, in terms of both your "career" in thailand, and also your life. but it feels good.
"should i stay here in this office all the time and become a displaced hard-working cog in a wheel which squeaks in a different language?" you think to yourself, as mosquitos land upon your body and bite through your skin.
"should i stay here and ask for some freedom; the ability to explore and research on my own and with other like-minded individuals, building both a better understanding of myself and my surroundings?," you ask yourself, as the bites, now devoid of local blood, begins to engorge with white blood cells, attempting to down the swelling.
you're lying back on your bed now. the walls of your room stay quiet, reflecting all of your worries and overwhelming self-questioning back upon you with it's mute energy. the sun has set, and it's nighttime again. you want to sleep, but you have nothing but awakedness running through your mind.
you're walking down the steps to go watch television. "tomorrow will be the best day ever," you think to yourself and you will drink a cup of luke-warm water. the screen is flickering it's ultraviolet radiation into your ocular cavities and skin, and you're fine.
---
Monday, May 24, 2004
Friday, May 21, 2004
" the stuff that international chats are made of "
---
BESHY (23:27:55): your life is so comprehensively documented
weederman23 (23:28:02): strange huh:?
BESHY (23:28:11): cool
weederman23 (23:28:19): i divulge because i have no one close enough to keep secrets with
BESHY (23:28:30): interesting
BESHY (23:28:36): that might explain it
weederman23 (23:29:31): it's a literary self-defense mechanism, and why i am not sought out more; because everything is laid out, but what people don't realize is that's not everything, ou see...it's only a small detail in the rich tapestry that is "bay"
weederman23 (23:29:47): or does that sound too egomaniacal?
weederman23 (23:29:54): you want to hang out sometime?
weederman23 (23:30:01): ...
BESHY (23:30:13): lol
BESHY (23:30:24): i'm going back to cali but you won't be there?
BESHY (23:30:31): that wasn't a question
weederman23 (23:30:39): i was a little confused
weederman23 (23:30:44): but only for a second
BESHY (23:31:17): i'm going to explode bay
BESHY (23:31:22): stand back
weederman23 (23:31:37): (this is me taking cover behind a small bush)
BESHY (23:32:21): ..4...3...2
weederman23 (23:32:41): (this is me placing a hat on, and not a trucker hat either)
BESHY (23:33:16): to played out
weederman23 (23:33:28): yes, yes it's true
weederman23 (23:34:21): man i miss you now
BESHY (23:34:33): yeah me too
weederman23 (23:34:57): you should come here and wear turquoise and drink guava juice in gray boy cut briefs while sitting on the beach with me
weederman23 (23:35:04): sound kosher?
BESHY (23:35:25): Im on my way, bay
weederman23 (23:35:36): i like that
---
BESHY (23:27:55): your life is so comprehensively documented
weederman23 (23:28:02): strange huh:?
BESHY (23:28:11): cool
weederman23 (23:28:19): i divulge because i have no one close enough to keep secrets with
BESHY (23:28:30): interesting
BESHY (23:28:36): that might explain it
weederman23 (23:29:31): it's a literary self-defense mechanism, and why i am not sought out more; because everything is laid out, but what people don't realize is that's not everything, ou see...it's only a small detail in the rich tapestry that is "bay"
weederman23 (23:29:47): or does that sound too egomaniacal?
weederman23 (23:29:54): you want to hang out sometime?
weederman23 (23:30:01): ...
BESHY (23:30:13): lol
BESHY (23:30:24): i'm going back to cali but you won't be there?
BESHY (23:30:31): that wasn't a question
weederman23 (23:30:39): i was a little confused
weederman23 (23:30:44): but only for a second
BESHY (23:31:17): i'm going to explode bay
BESHY (23:31:22): stand back
weederman23 (23:31:37): (this is me taking cover behind a small bush)
BESHY (23:32:21): ..4...3...2
weederman23 (23:32:41): (this is me placing a hat on, and not a trucker hat either)
BESHY (23:33:16): to played out
weederman23 (23:33:28): yes, yes it's true
weederman23 (23:34:21): man i miss you now
BESHY (23:34:33): yeah me too
weederman23 (23:34:57): you should come here and wear turquoise and drink guava juice in gray boy cut briefs while sitting on the beach with me
weederman23 (23:35:04): sound kosher?
BESHY (23:35:25): Im on my way, bay
weederman23 (23:35:36): i like that
---
Thursday, May 20, 2004
"this is how you know you are really alone, or going crazy "
---
weederman23 (21:24:27): whaaddup?
weederman23 (21:24:27): whaaddup?
weederman23 (21:24:48): you are now having a conversation with yourself
weederman23 (21:24:49): you are now having a conversation with yourself
weederman23 (21:25:13): you need to do something else a little bit more constructive, don't you think?
weederman23 (21:25:13): you need to do something else a little bit more constructive, don't you think?
weederman23 (21:25:20): stop repeating me!
weederman23 (21:25:20): stop repeating me!
weederman23 (21:25:25): stop it!
weederman23 (21:25:25): stop it!
weederman23 (21:25:31): i maean it!!
weederman23 (21:25:32): i maean it!!
weederman23 (21:25:41): ahhh i hate you, you always do this to me!
weederman23 (21:25:41): ahhh i hate you, you always do this to me!
weederman23 (21:25:45): fine.
weederman23 (21:25:46): fine.
weederman23 (21:25:52): i just won't talk to you then.
weederman23 (21:25:53): i just won't talk to you then.
weederman23 (21:26:02): i'm not talking to you
weederman23 (21:26:02): i'm not talking to you
weederman23 (21:26:07): here i go
weederman23 (21:26:08): here i go
weederman23 (21:26:42): are you done now!
weederman23 (21:26:42): are you done now!
weederman23 (21:26:48): i'm going home
weederman23 (21:26:48): i'm going home
---
weederman23 (21:24:27): whaaddup?
weederman23 (21:24:27): whaaddup?
weederman23 (21:24:48): you are now having a conversation with yourself
weederman23 (21:24:49): you are now having a conversation with yourself
weederman23 (21:25:13): you need to do something else a little bit more constructive, don't you think?
weederman23 (21:25:13): you need to do something else a little bit more constructive, don't you think?
weederman23 (21:25:20): stop repeating me!
weederman23 (21:25:20): stop repeating me!
weederman23 (21:25:25): stop it!
weederman23 (21:25:25): stop it!
weederman23 (21:25:31): i maean it!!
weederman23 (21:25:32): i maean it!!
weederman23 (21:25:41): ahhh i hate you, you always do this to me!
weederman23 (21:25:41): ahhh i hate you, you always do this to me!
weederman23 (21:25:45): fine.
weederman23 (21:25:46): fine.
weederman23 (21:25:52): i just won't talk to you then.
weederman23 (21:25:53): i just won't talk to you then.
weederman23 (21:26:02): i'm not talking to you
weederman23 (21:26:02): i'm not talking to you
weederman23 (21:26:07): here i go
weederman23 (21:26:08): here i go
weederman23 (21:26:42): are you done now!
weederman23 (21:26:42): are you done now!
weederman23 (21:26:48): i'm going home
weederman23 (21:26:48): i'm going home
---
" three short stories on the nature of longing and desire "
---
" why college sucked "
- And there you are, sitting in class waiting with your large blank spread of note paper in your sights. The quiet still of the room’s silence broken only by the white-noise sound of a thousand pencils composing.
The girl you love sits up and to the right of you. She looks beautiful today; short hair done up in a kerchief pinned with some clips, no makeup except some light eyeliner, spaghetti strap tank. Look at those shoulder freckles, you think to yourself before thinking that you’re going to pass out.
She has a blue gas jacket on which sags and hangs at her elbows, a black pleated skirt which sits at the cliffs of her knees and shroud her long beautiful beautiful legs. Simple ankle socks and some mary-janes. These are the things that make people crazy; looking that good without trying at all.
And she sits there working on her creative writing, probably coming up with some of the most revelatory, complex, and altogether consuming passages, while you sit with your blank piece of nothing, inventing nothing but bits of spurious fictionless poison.
---
" for the love of cicely "
- You’re in love with her.
Cicely; her name reminds you of spices and far off places, of that show in the 90’s Northern Exposure, and of sweet summer sweat.
You met her when she was 16 and the first thing she said to you, was that you are the most interesting person she had ever met. You both stood on the street and stared at squirrels eating nuts that you two fed to them.
And even though you both share a great many things in common, one of them is not shrinking heads in a hoojoo-type manner and selling the shrunken heads on the Guatemalan black market.
Even though you think to yourself that she is insane, you also remember that you are in love with her.
---
" of dark matter and the tea-shop girl "
- You see her once in a while, walking around, or shopping, or in line at the local theatre.
Today, she sits in the tea shop, alone, wearing a beige overcoat and reading a red covered book.
Everytime you see her, you wonder what kind of things does she like to do. You wonder silently to yourself, through the large window pane, if she could ever like a boy like you.
She flips pages like she is slowly waiting for each word to anchor in her bright mind, before setting off on another voyage to fill in the image. She wears an assortment of different rings on each of her fingers; some shiny, metal, some big and jelly-colored.
She laughs to herself in a little inward chuckle, and you think that you might crumble in a pile right there at the window. You decide to go inside and sit down.
You choose the table where she’s sitting and you introduce yourself. She smiles at you and asks what you name is.
A nature like this doesn’t repeat itself very often.
Tonight you will drink tea together and laugh and you will share with her that since dark matter in the known and distant universe is expanding, causing the rapid deterioration of what we know as the galaxy, she should go to the movies with you.
Because of these intergalactic facts and limited time frame, you two must fall in love right then and never have a second doubt about each other again.
You will kiss her on her cantelope lips in the teashop, and your heart will flutter while she pulls away with a wide smile which shines. You feel elated and think to yourself, thank god for the death of the universe, now romance has a chance to survive.
---
" why college sucked "
- And there you are, sitting in class waiting with your large blank spread of note paper in your sights. The quiet still of the room’s silence broken only by the white-noise sound of a thousand pencils composing.
The girl you love sits up and to the right of you. She looks beautiful today; short hair done up in a kerchief pinned with some clips, no makeup except some light eyeliner, spaghetti strap tank. Look at those shoulder freckles, you think to yourself before thinking that you’re going to pass out.
She has a blue gas jacket on which sags and hangs at her elbows, a black pleated skirt which sits at the cliffs of her knees and shroud her long beautiful beautiful legs. Simple ankle socks and some mary-janes. These are the things that make people crazy; looking that good without trying at all.
And she sits there working on her creative writing, probably coming up with some of the most revelatory, complex, and altogether consuming passages, while you sit with your blank piece of nothing, inventing nothing but bits of spurious fictionless poison.
---
" for the love of cicely "
- You’re in love with her.
Cicely; her name reminds you of spices and far off places, of that show in the 90’s Northern Exposure, and of sweet summer sweat.
You met her when she was 16 and the first thing she said to you, was that you are the most interesting person she had ever met. You both stood on the street and stared at squirrels eating nuts that you two fed to them.
And even though you both share a great many things in common, one of them is not shrinking heads in a hoojoo-type manner and selling the shrunken heads on the Guatemalan black market.
Even though you think to yourself that she is insane, you also remember that you are in love with her.
---
" of dark matter and the tea-shop girl "
- You see her once in a while, walking around, or shopping, or in line at the local theatre.
Today, she sits in the tea shop, alone, wearing a beige overcoat and reading a red covered book.
Everytime you see her, you wonder what kind of things does she like to do. You wonder silently to yourself, through the large window pane, if she could ever like a boy like you.
She flips pages like she is slowly waiting for each word to anchor in her bright mind, before setting off on another voyage to fill in the image. She wears an assortment of different rings on each of her fingers; some shiny, metal, some big and jelly-colored.
She laughs to herself in a little inward chuckle, and you think that you might crumble in a pile right there at the window. You decide to go inside and sit down.
You choose the table where she’s sitting and you introduce yourself. She smiles at you and asks what you name is.
A nature like this doesn’t repeat itself very often.
Tonight you will drink tea together and laugh and you will share with her that since dark matter in the known and distant universe is expanding, causing the rapid deterioration of what we know as the galaxy, she should go to the movies with you.
Because of these intergalactic facts and limited time frame, you two must fall in love right then and never have a second doubt about each other again.
You will kiss her on her cantelope lips in the teashop, and your heart will flutter while she pulls away with a wide smile which shines. You feel elated and think to yourself, thank god for the death of the universe, now romance has a chance to survive.
---
" down to the south-a visualization "
---
Buy a ticket,
take the train down,
down to the deep south where the heat swelters and the air lingers heavy,
thick with the sweet scent of jackfruit and the tropical breeze from the sea.
A dark house’s insides,
the smell indoors dank and of fresh fruit and sand.
Through the back doorway
lies a small backyard with a small grove
of starfruit trees.
The light comes in
through the leaves and fruits
as a small boy plays
below in the shade.
---
Buy a ticket,
take the train down,
down to the deep south where the heat swelters and the air lingers heavy,
thick with the sweet scent of jackfruit and the tropical breeze from the sea.
A dark house’s insides,
the smell indoors dank and of fresh fruit and sand.
Through the back doorway
lies a small backyard with a small grove
of starfruit trees.
The light comes in
through the leaves and fruits
as a small boy plays
below in the shade.
---
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
" this is to verify that my humor is intact still "
---
weederman23 (23:37:16): there youa rte
weederman23 (23:37:21): are
weederman23 (23:37:30): i see you and your mutant dog
Daffie26 (23:37:51): yes yes
weederman23 (23:37:58): i miss you, you know
Daffie26 (23:38:43): i miss you
weederman23 (23:39:23): i remember when you were but a little flower bud, and now look at you, in full blossom, and smelling just as swell
Daffie26 (23:39:52): gross!
weederman23 (23:40:04): wha?
weederman23 (23:40:48): that's not a compliment?
Daffie26 (23:40:57): haha. no it is. thank you
weederman23 (23:41:28): you are funny and that's why all the boys like you
Daffie26 (23:41:47): i got asked out!! by email
weederman23 (23:41:59): whoah
weederman23 (23:42:04): divulge sir
Daffie26 (23:42:13): so I was like....um...blah blah blah...boyfriend
weederman23 (23:42:47): and he was all
weederman23 (23:42:49): ...
weederman23 (23:42:59): ...should hook the eff up....dinner?
Daffie26 (23:43:38): um. no
weederman23 (23:44:04): oh
weederman23 (23:44:52): it must be tough being so admired
Daffie26 (23:45:42): OH I KNOW
weederman23 (23:45:51): lol
Daffie26 (23:47:30): oh! can you hold ong?
Daffie26 is away at 23:47:43.
weederman23 (23:51:01): yeah?
Auto response from Daffie26 (23:51:01): Hi weederman23, I'm on the phone.
Daffie26 returned at 23:53:45.
weederman23 (23:55:39): you're lucky you're cute
Daffie26 (23:55:44): i'm back
weederman23 (23:56:22): my favorite word and conjunction combo
weederman23 (23:56:27): yeah
Daffie26 (23:56:33): i like vuluptuous
weederman23 (23:57:16): that's nice
Daffie26 (23:57:38): i feel like shouting YOU'RE A WHORE
Daffie26 (23:57:46): but instead I will say something about a bird
Daffie26 (23:57:55): and then I'll tell you something else
Daffie26 (23:58:01): OH! YOU ARE VALIDATING ME
Daffie26 (23:58:16): but that's not waht I wanted to say, I wanted to say that I'm going to lunch cuz I'm HUNGRY.
weederman23 (23:58:40): you are so weird and hot over the net
weederman23 (23:58:41): lol
Daffie26 (23:58:53): you MUST be validating me
weederman23 (23:59:36): i told you
weederman23 (23:59:38): i miss you
weederman23 (0:00:23): but i allow you to go eat
Daffie26 (0:00:37): yes. yes. I KNOW what you are up to
Daffie26 (0:00:45): but yes. and now: ONWARD AND ONWARD
weederman23 (0:00:56): what am i up to?
Daffie26 (0:00:56): i miss you too!
Daffie26 (0:01:04): oh nothing.
Daffie26 (0:01:10): ok CHOMP CHOMP
Daffie26 (0:01:19): tah tah toodleooo
Daffie26 (0:01:23): May 21st I'm coming home
weederman23 (0:01:27): ohh
Daffie26 (0:01:27): May 26 I'm 21
weederman23 (0:01:31): i wish i could see you
weederman23 (0:02:07): alas i am international, so i'll have to settle with you being in the same town i used to live in
Daffie26 (0:02:34): alas
Daffie26 (0:02:36): alack
weederman23 (0:03:55): i'll dream of you in a couple days
weederman23 (0:04:03): in a clean friendly way
Daffie26 (0:04:29): great. use soap.
Daffie26 (0:04:33): bye!
Daffie26 signed off at 0:04:35.
---
weederman23 (23:37:16): there youa rte
weederman23 (23:37:21): are
weederman23 (23:37:30): i see you and your mutant dog
Daffie26 (23:37:51): yes yes
weederman23 (23:37:58): i miss you, you know
Daffie26 (23:38:43): i miss you
weederman23 (23:39:23): i remember when you were but a little flower bud, and now look at you, in full blossom, and smelling just as swell
Daffie26 (23:39:52): gross!
weederman23 (23:40:04): wha?
weederman23 (23:40:48): that's not a compliment?
Daffie26 (23:40:57): haha. no it is. thank you
weederman23 (23:41:28): you are funny and that's why all the boys like you
Daffie26 (23:41:47): i got asked out!! by email
weederman23 (23:41:59): whoah
weederman23 (23:42:04): divulge sir
Daffie26 (23:42:13): so I was like....um...blah blah blah...boyfriend
weederman23 (23:42:47): and he was all
weederman23 (23:42:49): ...
weederman23 (23:42:59): ...should hook the eff up....dinner?
Daffie26 (23:43:38): um. no
weederman23 (23:44:04): oh
weederman23 (23:44:52): it must be tough being so admired
Daffie26 (23:45:42): OH I KNOW
weederman23 (23:45:51): lol
Daffie26 (23:47:30): oh! can you hold ong?
Daffie26 is away at 23:47:43.
weederman23 (23:51:01): yeah?
Auto response from Daffie26 (23:51:01): Hi weederman23, I'm on the phone.
Daffie26 returned at 23:53:45.
weederman23 (23:55:39): you're lucky you're cute
Daffie26 (23:55:44): i'm back
weederman23 (23:56:22): my favorite word and conjunction combo
weederman23 (23:56:27): yeah
Daffie26 (23:56:33): i like vuluptuous
weederman23 (23:57:16): that's nice
Daffie26 (23:57:38): i feel like shouting YOU'RE A WHORE
Daffie26 (23:57:46): but instead I will say something about a bird
Daffie26 (23:57:55): and then I'll tell you something else
Daffie26 (23:58:01): OH! YOU ARE VALIDATING ME
Daffie26 (23:58:16): but that's not waht I wanted to say, I wanted to say that I'm going to lunch cuz I'm HUNGRY.
weederman23 (23:58:40): you are so weird and hot over the net
weederman23 (23:58:41): lol
Daffie26 (23:58:53): you MUST be validating me
weederman23 (23:59:36): i told you
weederman23 (23:59:38): i miss you
weederman23 (0:00:23): but i allow you to go eat
Daffie26 (0:00:37): yes. yes. I KNOW what you are up to
Daffie26 (0:00:45): but yes. and now: ONWARD AND ONWARD
weederman23 (0:00:56): what am i up to?
Daffie26 (0:00:56): i miss you too!
Daffie26 (0:01:04): oh nothing.
Daffie26 (0:01:10): ok CHOMP CHOMP
Daffie26 (0:01:19): tah tah toodleooo
Daffie26 (0:01:23): May 21st I'm coming home
weederman23 (0:01:27): ohh
Daffie26 (0:01:27): May 26 I'm 21
weederman23 (0:01:31): i wish i could see you
weederman23 (0:02:07): alas i am international, so i'll have to settle with you being in the same town i used to live in
Daffie26 (0:02:34): alas
Daffie26 (0:02:36): alack
weederman23 (0:03:55): i'll dream of you in a couple days
weederman23 (0:04:03): in a clean friendly way
Daffie26 (0:04:29): great. use soap.
Daffie26 (0:04:33): bye!
Daffie26 signed off at 0:04:35.
---
" it can happen just once, late in the day, and still the whole thing's shot "
---
you have a misunderstanding late in the day, and you decide that it's not really worth it to go further than it already has. the time looms near 10 in the PM. you wonder if this silence will ever be broken and it seems now, that it never will.
why are humans so bent on being right? when you hit a snag in communication, how come there is no other way to get through it, other than giving each other the coldest shoulder you know how to give?
there has to be another way, don't you think?
it can happen just once, late in the day, and still the whole thing's shot. suddenly nothing matters. smiles fade into frowns and unfamiliars. there's no middle ground between you two. and all of a sudden, you are not just both not seeing eye to eye, you are also temporary strangers.
how many minutes can this go on, you start to think to yourself. ten minutes. an hour. long enough for both of you to go home and not say a word to each other for the rest of the next day.
how long enough of a silence must there be between two people, before they can begin to communicate again? at the moment it seems suprising that i am even here, and i have to ask myself if this slight misunderstanding is worth all of useless negativity.
it then becomes not a test of your emotional endurance, but mutates into this dark disagreement in which both parties barely try to help each other understand.
is this what being an elevated form of life feels like these days?
---
you have a misunderstanding late in the day, and you decide that it's not really worth it to go further than it already has. the time looms near 10 in the PM. you wonder if this silence will ever be broken and it seems now, that it never will.
why are humans so bent on being right? when you hit a snag in communication, how come there is no other way to get through it, other than giving each other the coldest shoulder you know how to give?
there has to be another way, don't you think?
it can happen just once, late in the day, and still the whole thing's shot. suddenly nothing matters. smiles fade into frowns and unfamiliars. there's no middle ground between you two. and all of a sudden, you are not just both not seeing eye to eye, you are also temporary strangers.
how many minutes can this go on, you start to think to yourself. ten minutes. an hour. long enough for both of you to go home and not say a word to each other for the rest of the next day.
how long enough of a silence must there be between two people, before they can begin to communicate again? at the moment it seems suprising that i am even here, and i have to ask myself if this slight misunderstanding is worth all of useless negativity.
it then becomes not a test of your emotional endurance, but mutates into this dark disagreement in which both parties barely try to help each other understand.
is this what being an elevated form of life feels like these days?
---
Monday, May 17, 2004
" waiting for the right moment to arrive "
---
weederman23 (23:45:33): goood i was waiting just for you to sign on!
Kishka4 (23:45:35): are ya there?
Kishka4 (23:45:36): hey!
weederman23 (23:45:46): whay are you late???!?
Kishka4 (23:45:48): no you werent :-[
weederman23 (23:45:54): i was!
Kishka4 (23:45:54): late?
weederman23 (23:46:00): and i want to go to bed sooo bad
Kishka4 (23:46:07): what time is it?
weederman23 (23:46:10): it's lik 9.45
weederman23 (23:46:13): for you
Kishka4 (23:46:16): yup
weederman23 (23:46:19): it's almost midnight here
weederman23 (23:46:23): booyah
weederman23 (23:46:27): ooh speaking of booyah
weederman23 (23:46:31): ---
sha'wick wick waaaaah
sha'wick wick waaaah,
wick wicka wick wick
sh'wicky sh'wicky wahhh,
zzzzzttt!
an all y'all peeps can kiss my ace
slappin' and pimpin' all o'er this piece
ain't no jiving
no milkin' or janglin'
ain't no ham bome five dolla' shanklin'
da, tssshh,
duh duh da tssshhh,
da duh duh da da,
da da tsshh
don' want no beef, deep fried pork or squid
these yokles and jokles just fergot what dey done did
just gimme the beat
the rythym and the ryhme
then jump back jack, i'mma take it one time
peas ouuuuuut!
sha'wick wick waaaaah
sha'wick wick waaaah,
wick wicka wick wick
sh'wicky sh'wicky wahhh,
zzzzzttt!
---
(wash, rinse, repeat)
Kishka4 (23:46:37): almost midnight yeaterday? or today
weederman23 (23:46:54): tomorrow
weederman23 (23:46:58): well for you
weederman23 (23:47:05): read my rap i just made up
Kishka4 (23:47:10): nice
Kishka4 (23:47:17): you are crazy!
weederman23 (23:47:22): you didn't read it yet
weederman23 (23:47:23): !
weederman23 (23:47:25): :(
weederman23 (23:47:28): i'll wait
Kishka4 (23:47:30): yes i didddd
weederman23 (23:47:38): did you do all of the sound effects?
weederman23 (23:47:46): you didn't did you?
Kishka4 (23:47:50): i tried
weederman23 (23:47:59): ah yes, for some the task is too much
weederman23 (23:48:09): if you do though, it's really quite enchanting
---
weederman23 (23:45:33): goood i was waiting just for you to sign on!
Kishka4 (23:45:35): are ya there?
Kishka4 (23:45:36): hey!
weederman23 (23:45:46): whay are you late???!?
Kishka4 (23:45:48): no you werent :-[
weederman23 (23:45:54): i was!
Kishka4 (23:45:54): late?
weederman23 (23:46:00): and i want to go to bed sooo bad
Kishka4 (23:46:07): what time is it?
weederman23 (23:46:10): it's lik 9.45
weederman23 (23:46:13): for you
Kishka4 (23:46:16): yup
weederman23 (23:46:19): it's almost midnight here
weederman23 (23:46:23): booyah
weederman23 (23:46:27): ooh speaking of booyah
weederman23 (23:46:31): ---
sha'wick wick waaaaah
sha'wick wick waaaah,
wick wicka wick wick
sh'wicky sh'wicky wahhh,
zzzzzttt!
an all y'all peeps can kiss my ace
slappin' and pimpin' all o'er this piece
ain't no jiving
no milkin' or janglin'
ain't no ham bome five dolla' shanklin'
da, tssshh,
duh duh da tssshhh,
da duh duh da da,
da da tsshh
don' want no beef, deep fried pork or squid
these yokles and jokles just fergot what dey done did
just gimme the beat
the rythym and the ryhme
then jump back jack, i'mma take it one time
peas ouuuuuut!
sha'wick wick waaaaah
sha'wick wick waaaah,
wick wicka wick wick
sh'wicky sh'wicky wahhh,
zzzzzttt!
---
(wash, rinse, repeat)
Kishka4 (23:46:37): almost midnight yeaterday? or today
weederman23 (23:46:54): tomorrow
weederman23 (23:46:58): well for you
weederman23 (23:47:05): read my rap i just made up
Kishka4 (23:47:10): nice
Kishka4 (23:47:17): you are crazy!
weederman23 (23:47:22): you didn't read it yet
weederman23 (23:47:23): !
weederman23 (23:47:25): :(
weederman23 (23:47:28): i'll wait
Kishka4 (23:47:30): yes i didddd
weederman23 (23:47:38): did you do all of the sound effects?
weederman23 (23:47:46): you didn't did you?
Kishka4 (23:47:50): i tried
weederman23 (23:47:59): ah yes, for some the task is too much
weederman23 (23:48:09): if you do though, it's really quite enchanting
---
" duh duh duh duh, bay's storytime! "
---
: Lek’s Find :
by
C. Bay Milin
It was getting to be around dusk, and the heat was settling in for the night over the bright city. Lek stood crooked on the side of the road, waiting for the 83 bus to come. The smog from the city felt as if it was covering her entire body with unclean invisible hands. The humidity was a sweltering 98 degrees, and Lek could feel her head pounding along with the rhythym of her heartbeat.
She looked down at her small tan legs and remembered how she saw a group of girls having a snack after their school was out, how happy they looked in their crisp uniforms, and how their legs were all a glowing creamy white. She scrunched her brow in disappointment at her own acursed legs, and remembered that she didn’t care about them anyway.
A boy to her right was obviously off work, wearing his bright purple uniform and matching visor. Sweat was soaking through the poorly stitched seams of his shirt. At his lower back was the reminder of how long he had been outside waiting for the bus. She thought the pattern of perspiration which crept up his back, resembled the long legs of an octopus or a squid. As if the boy could sense that she was looking at him, he cast her a glance, and she looked down to the dirty curb. As he looked away, she smiled inwardly and to herself.
The bus arrived amid the millions of other vehicles struggling to get through the thick night traffic. It roared and spewed smoke and seemed to be a live beast contained within a metal prison. Lek hopped up into the doorway, mounting the bus which barely slowed down long enough to allow the sixteen other passengers time to board. She helped up an older woman, who reminded her of her grandmother, onto the bus; the woman’s groceries adding another level of difficulty.
Once inside the metal beast, she took a vacant seat next to an open window and propped her arm up on the sill. As the bus chortled and stuggled forward, she welcomed the slight breeze even though the air was noticably more polluted at this height.
The money collector came by and took the fare. She saw his sweaty face and how he repeated his mantra over and over like a summer cicada. She wondered how long he had held this job as a bus money collector. Lek handed to him a five-baht piece and three one-baht pieces. She remembered that this was the change left from her normal lunch of noodle soup with fishballs.
Lek sat up straight in her seat, remembering that her mother always told her to look her best. She looked up to see the multiple-array of fans whirring away above her. She noticed that the fan right above her seat was broken. Spreading her legs out, she felt how her feet slid upon the wooden floors of the bus through her slippers; the sandy grain of a thousand passengers settled among the long worn planks.
After a long day of helping her father sell what little goods they had at their stall, she tried to come up with a plan that could help them out. Her father had been a sucessful businessman, dealing in concrete and construction textiles with many international contacts. After the economic collapse of 1997 all over Southeast Asia, he had to sell his business. He only had connections with some other small local companies, so they all formed a company together, and had been scrapping along ever since. Lek hated selling bags of powdered concrete; the smell of chalky chemicals still burned deep within her dry nostrils.
The bus rides home always seemed to take forever, and Lek looked up at the tall magnificence of the office buildings of large foreign corporations, gleaming in all sorts of neon colors, as nighttime crept up upon the twilight in the city. She took out of her shorts pocket a small winnie-the-pooh handkerchief and covered her nose and mouth, protecting it from the passing exhaust of the hundreds of other automobiles.
As she extended her right foot out futher, she felt something soft brush up against her pinkie-toe. Looking down, she noticed a small fold of something resting on the floorboards in front of her. If one weren’t looking directly at it, it might seem to not be there at all. Looking around, she scanned the bus and its passengers with her dark brown eyes, trying to see if someone had recently dropped it there. But no one seemed to look as if they had just lost something.
Lek glanced back down at the object at her feet. It looked as if it had been in that dank part of the bus for a long time; the dark color of the leather face indicating a long-term usage in the sweaty back pocekt of some faceless person. She thought innocently to herself, since it looked as if it had been there a long while, what then would be the harm of liberating this insignificant something from its mobile humid coffin.
Lek leaned in slowly, pretending to readjust her worn slippers’ tired buckle. The bus lurched forward abruptly and then all-of-a-suddendly came to a jolted halt. Lek hit her head hard upon the metal backing of the seat ahead of hers. Everyone on the bus heaved forward like a school of shiny carp, fleeing an impending fisherman’s net. Each person uttering a collective and silumtaneous wail of momentary terror.
This unforseen movement allowed enough distraction for Lek to snatch up the object unnoticed. She propped herself back up rubbing her crown; a dull singing of painful songbirds encircled the top of her head. She felt an aching lull of a spot atop her skull, expanding with a new bright ill sensation.
In her right hand, she could feel the object, safely in her posession. She leaned into the wall of her seat as close as she could, so that she could take a closer look. It was a billfold wallet, worn and tired-looking. If it had a face, it would be sad and wrinkled; a lifetime of tears shed in the light of being forgotten and lost. She held her breath, opened the main flap, and peered inside.
It held nothing in its many pockets and crevices, except a large swollen clumsy fold of 1000-baht notes. Her eyes gleamed, but she held herself back from an outward reaction and remained collected. Taking her handkerchief, she carefully wrapped up the wallet, and held it tightly between her small brown hands.
The breeze coming in through the window felt suprisingly cool. Lek looked out of her seat, and into the rest of the world. The various sounds of the street: people yelling, motorcycles accelerating and revving, street vendors ringing tiny bells, and various automobiles bleating horns, all seemed to be lovely parts of the tapestry that is the city.
She saw her stop approaching, gathered herself up, and stood ready by the open doorway. The bus slowed down and she hopped off, feeling a new strength in her body. She flagged a motorcycle taxi and told the driver her destination. She climbed up and onto the warm black seat and leaned forward. She thought to herself that it’s much easier to ride a motorcycle in shorts.
She looked at all of the other ladies going home on their motorcycle taxis, sitting side-saddle; their weight ensuring only that they would stay on before the initial movement, but not much else. Life here is very interesting, she thought to herself as the motor revved, and was off.
She clutched the little blessing in her lap, told herself that she deserved this, and that it was okay that she took it from the bus. It didn’t make her a bad person.
Lek closed her eyes softly and lifted her head slightly upward. She felt the wind brushing through her hair and past her face. She thought of her dad and what she’d say to him, of what had happened, the ride home on the night bus, the sullen wallet, about her seemingly insignificant life, and how tomorrow, everything felt as if it would be somehow alright.
The scent of jasmine and fried foods from street stalls wafted past on the night air, as the city blurred poetically by. The wallet all wrapped up, felt warm and loved, as it glowed in her bright safe hands.
---
: Lek’s Find :
by
C. Bay Milin
It was getting to be around dusk, and the heat was settling in for the night over the bright city. Lek stood crooked on the side of the road, waiting for the 83 bus to come. The smog from the city felt as if it was covering her entire body with unclean invisible hands. The humidity was a sweltering 98 degrees, and Lek could feel her head pounding along with the rhythym of her heartbeat.
She looked down at her small tan legs and remembered how she saw a group of girls having a snack after their school was out, how happy they looked in their crisp uniforms, and how their legs were all a glowing creamy white. She scrunched her brow in disappointment at her own acursed legs, and remembered that she didn’t care about them anyway.
A boy to her right was obviously off work, wearing his bright purple uniform and matching visor. Sweat was soaking through the poorly stitched seams of his shirt. At his lower back was the reminder of how long he had been outside waiting for the bus. She thought the pattern of perspiration which crept up his back, resembled the long legs of an octopus or a squid. As if the boy could sense that she was looking at him, he cast her a glance, and she looked down to the dirty curb. As he looked away, she smiled inwardly and to herself.
The bus arrived amid the millions of other vehicles struggling to get through the thick night traffic. It roared and spewed smoke and seemed to be a live beast contained within a metal prison. Lek hopped up into the doorway, mounting the bus which barely slowed down long enough to allow the sixteen other passengers time to board. She helped up an older woman, who reminded her of her grandmother, onto the bus; the woman’s groceries adding another level of difficulty.
Once inside the metal beast, she took a vacant seat next to an open window and propped her arm up on the sill. As the bus chortled and stuggled forward, she welcomed the slight breeze even though the air was noticably more polluted at this height.
The money collector came by and took the fare. She saw his sweaty face and how he repeated his mantra over and over like a summer cicada. She wondered how long he had held this job as a bus money collector. Lek handed to him a five-baht piece and three one-baht pieces. She remembered that this was the change left from her normal lunch of noodle soup with fishballs.
Lek sat up straight in her seat, remembering that her mother always told her to look her best. She looked up to see the multiple-array of fans whirring away above her. She noticed that the fan right above her seat was broken. Spreading her legs out, she felt how her feet slid upon the wooden floors of the bus through her slippers; the sandy grain of a thousand passengers settled among the long worn planks.
After a long day of helping her father sell what little goods they had at their stall, she tried to come up with a plan that could help them out. Her father had been a sucessful businessman, dealing in concrete and construction textiles with many international contacts. After the economic collapse of 1997 all over Southeast Asia, he had to sell his business. He only had connections with some other small local companies, so they all formed a company together, and had been scrapping along ever since. Lek hated selling bags of powdered concrete; the smell of chalky chemicals still burned deep within her dry nostrils.
The bus rides home always seemed to take forever, and Lek looked up at the tall magnificence of the office buildings of large foreign corporations, gleaming in all sorts of neon colors, as nighttime crept up upon the twilight in the city. She took out of her shorts pocket a small winnie-the-pooh handkerchief and covered her nose and mouth, protecting it from the passing exhaust of the hundreds of other automobiles.
As she extended her right foot out futher, she felt something soft brush up against her pinkie-toe. Looking down, she noticed a small fold of something resting on the floorboards in front of her. If one weren’t looking directly at it, it might seem to not be there at all. Looking around, she scanned the bus and its passengers with her dark brown eyes, trying to see if someone had recently dropped it there. But no one seemed to look as if they had just lost something.
Lek glanced back down at the object at her feet. It looked as if it had been in that dank part of the bus for a long time; the dark color of the leather face indicating a long-term usage in the sweaty back pocekt of some faceless person. She thought innocently to herself, since it looked as if it had been there a long while, what then would be the harm of liberating this insignificant something from its mobile humid coffin.
Lek leaned in slowly, pretending to readjust her worn slippers’ tired buckle. The bus lurched forward abruptly and then all-of-a-suddendly came to a jolted halt. Lek hit her head hard upon the metal backing of the seat ahead of hers. Everyone on the bus heaved forward like a school of shiny carp, fleeing an impending fisherman’s net. Each person uttering a collective and silumtaneous wail of momentary terror.
This unforseen movement allowed enough distraction for Lek to snatch up the object unnoticed. She propped herself back up rubbing her crown; a dull singing of painful songbirds encircled the top of her head. She felt an aching lull of a spot atop her skull, expanding with a new bright ill sensation.
In her right hand, she could feel the object, safely in her posession. She leaned into the wall of her seat as close as she could, so that she could take a closer look. It was a billfold wallet, worn and tired-looking. If it had a face, it would be sad and wrinkled; a lifetime of tears shed in the light of being forgotten and lost. She held her breath, opened the main flap, and peered inside.
It held nothing in its many pockets and crevices, except a large swollen clumsy fold of 1000-baht notes. Her eyes gleamed, but she held herself back from an outward reaction and remained collected. Taking her handkerchief, she carefully wrapped up the wallet, and held it tightly between her small brown hands.
The breeze coming in through the window felt suprisingly cool. Lek looked out of her seat, and into the rest of the world. The various sounds of the street: people yelling, motorcycles accelerating and revving, street vendors ringing tiny bells, and various automobiles bleating horns, all seemed to be lovely parts of the tapestry that is the city.
She saw her stop approaching, gathered herself up, and stood ready by the open doorway. The bus slowed down and she hopped off, feeling a new strength in her body. She flagged a motorcycle taxi and told the driver her destination. She climbed up and onto the warm black seat and leaned forward. She thought to herself that it’s much easier to ride a motorcycle in shorts.
She looked at all of the other ladies going home on their motorcycle taxis, sitting side-saddle; their weight ensuring only that they would stay on before the initial movement, but not much else. Life here is very interesting, she thought to herself as the motor revved, and was off.
She clutched the little blessing in her lap, told herself that she deserved this, and that it was okay that she took it from the bus. It didn’t make her a bad person.
Lek closed her eyes softly and lifted her head slightly upward. She felt the wind brushing through her hair and past her face. She thought of her dad and what she’d say to him, of what had happened, the ride home on the night bus, the sullen wallet, about her seemingly insignificant life, and how tomorrow, everything felt as if it would be somehow alright.
The scent of jasmine and fried foods from street stalls wafted past on the night air, as the city blurred poetically by. The wallet all wrapped up, felt warm and loved, as it glowed in her bright safe hands.
---
Sunday, May 16, 2004
" an attempt at a short complete "
---
And there you are, sitting in class waiting with your large blank spread of note paper in your sights. The quiet still of the room’s silence broken only by the infectuous white-noise sound of a thousand pencils composing mesmerizing passages.
The girl you love sits up and to the right of you.
She looks beautiful today; short hair done up in a kerchief pinned with some clips, no makeup except some light eyeliner, spaghetti strap tank. Look at those shoulder freckles, you think to yourself before thinking that you’re going to pass out. tiny hoops in her ears, and shiny bangles on her wrists.
She has a blue gas jacket on which sags and hangs at her elbows, a black pleated skirt which sits at the cliffs of her knees and shroud her long beautiful beautiful legs. Simple ankle socks and some mary janes.
These are the things that make people crazy; looking that good without trying at all.
And she sits there working on her creative writing, probably coming up with some of the most revelatory, complex, and altogether consuming passages, while you sit with your blank piece of nothing, inventing nothing but ghostly bits of spurious, fictionless poison.
---
And there you are, sitting in class waiting with your large blank spread of note paper in your sights. The quiet still of the room’s silence broken only by the infectuous white-noise sound of a thousand pencils composing mesmerizing passages.
The girl you love sits up and to the right of you.
She looks beautiful today; short hair done up in a kerchief pinned with some clips, no makeup except some light eyeliner, spaghetti strap tank. Look at those shoulder freckles, you think to yourself before thinking that you’re going to pass out. tiny hoops in her ears, and shiny bangles on her wrists.
She has a blue gas jacket on which sags and hangs at her elbows, a black pleated skirt which sits at the cliffs of her knees and shroud her long beautiful beautiful legs. Simple ankle socks and some mary janes.
These are the things that make people crazy; looking that good without trying at all.
And she sits there working on her creative writing, probably coming up with some of the most revelatory, complex, and altogether consuming passages, while you sit with your blank piece of nothing, inventing nothing but ghostly bits of spurious, fictionless poison.
---
" the problem with everyone believing in you is... "
---
...what if you are not? what if you are not smart, or overwhelmingly charming, or attractive, or progressive, or amazing in bed, or confident, or well-groomed, or a good photgrapher, or any otf the things you hear about yourself?
what if instead, you sit everyday for at least an hour long, trying to think up of a simple story that has some reason to be, and cannot for the life of you, come up with anything brilliant, or something even close to heartfelt or compelling?
it would be devastating right?
...
good thing i don't have that problem.
(stop tape here, and rewind. once you have finished rewinding, press play again. repeat until you are happy with your life up to this point.)
---
...what if you are not? what if you are not smart, or overwhelmingly charming, or attractive, or progressive, or amazing in bed, or confident, or well-groomed, or a good photgrapher, or any otf the things you hear about yourself?
what if instead, you sit everyday for at least an hour long, trying to think up of a simple story that has some reason to be, and cannot for the life of you, come up with anything brilliant, or something even close to heartfelt or compelling?
it would be devastating right?
...
good thing i don't have that problem.
(stop tape here, and rewind. once you have finished rewinding, press play again. repeat until you are happy with your life up to this point.)
---
Friday, May 14, 2004
" and after a while, you forget about it "
---
bags? what? i what? eat out of a bag?
really?
yes, it's true folks, welcome to Thailand!
you eat out of a bag when you eat at street stalls.
meats and fruits come sliced and prepared in a bag with a sharp satay-stick with which to adequately jab the product with.
soups, ovaltine, coke, green spot and other liquid consumables too come in a bag; instead of a stick, you get a handy straw!
yes come to thailand where eating is an intercontinental adventure waiting for you, one delicious bag at a time.
if you act now, you might even get a bag with handles, wrapped in a rubber band, or even the sometimes surprising, often overlooked bag within a bag. what's in the second bag? you'll have to find out!
---
bags? what? i what? eat out of a bag?
really?
yes, it's true folks, welcome to Thailand!
you eat out of a bag when you eat at street stalls.
meats and fruits come sliced and prepared in a bag with a sharp satay-stick with which to adequately jab the product with.
soups, ovaltine, coke, green spot and other liquid consumables too come in a bag; instead of a stick, you get a handy straw!
yes come to thailand where eating is an intercontinental adventure waiting for you, one delicious bag at a time.
if you act now, you might even get a bag with handles, wrapped in a rubber band, or even the sometimes surprising, often overlooked bag within a bag. what's in the second bag? you'll have to find out!
---
Thursday, May 13, 2004
" it's hitch a ride on someone else's wave day! "
---
mira0013: hi
weederman23: whaddup
weederman23: i just found a great blog
mira0013: really?
weederman23: well, it's more of a literary blog
weederman23: each post is a new short story
mira0013: tight
weederman23: the storylinbes coming out of this girl (or guy) are really ....interesting?
weederman23: here save this link
mira0013: k
weederman23: http://www.girlsarepretty.com/
weederman23: every new post has a theme
weederman23: some of them are prettty good
weederman23: if anything it's a testament to how your mind can become more expressive and creative once you start to write every day
weederman23: i like that
mira0013: that's true
---
mira0013: hi
weederman23: whaddup
weederman23: i just found a great blog
mira0013: really?
weederman23: well, it's more of a literary blog
weederman23: each post is a new short story
mira0013: tight
weederman23: the storylinbes coming out of this girl (or guy) are really ....interesting?
weederman23: here save this link
mira0013: k
weederman23: http://www.girlsarepretty.com/
weederman23: every new post has a theme
weederman23: some of them are prettty good
weederman23: if anything it's a testament to how your mind can become more expressive and creative once you start to write every day
weederman23: i like that
mira0013: that's true
---
" what're you doing in june? "
---
if you guys aren't busy june the 26th, check this out!!!
Hi C. Bay Milin-
Thanks for submitting "Fallout LA" to the KQED "Photo of the Day" Gallery. Your
photo will be featured on KQED.org's homepage on June 26. http://www.kqed.org
Your photo will then reside in the "Photo of the Day" June 2004 Gallery.
http://www.kqed.org/topics/local/june04/
Be sure to spread the word about our new "Photo of the Day" feature and gallery.
We are always looking for excellent photos like yours to share with the KQED.org
community.
Thanks,
Wendy
KQED.org "Photo of the Day" Editor
another bay success story brought to you by bayco.
---
if you guys aren't busy june the 26th, check this out!!!
Hi C. Bay Milin-
Thanks for submitting "Fallout LA" to the KQED "Photo of the Day" Gallery. Your
photo will be featured on KQED.org's homepage on June 26. http://www.kqed.org
Your photo will then reside in the "Photo of the Day" June 2004 Gallery.
http://www.kqed.org/topics/local/june04/
Be sure to spread the word about our new "Photo of the Day" feature and gallery.
We are always looking for excellent photos like yours to share with the KQED.org
community.
Thanks,
Wendy
KQED.org "Photo of the Day" Editor
another bay success story brought to you by bayco.
---
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
" feel like the world is passing you by? "
---
weederman23: well hello
Daffie26: no!
weederman23: no?
weederman23: no hello?
Daffie26: YES!
Daffie26: hi
Daffie26: i mean--you can talk on IM?
weederman23: oh, so yes hello?
weederman23: yes, yes i can
Daffie26: woooooah
weederman23: whoah?
Daffie26: what time is it where you are?
weederman23: 8pm
weederman23: 8.20pm
Daffie26: GOOD LORD.
Daffie26: it's 3:30pm in France
weederman23: yes, i'm IMing you from the fuuuuuttttuuuuuurrrrrreeeeee
Daffie26: I'm talking to two foreignors
weederman23: you are quite the little miss international friend today aren't you?
Daffie26: so where are you right now?
Daffie26: YES!
weederman23: bangkok thailand, at the office
Daffie26: so you are a happy travelin'man, huh?
Daffie26: why are you in the office so late?
weederman23: happy to be in thailand and working guy
weederman23: work hours here are early early to the late late late
Daffie26: oh!
weederman23: plus i sort of live at the office
weederman23: on a nother floor of course
Daffie26: oh neat
Daffie26: so what the heck do you do all day in that office
Daffie26: do you have A/C?
weederman23: translation, web surfing, research, worry, ponder, letter write, and so on and so forth
weederman23: yes there is central AC
weederman23: so necessary for thailand right?
Daffie26: yes
weederman23:
http://www.latinoreview.com/
films_2004/touchstone/kingarthur/
finalposter.html
weederman23: so wait, what about this evokes king arthur again?
Daffie26: haha
Daffie26: the boobs
Daffie26: DUDE
weederman23: ah yes, where merlins' magic did wonders
weederman23: dude?
Daffie26: the poster looks like the same guy slapped on different font
Daffie26: and it's Pirates of the Carribbean
weederman23: that is true
weederman23: so now you have broken the subtle "code" that is mass marketing
weederman23: welcome to the bleed
Daffie26: is that supposed to be Guenivere or something like that?
weederman23: yes, yes it is
Daffie26: uh huh!!!
weederman23: oh i agree
weederman23: i'm going to post this conversation on my blog
Daffie26: :-D
---
weederman23: well hello
Daffie26: no!
weederman23: no?
weederman23: no hello?
Daffie26: YES!
Daffie26: hi
Daffie26: i mean--you can talk on IM?
weederman23: oh, so yes hello?
weederman23: yes, yes i can
Daffie26: woooooah
weederman23: whoah?
Daffie26: what time is it where you are?
weederman23: 8pm
weederman23: 8.20pm
Daffie26: GOOD LORD.
Daffie26: it's 3:30pm in France
weederman23: yes, i'm IMing you from the fuuuuuttttuuuuuurrrrrreeeeee
Daffie26: I'm talking to two foreignors
weederman23: you are quite the little miss international friend today aren't you?
Daffie26: so where are you right now?
Daffie26: YES!
weederman23: bangkok thailand, at the office
Daffie26: so you are a happy travelin'man, huh?
Daffie26: why are you in the office so late?
weederman23: happy to be in thailand and working guy
weederman23: work hours here are early early to the late late late
Daffie26: oh!
weederman23: plus i sort of live at the office
weederman23: on a nother floor of course
Daffie26: oh neat
Daffie26: so what the heck do you do all day in that office
Daffie26: do you have A/C?
weederman23: translation, web surfing, research, worry, ponder, letter write, and so on and so forth
weederman23: yes there is central AC
weederman23: so necessary for thailand right?
Daffie26: yes
weederman23:
http://www.latinoreview.com/
films_2004/touchstone/kingarthur/
finalposter.html
weederman23: so wait, what about this evokes king arthur again?
Daffie26: haha
Daffie26: the boobs
Daffie26: DUDE
weederman23: ah yes, where merlins' magic did wonders
weederman23: dude?
Daffie26: the poster looks like the same guy slapped on different font
Daffie26: and it's Pirates of the Carribbean
weederman23: that is true
weederman23: so now you have broken the subtle "code" that is mass marketing
weederman23: welcome to the bleed
Daffie26: is that supposed to be Guenivere or something like that?
weederman23: yes, yes it is
Daffie26: uh huh!!!
weederman23: oh i agree
weederman23: i'm going to post this conversation on my blog
Daffie26: :-D
---
" lapse of time "
---
all o'er the world, as you all sleep in your beds, things are going on:
cars are racing, stalling, breaking down. people are eating blueberry and banana pancakes in dimly lit all-nite diners, fat kids are trying to keep up with their slender friends on their way to school, whales are singing deep in the oceans, people are praying to whatever faith they believe in, animals are chewing, eyes are watering, hearts are being broken and healed, people and things are changing, breezes are shifting, pinballs are racking points, bosses are yelling at employees, bells are ringing and echoing upon the silent hills beyond, caverns are remaining hollow, snails are sliming away trying to get here to there, people are buying life-changing plane tickets, feelings are being hurt, candles are being lit, breaths are being held underwater, trains are chugging along, food is being digested, and small children are laughing.
all while you sleep in your bed.
fascinating, isn't it?
---
all o'er the world, as you all sleep in your beds, things are going on:
cars are racing, stalling, breaking down. people are eating blueberry and banana pancakes in dimly lit all-nite diners, fat kids are trying to keep up with their slender friends on their way to school, whales are singing deep in the oceans, people are praying to whatever faith they believe in, animals are chewing, eyes are watering, hearts are being broken and healed, people and things are changing, breezes are shifting, pinballs are racking points, bosses are yelling at employees, bells are ringing and echoing upon the silent hills beyond, caverns are remaining hollow, snails are sliming away trying to get here to there, people are buying life-changing plane tickets, feelings are being hurt, candles are being lit, breaths are being held underwater, trains are chugging along, food is being digested, and small children are laughing.
all while you sleep in your bed.
fascinating, isn't it?
---
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
" dreams of change "
---
it only seems right that i should get sick and have a sore throat now. outside the country is a raging humid tapestry of heatwaves, inside the slick everflowing icy cool of air conditioning filters throughout every crevice in the building.
when these two elemental states of being intermingle, how can the body help but shift inbetween extremes? subtley coexisting with an unending temperature flux.
so now my throat hurts, and i wish i had brought some nyquil, or dayquil, or any sort of meds from home other than the immodium AD and benedryl i brought with me. i mean, who can forsee all of the possible ailments you can come down with, while packing for just two weeks?
i suppose i'll just try to get through this day like yesterday, except today, my throat feels like it's painted on the inside with painter's glue and has a sack of tack nails stuck in the sticky cylinder of my esophagus. i'll then go to sleep every night with this scratchy mess in my neck, and dream of the morning when it'll feel better.
cough cough...blaugh
---
it only seems right that i should get sick and have a sore throat now. outside the country is a raging humid tapestry of heatwaves, inside the slick everflowing icy cool of air conditioning filters throughout every crevice in the building.
when these two elemental states of being intermingle, how can the body help but shift inbetween extremes? subtley coexisting with an unending temperature flux.
so now my throat hurts, and i wish i had brought some nyquil, or dayquil, or any sort of meds from home other than the immodium AD and benedryl i brought with me. i mean, who can forsee all of the possible ailments you can come down with, while packing for just two weeks?
i suppose i'll just try to get through this day like yesterday, except today, my throat feels like it's painted on the inside with painter's glue and has a sack of tack nails stuck in the sticky cylinder of my esophagus. i'll then go to sleep every night with this scratchy mess in my neck, and dream of the morning when it'll feel better.
cough cough...blaugh
---
Monday, May 10, 2004
" a man among chldren: a depressing rant "
---
apologies ahead of time...i am just getting cabin fever:
how come whenever i come here and i get a moment of freedom, the men here who want to take me out, only want to show me that they are "adults," by showing me to patpong-like places; the exact places that i don't want to see or frequent. a nation of children in men's bodies.
the government has put such an extreme of a sense of censorship on entertainment and the other visual medias, that when puberty hits, males(and females) have no clue how to react. guns and sex are blurred on daily television, american lifestyle and programming and slang, and movies are readily available, technology has become the latest trinket both replacing family and interpersonal communication. and is it really that different from any other country that is struggling to define itself in the wake of the american corporate hegemony? and who can blame the thai people? every other nation has cool shiny new crap, why can they not? but it is not okay. am i the only one who feels like this?
just like the "goods" you can purchase on the street, in the weekend markets, or even in established malls, these items of desire are poor copies of what america has for sale, and the trendy have the ability to purchase. what sense then does it make to see a family of four barely even being able to survive comfortably, wearing dkny knock-off clothes and carrying around all of their belongings in prada totes?
i know of men and women here around my age totally lost (this is all saying based on my americanized life, but feeling that the moral structure and humanistic values are pseudo-universal)in the fray of trying to both find a sense of themselves and a sense of cultural identity in this modern age.
you end up with boys in the bodies of men, and little girls playing little girl games in the bodies of full-grown women. no i don't want to go see underage kids being fondled by old sweaty smelly sex tourists. no thank you. no i don't need to end the night with a seedy bar filled with smoke from horrible sub-standard cigarettes and watered down swill to drink. it's not what i'm looking for. i don't want to be berated and made to feel dumb, or stupid, or homosexual, or anti-homosexual, or bad, or belittled, or any of these embarassing shameful senses of being.
yet am i now out of the loop then, if i don't want to go to a place like that? is that the standard of what makes a man here? and how come when i say to them that i don't want to go see some sexy nubile young girl get all sexed up and paraded around, i automatically am defined as a gay lover or something more stupid. it's so juvenille, and it's this seedy undertone that everyone sees exhibited in films and underground stories of thailand. it sickens me.
here i am, only wanting to explore my other culture, reconnect and explore the people, the city, the history, the fruits, the language. all i would like to find, from locals and tourists, is an interest in what the people have deemed a normal night out. no wonder everyone thinks that all thai men do is drugs, have sex with underage prostitutes, and drink crazy. some of them do.
the others that i know and have seen, do not. and are they now on the "outs" because of that activity (or lack therof)? again this is not to say that all thai people should be put into the same category all together as if everyone is the same. i haven't travelled here much. it doesn't matter because whether i care or not, whether i want it to be or not, it's a reality and a present problem and observation, and i have no idea how to attempt to fix it.
talk about lost in translation, they made the movie about the wrong f-ing country.
what's the answer?
---
apologies ahead of time...i am just getting cabin fever:
how come whenever i come here and i get a moment of freedom, the men here who want to take me out, only want to show me that they are "adults," by showing me to patpong-like places; the exact places that i don't want to see or frequent. a nation of children in men's bodies.
the government has put such an extreme of a sense of censorship on entertainment and the other visual medias, that when puberty hits, males(and females) have no clue how to react. guns and sex are blurred on daily television, american lifestyle and programming and slang, and movies are readily available, technology has become the latest trinket both replacing family and interpersonal communication. and is it really that different from any other country that is struggling to define itself in the wake of the american corporate hegemony? and who can blame the thai people? every other nation has cool shiny new crap, why can they not? but it is not okay. am i the only one who feels like this?
just like the "goods" you can purchase on the street, in the weekend markets, or even in established malls, these items of desire are poor copies of what america has for sale, and the trendy have the ability to purchase. what sense then does it make to see a family of four barely even being able to survive comfortably, wearing dkny knock-off clothes and carrying around all of their belongings in prada totes?
i know of men and women here around my age totally lost (this is all saying based on my americanized life, but feeling that the moral structure and humanistic values are pseudo-universal)in the fray of trying to both find a sense of themselves and a sense of cultural identity in this modern age.
you end up with boys in the bodies of men, and little girls playing little girl games in the bodies of full-grown women. no i don't want to go see underage kids being fondled by old sweaty smelly sex tourists. no thank you. no i don't need to end the night with a seedy bar filled with smoke from horrible sub-standard cigarettes and watered down swill to drink. it's not what i'm looking for. i don't want to be berated and made to feel dumb, or stupid, or homosexual, or anti-homosexual, or bad, or belittled, or any of these embarassing shameful senses of being.
yet am i now out of the loop then, if i don't want to go to a place like that? is that the standard of what makes a man here? and how come when i say to them that i don't want to go see some sexy nubile young girl get all sexed up and paraded around, i automatically am defined as a gay lover or something more stupid. it's so juvenille, and it's this seedy undertone that everyone sees exhibited in films and underground stories of thailand. it sickens me.
here i am, only wanting to explore my other culture, reconnect and explore the people, the city, the history, the fruits, the language. all i would like to find, from locals and tourists, is an interest in what the people have deemed a normal night out. no wonder everyone thinks that all thai men do is drugs, have sex with underage prostitutes, and drink crazy. some of them do.
the others that i know and have seen, do not. and are they now on the "outs" because of that activity (or lack therof)? again this is not to say that all thai people should be put into the same category all together as if everyone is the same. i haven't travelled here much. it doesn't matter because whether i care or not, whether i want it to be or not, it's a reality and a present problem and observation, and i have no idea how to attempt to fix it.
talk about lost in translation, they made the movie about the wrong f-ing country.
what's the answer?
---
Sunday, May 09, 2004
" random night thoughts in Thailand "
---
: on driving, rather, on being a passenger :
- did you know that in Thailand, they drive on the opposite side? the driver's side is on the right, but if you think about it, they think it to be the correct side to be sitting on, while the US version of driving just seems silly and confusing. sitting on the opposite side of a moving car like one of these, not only allows you to physically change your position, but also reconsider your perception. the once thought safety nets, or "anchors" do not exist, and you are left to roam and ponder, admist an alternate universe.
- i feel like i am floating in limbo, here in an engulfing sea of easy-listening music.
- my producer/bossman P'Pet, has just told me that the place where we are driving is called the Nakom Praterm Province, and it dawns on me that i have absolutely no clue where i am.
---
: on being here :
- don't have friends, make some
- can't speak the language, then learn
- don't know where you are, get a map
- all of these things i know, but while i have been here, i feel like everyone thinks that i am capable, but also quite possible dumb or inexperienced, all because i don't fully know the language, and haven't really been anywhere.
- like i have said to myself many times before, i look the part...thus, i should be able to speak thai, know where everything is in relationship to everything, understand vast subtle cultural normalcies, and know over 4000 years of history, right? um, no...not really i believe.
- does everyone understand the sacrifices my parents made both financially and lifestyle-wise in order to make a better life for themselves in america? a lot of sacrifice, a lot of personal toil, and a lot of thinking and preparation. and these people want to take all of that away with one line of dialogue and a comment. i have had 24 years of very ingrated american lifestyle, tinged with hues of saffron from a world i have yet to fully understand and encounter, and here these people come with their lives and their lifelong experience and judge me? i think that is a little unfair.
- everyone treats me at times like a little "special kid" and i hate feeling like that.
- there's something about having your boss introduce youto everyone we newly meet, as the import that is that and has thai parents, but can't speak thai and knows nothing. an introduction like that induces acid reflux and interpersonal disdain.
- a co-worker yesterday found out that i am 24 years old. she looked at me and then my facial features and said that i looked much older than that. then later on in the day y boss said the same thing...when you're young, all you want to do is look older, and when you're older, all you want to is to retain your youth. but what happens when you don't care about those attributes, and just want to exist? does that mean that i look old for my age and that can be a good thing? aahhhhhh, it's all so complicated.
- it's amazing how such a trivial thing can resonate throughout the day and become something profound that sticks in your eye like a wish unfurfilled.
---
: on driving, rather, on being a passenger :
- did you know that in Thailand, they drive on the opposite side? the driver's side is on the right, but if you think about it, they think it to be the correct side to be sitting on, while the US version of driving just seems silly and confusing. sitting on the opposite side of a moving car like one of these, not only allows you to physically change your position, but also reconsider your perception. the once thought safety nets, or "anchors" do not exist, and you are left to roam and ponder, admist an alternate universe.
- i feel like i am floating in limbo, here in an engulfing sea of easy-listening music.
- my producer/bossman P'Pet, has just told me that the place where we are driving is called the Nakom Praterm Province, and it dawns on me that i have absolutely no clue where i am.
---
: on being here :
- don't have friends, make some
- can't speak the language, then learn
- don't know where you are, get a map
- all of these things i know, but while i have been here, i feel like everyone thinks that i am capable, but also quite possible dumb or inexperienced, all because i don't fully know the language, and haven't really been anywhere.
- like i have said to myself many times before, i look the part...thus, i should be able to speak thai, know where everything is in relationship to everything, understand vast subtle cultural normalcies, and know over 4000 years of history, right? um, no...not really i believe.
- does everyone understand the sacrifices my parents made both financially and lifestyle-wise in order to make a better life for themselves in america? a lot of sacrifice, a lot of personal toil, and a lot of thinking and preparation. and these people want to take all of that away with one line of dialogue and a comment. i have had 24 years of very ingrated american lifestyle, tinged with hues of saffron from a world i have yet to fully understand and encounter, and here these people come with their lives and their lifelong experience and judge me? i think that is a little unfair.
- everyone treats me at times like a little "special kid" and i hate feeling like that.
- there's something about having your boss introduce youto everyone we newly meet, as the import that is that and has thai parents, but can't speak thai and knows nothing. an introduction like that induces acid reflux and interpersonal disdain.
- a co-worker yesterday found out that i am 24 years old. she looked at me and then my facial features and said that i looked much older than that. then later on in the day y boss said the same thing...when you're young, all you want to do is look older, and when you're older, all you want to is to retain your youth. but what happens when you don't care about those attributes, and just want to exist? does that mean that i look old for my age and that can be a good thing? aahhhhhh, it's all so complicated.
- it's amazing how such a trivial thing can resonate throughout the day and become something profound that sticks in your eye like a wish unfurfilled.
---
" stay close to the path, but don't be afraid to stray "
---
in those moments when you realize that the life you have recently left behind is not only on a different continent, but ina completely different time zone, does then your brain and physical being start to act differently?
what would you say if you knew another language? how would you express yourself? where are those anchors of daily life that now seem so far away? how do you start to be yourself, when everything around is both amazingly familiar and alien at the same time?
i have as of late began to realize that i cannot keep to the task of keeping a written journal. for some reason it only appeals to me the fact that i could possibly look back upon some respectable volume of entries at some far date in the future, but at the moment, i cannot find the proper motivation to sit and paste and perfect this miniscule tome even past the first page.
so i write by hand
on small pieces of paper that may be laying around the office or i happen to have in my pockets at the time. i write thoughts down, observations of every varying degree, and tiny scenes. little openers for scenes that have as of yet to be cinematically realized, but the thinking being that if i can come up with enough of these ideas, i can begin to weave together some semblance of a story or narrative that i can conceptualize, create, have, and eventually share.
life is strange when you are farther away from yourself than you have ever been. the funny thing is you never have ever felt closer to yourself too.
---
in those moments when you realize that the life you have recently left behind is not only on a different continent, but ina completely different time zone, does then your brain and physical being start to act differently?
what would you say if you knew another language? how would you express yourself? where are those anchors of daily life that now seem so far away? how do you start to be yourself, when everything around is both amazingly familiar and alien at the same time?
i have as of late began to realize that i cannot keep to the task of keeping a written journal. for some reason it only appeals to me the fact that i could possibly look back upon some respectable volume of entries at some far date in the future, but at the moment, i cannot find the proper motivation to sit and paste and perfect this miniscule tome even past the first page.
so i write by hand
on small pieces of paper that may be laying around the office or i happen to have in my pockets at the time. i write thoughts down, observations of every varying degree, and tiny scenes. little openers for scenes that have as of yet to be cinematically realized, but the thinking being that if i can come up with enough of these ideas, i can begin to weave together some semblance of a story or narrative that i can conceptualize, create, have, and eventually share.
life is strange when you are farther away from yourself than you have ever been. the funny thing is you never have ever felt closer to yourself too.
---
Friday, May 07, 2004
" conversations w/out borders II "
---
weederman23 (15:58:18): go to bed yous!
TaurusKAT (15:58:57): heehee
weederman23 (15:59:04): i see you with far eyes
weederman23 (15:59:16): um, ... roar
TaurusKAT (15:59:20): how is the heat treating you
weederman23 (15:59:27): it's nice
weederman23 (15:59:41): got back fropm china a coupla days ago
weederman23 (15:59:49): still a lot of work to do, so not much outside time
TaurusKAT (16:00:02): you enjoying the work though?
weederman23 (16:00:02): and if i do go anywhere, they got the a.c. thing going on here
weederman23 (16:00:26): yeah
TaurusKAT (16:00:33): nice
weederman23 (16:00:34): the work is steady and good
TaurusKAT (16:00:53): when do you come home
weederman23 (16:01:34): i don't know
TaurusKAT (16:01:57): uh oh.
weederman23 (16:02:06): my re entry into thailand has given me until june 3rd
TaurusKAT (16:02:09): i hate the question mark
weederman23 (16:02:20): sooo, unless ihave something happen, i might just plan for a summer thing
weederman23 (16:02:35): and i am really and genuinely torn
weederman23 (16:03:54): like, i want to get my stuff from home, and i miss everyone
weederman23 (16:03:57): a lot
weederman23 (16:04:01): yet, on the other hand
weederman23 (16:04:10): there is steady good work here.
TaurusKAT (16:04:12): i think you should do what makes you happy...but of course, i'd love it if you were here
weederman23 (16:04:18): and that i's thailand doesn't hurt either
weederman23 (16:09:49): and the other thing that usually happens when i go back home, is that i have a great time reintegrating myself into the albany/bay area thing, then i get depressed. like massively depressed then i start to question my path in life and end up getting all crazy and paranoid and it's just not pretty
weederman23 (16:10:25): but as i am already here, maybe i should stick it out until everyone i are about forgets about me, then surprise them with a special visit
weederman23 (16:10:26): lol
TaurusKAT (16:11:39): haha. You need to do what is going to be best for bay...and it kinda sounds like you already know what that is.
weederman23 (16:11:48): at this point i really doen't know what the plabn here is. i have no real prospects in america, anmd the same goes for here...to a point. i mean i can be useful here, and still spend some time on my personal craft of photo and film, and what not, but i don't know if i'm just doing the same repetitious thing here that i was doing at a cuppa tea.
weederman23 (16:12:08): ahhhhhh you are so good at don't forcing any point on me, and that's what i like about you i do
weederman23 (16:12:27): letting me come to my own conclusion with subtle questioning of the Self
weederman23 (16:12:29): grrrrrr
TaurusKAT (16:13:05): raar.
weederman23 (16:13:40): you ther, me here
TaurusKAT (16:21:12): true true. In my experience the alternative family and kinship that emerges from sweet dear little albany, while wonderful and supportive...can also be suffocating at times...preventing one from growth...or at lest clarity. That's why I'm really happy for maren being in South America ....she's able to be and connect with herself in a way that albany did not permit her
weederman23 (16:22:44): i agree wholeheartedly
weederman23 (16:22:57): did you experience a lot of that feeling when you were in france?
TaurusKAT (16:23:32): absolutely
TaurusKAT (16:24:25): i had no obligations to anyone else but myself and i think that at this age that is really important
TaurusKAT (16:24:42): foreign countries seem to allow that more than places within the U.S
weederman23 (16:25:13): it's true!!!
weederman23 (16:26:09): yet at the same time, here i need a little more freedom
weederman23 (16:26:19): cause i seem to be really stuck in this office
weederman23 (16:26:23): but it;'s grand anyways
weederman23 (16:26:32): brb
TaurusKAT (16:26:35): right...well you have obligations
TaurusKAT (16:26:53): you're there specifically for work
TaurusKAT (16:27:11): After your job...what's the harm in staying for you,.,,?
TaurusKAT signed off at 16:44:25.
---
weederman23 (15:58:18): go to bed yous!
TaurusKAT (15:58:57): heehee
weederman23 (15:59:04): i see you with far eyes
weederman23 (15:59:16): um, ... roar
TaurusKAT (15:59:20): how is the heat treating you
weederman23 (15:59:27): it's nice
weederman23 (15:59:41): got back fropm china a coupla days ago
weederman23 (15:59:49): still a lot of work to do, so not much outside time
TaurusKAT (16:00:02): you enjoying the work though?
weederman23 (16:00:02): and if i do go anywhere, they got the a.c. thing going on here
weederman23 (16:00:26): yeah
TaurusKAT (16:00:33): nice
weederman23 (16:00:34): the work is steady and good
TaurusKAT (16:00:53): when do you come home
weederman23 (16:01:34): i don't know
TaurusKAT (16:01:57): uh oh.
weederman23 (16:02:06): my re entry into thailand has given me until june 3rd
TaurusKAT (16:02:09): i hate the question mark
weederman23 (16:02:20): sooo, unless ihave something happen, i might just plan for a summer thing
weederman23 (16:02:35): and i am really and genuinely torn
weederman23 (16:03:54): like, i want to get my stuff from home, and i miss everyone
weederman23 (16:03:57): a lot
weederman23 (16:04:01): yet, on the other hand
weederman23 (16:04:10): there is steady good work here.
TaurusKAT (16:04:12): i think you should do what makes you happy...but of course, i'd love it if you were here
weederman23 (16:04:18): and that i's thailand doesn't hurt either
weederman23 (16:09:49): and the other thing that usually happens when i go back home, is that i have a great time reintegrating myself into the albany/bay area thing, then i get depressed. like massively depressed then i start to question my path in life and end up getting all crazy and paranoid and it's just not pretty
weederman23 (16:10:25): but as i am already here, maybe i should stick it out until everyone i are about forgets about me, then surprise them with a special visit
weederman23 (16:10:26): lol
TaurusKAT (16:11:39): haha. You need to do what is going to be best for bay...and it kinda sounds like you already know what that is.
weederman23 (16:11:48): at this point i really doen't know what the plabn here is. i have no real prospects in america, anmd the same goes for here...to a point. i mean i can be useful here, and still spend some time on my personal craft of photo and film, and what not, but i don't know if i'm just doing the same repetitious thing here that i was doing at a cuppa tea.
weederman23 (16:12:08): ahhhhhh you are so good at don't forcing any point on me, and that's what i like about you i do
weederman23 (16:12:27): letting me come to my own conclusion with subtle questioning of the Self
weederman23 (16:12:29): grrrrrr
TaurusKAT (16:13:05): raar.
weederman23 (16:13:40): you ther, me here
TaurusKAT (16:21:12): true true. In my experience the alternative family and kinship that emerges from sweet dear little albany, while wonderful and supportive...can also be suffocating at times...preventing one from growth...or at lest clarity. That's why I'm really happy for maren being in South America ....she's able to be and connect with herself in a way that albany did not permit her
weederman23 (16:22:44): i agree wholeheartedly
weederman23 (16:22:57): did you experience a lot of that feeling when you were in france?
TaurusKAT (16:23:32): absolutely
TaurusKAT (16:24:25): i had no obligations to anyone else but myself and i think that at this age that is really important
TaurusKAT (16:24:42): foreign countries seem to allow that more than places within the U.S
weederman23 (16:25:13): it's true!!!
weederman23 (16:26:09): yet at the same time, here i need a little more freedom
weederman23 (16:26:19): cause i seem to be really stuck in this office
weederman23 (16:26:23): but it;'s grand anyways
weederman23 (16:26:32): brb
TaurusKAT (16:26:35): right...well you have obligations
TaurusKAT (16:26:53): you're there specifically for work
TaurusKAT (16:27:11): After your job...what's the harm in staying for you,.,,?
TaurusKAT signed off at 16:44:25.
---
Thursday, May 06, 2004
" conversations w/out borders "
---
Dylsmack (18:55:38): waddup
weederman23 (18:55:43): ahoy
weederman23 (18:55:55): why are you up so early?
weederman23 (18:56:29): yes? no?
weederman23 (18:56:46): i shot the footage on your color rolls already
weederman23 (18:56:54): i just have to find a place to devleop it
Dylsmack (18:56:58): going to the airport
Dylsmack (18:57:03): going to NYC
weederman23 (18:57:23): and i found out that to send it back to you by mail undeveloped would be unsafe due to crazy amount of xray scanning
weederman23 (18:57:25): cool
weederman23 (18:57:30): tell everyone i said hi
weederman23 (18:57:34): hit up petur and becca
Dylsmack (18:57:54): mia says hi
weederman23 (18:58:13): petur's number is ---.---.----
weederman23 (18:58:16): hey mia
weederman23 (18:58:34): read my blog if you want to see what i did last week
weederman23 (18:58:37): lol, it was crazy
Dylsmack (18:58:56): cool, what's the site called?
weederman23 (18:58:58): i miss you guys a lot
weederman23 (18:59:08): http://baystar.blogspot.com
weederman23 (18:59:19): and i get some photos back today, about 7 rolls
Dylsmack (18:59:27): we miss you too. how long are you thinking of staying?
weederman23 (18:59:30): so maybe i can start to scan em in and post em online for you too
weederman23 (18:59:36): well, at this point
weederman23 (18:59:45): since i got a re entry stamp into thailand
weederman23 (18:59:55): i can stay until june 3rd w/out a work permit
weederman23 (19:00:04): sooo, the short answer is, i have no clue
weederman23 (19:00:19): the work is okay, and i feel pretty good about what i;m doing
weederman23 (19:00:24): i'll have to feel it out
weederman23 (19:01:05): but, right now, it's beginning to feel a little more "normal" and not so freakish....that is until when i have to go do something by myself, then i start to get all paranoid and crazy
weederman23 (19:01:14): other than that it's all good
weederman23 (19:01:40): have a real good time in NYC for me
weederman23 (19:01:58): take some pics and you should take your dv camera
weederman23 (19:02:05): as a carry-on
weederman23 (19:02:18): that way you can send me a cd-r of your trip there
weederman23 (19:02:21): lol
weederman23 (19:02:42): i'm thinking of getting a dv cam, just to mess around with, but i have to wait till i can get more moolah
Dylsmack (19:02:43): sure. I doubt you you guys are in need of a white american lacky around the next few months
weederman23 (19:03:22): i have told her about you, but she thinks that the lack of thai language would make it more difficult, for her
weederman23 (19:03:34): to that i ask,"why am i here then?"
weederman23 (19:03:43): it's a work in progress let's say
Dylsmack (19:03:55): word, well then I could just surf on her couch, or wherever you are
weederman23 (19:04:00): if i can bug her enough she just might give in
Dylsmack (19:04:11): well, we're off. talk to you soon
Dylsmack (19:04:15): peace
weederman23 (19:04:18): yeah. my friggin room is in the studio space
weederman23 (19:04:22): aight meng
weederman23 (19:04:25): peas out
weederman23 (19:04:33): shoot me an email so i know you arrived safely
weederman23 (19:04:37): bye
---
Dylsmack (18:55:38): waddup
weederman23 (18:55:43): ahoy
weederman23 (18:55:55): why are you up so early?
weederman23 (18:56:29): yes? no?
weederman23 (18:56:46): i shot the footage on your color rolls already
weederman23 (18:56:54): i just have to find a place to devleop it
Dylsmack (18:56:58): going to the airport
Dylsmack (18:57:03): going to NYC
weederman23 (18:57:23): and i found out that to send it back to you by mail undeveloped would be unsafe due to crazy amount of xray scanning
weederman23 (18:57:25): cool
weederman23 (18:57:30): tell everyone i said hi
weederman23 (18:57:34): hit up petur and becca
Dylsmack (18:57:54): mia says hi
weederman23 (18:58:13): petur's number is ---.---.----
weederman23 (18:58:16): hey mia
weederman23 (18:58:34): read my blog if you want to see what i did last week
weederman23 (18:58:37): lol, it was crazy
Dylsmack (18:58:56): cool, what's the site called?
weederman23 (18:58:58): i miss you guys a lot
weederman23 (18:59:08): http://baystar.blogspot.com
weederman23 (18:59:19): and i get some photos back today, about 7 rolls
Dylsmack (18:59:27): we miss you too. how long are you thinking of staying?
weederman23 (18:59:30): so maybe i can start to scan em in and post em online for you too
weederman23 (18:59:36): well, at this point
weederman23 (18:59:45): since i got a re entry stamp into thailand
weederman23 (18:59:55): i can stay until june 3rd w/out a work permit
weederman23 (19:00:04): sooo, the short answer is, i have no clue
weederman23 (19:00:19): the work is okay, and i feel pretty good about what i;m doing
weederman23 (19:00:24): i'll have to feel it out
weederman23 (19:01:05): but, right now, it's beginning to feel a little more "normal" and not so freakish....that is until when i have to go do something by myself, then i start to get all paranoid and crazy
weederman23 (19:01:14): other than that it's all good
weederman23 (19:01:40): have a real good time in NYC for me
weederman23 (19:01:58): take some pics and you should take your dv camera
weederman23 (19:02:05): as a carry-on
weederman23 (19:02:18): that way you can send me a cd-r of your trip there
weederman23 (19:02:21): lol
weederman23 (19:02:42): i'm thinking of getting a dv cam, just to mess around with, but i have to wait till i can get more moolah
Dylsmack (19:02:43): sure. I doubt you you guys are in need of a white american lacky around the next few months
weederman23 (19:03:22): i have told her about you, but she thinks that the lack of thai language would make it more difficult, for her
weederman23 (19:03:34): to that i ask,"why am i here then?"
weederman23 (19:03:43): it's a work in progress let's say
Dylsmack (19:03:55): word, well then I could just surf on her couch, or wherever you are
weederman23 (19:04:00): if i can bug her enough she just might give in
Dylsmack (19:04:11): well, we're off. talk to you soon
Dylsmack (19:04:15): peace
weederman23 (19:04:18): yeah. my friggin room is in the studio space
weederman23 (19:04:22): aight meng
weederman23 (19:04:25): peas out
weederman23 (19:04:33): shoot me an email so i know you arrived safely
weederman23 (19:04:37): bye
---
" thank you daffity doo "
---
dear daphna,
thanks for your splendid list. i love the three things that you listed, stating things that i didn't know about you; i'm sure everyone else will learn great things about the human condition from your list. i forgot to read it right away, because after i came back from China, i went straight to bed. Then all day long, i was doing work straightaway. Thus, dear friend from afar, i have just as of now (@ 17.11, Thailand time) read your email, and i would like to share it with e'yone. Since i know you are sleeping right now, i'll just have to guess that this is fine.
your international e-buddy,
digi-bay
---
BAY!
1. My stomach is growling.
2. I hate getting shocked (static electricity) I hate it I hate it.
3. Only my big toes have red polish on them. The other toes have lost the color.
Welcome back to Thailand!
~Daphna
---
dear daphna,
thanks for your splendid list. i love the three things that you listed, stating things that i didn't know about you; i'm sure everyone else will learn great things about the human condition from your list. i forgot to read it right away, because after i came back from China, i went straight to bed. Then all day long, i was doing work straightaway. Thus, dear friend from afar, i have just as of now (@ 17.11, Thailand time) read your email, and i would like to share it with e'yone. Since i know you are sleeping right now, i'll just have to guess that this is fine.
your international e-buddy,
digi-bay
---
BAY!
1. My stomach is growling.
2. I hate getting shocked (static electricity) I hate it I hate it.
3. Only my big toes have red polish on them. The other toes have lost the color.
Welcome back to Thailand!
~Daphna
---
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
“ SARS away! “
---
The thing about international travel to and from a known ex-hot-zone area, is that you never really look at the place the same. Meaning, that if the location of your travels include unattractive aspects of local health hazards (intense burning diarreha, scalding humidity, anger bees-also known as normal bees, haphazard chickens with triple tumor hemmorages, et al), then by all natural instincts you shouldn’t frequent or even visit the place.
This I did not do; with SARS in it’s cautioned aftermath stage, I, along with a hefty crew of Thai travellers and HI-SO tourists alike went forward and went to China.. Shanghai to be more location-specific. And just to tell you up front, I ate street food, drank water from restaurant, went to an island getaway and sampled to cuisine(all vegetarian), and even stood in the acid rain just for fun.
The trip was the work-related camera job disquised as a tour5/vacation. I had a lot of fun though, don’t get me wrong. Planes, boats, busses. Taxis, personal valets….all of these things seem fun, and are to some extent, but are also nauseating, shifting, unclean, and moreover adventurous.
A rousing jaunty sojourn s what me and my compatriots had. It was a veritable festoon of visual delights; why I am describing the place as if I lived in the british victorian or renaissance era, I cann’t tell you why. But this I do know, I have no clue where that street squid came from, but it was sumptuous, lemme tell you what.
So a week goes by and I haul my three cameras and all of the equipment on my dainty yet strapping shoulders. Five days of lugging 20 lbs. of machinergadgetry up hills, down slopes with inclines of note, and aboard unsafe passenger vessels. And was it worth it? So so so worth it.
There is almost nothing like the pulsating energy of a mob of Chinese people screaming and pushing forward and trying to exit of a boat or elevator or crowded avenue or store of anything that requires the crossing of a doorway or threshold. It’s enigmatic and all inclusively lacking in the practices of self-restraint and the concept of the”personal bubble.”
Upon my return, i somehow feel refreshed and surprisingly more relaxed, even though my body went through hell, my mind was tuning itself to the languages and I tried to use more of my Thai and went places I wouldn’t go on my own or in a small group, and I did things, and took chances, and talked to strangers, and learned how not to cross a street in Shanghai so that you don’t get hit by a bike or bus or modified rickshaw or taxi. Upon my retun into Thailand, I recognized the sensation and feeling of happiness again, and it felt sort of like coming home.
Travel is fun, so call me up and lets do it to it!
---
The thing about international travel to and from a known ex-hot-zone area, is that you never really look at the place the same. Meaning, that if the location of your travels include unattractive aspects of local health hazards (intense burning diarreha, scalding humidity, anger bees-also known as normal bees, haphazard chickens with triple tumor hemmorages, et al), then by all natural instincts you shouldn’t frequent or even visit the place.
This I did not do; with SARS in it’s cautioned aftermath stage, I, along with a hefty crew of Thai travellers and HI-SO tourists alike went forward and went to China.. Shanghai to be more location-specific. And just to tell you up front, I ate street food, drank water from restaurant, went to an island getaway and sampled to cuisine(all vegetarian), and even stood in the acid rain just for fun.
The trip was the work-related camera job disquised as a tour5/vacation. I had a lot of fun though, don’t get me wrong. Planes, boats, busses. Taxis, personal valets….all of these things seem fun, and are to some extent, but are also nauseating, shifting, unclean, and moreover adventurous.
A rousing jaunty sojourn s what me and my compatriots had. It was a veritable festoon of visual delights; why I am describing the place as if I lived in the british victorian or renaissance era, I cann’t tell you why. But this I do know, I have no clue where that street squid came from, but it was sumptuous, lemme tell you what.
So a week goes by and I haul my three cameras and all of the equipment on my dainty yet strapping shoulders. Five days of lugging 20 lbs. of machinergadgetry up hills, down slopes with inclines of note, and aboard unsafe passenger vessels. And was it worth it? So so so worth it.
There is almost nothing like the pulsating energy of a mob of Chinese people screaming and pushing forward and trying to exit of a boat or elevator or crowded avenue or store of anything that requires the crossing of a doorway or threshold. It’s enigmatic and all inclusively lacking in the practices of self-restraint and the concept of the”personal bubble.”
Upon my return, i somehow feel refreshed and surprisingly more relaxed, even though my body went through hell, my mind was tuning itself to the languages and I tried to use more of my Thai and went places I wouldn’t go on my own or in a small group, and I did things, and took chances, and talked to strangers, and learned how not to cross a street in Shanghai so that you don’t get hit by a bike or bus or modified rickshaw or taxi. Upon my retun into Thailand, I recognized the sensation and feeling of happiness again, and it felt sort of like coming home.
Travel is fun, so call me up and lets do it to it!
---
Friday, April 30, 2004
" shanghai flowers "
---
going tho shanghai tomorrow. i've never actually been in china, and it's going to be interesting that this show is the "in" for going. it'll be work, and not leisure that i am going to go there for the first time.
i wonder if it'll be nuts and hustle and bustle with pressures and schedules (as it has been as of late) or will it be a sight beyond anything that i have ever seen before? i am personally hoping for the latter.
what will happen to international bay?
tune in five days from now to find out!!
---
going tho shanghai tomorrow. i've never actually been in china, and it's going to be interesting that this show is the "in" for going. it'll be work, and not leisure that i am going to go there for the first time.
i wonder if it'll be nuts and hustle and bustle with pressures and schedules (as it has been as of late) or will it be a sight beyond anything that i have ever seen before? i am personally hoping for the latter.
what will happen to international bay?
tune in five days from now to find out!!
---
Thursday, April 29, 2004
" the silence of speaking "
---
coming here
wanting nothing but
be able to communicate with
my people; Thai people,
and then not being able
to say
one thing
not one
word.
i stand before them
inanimate
and stunned;
mouth agape
and slackjawed.
shame searing
across my blushed face.
to realize you are
a fraud, is a
devastating feeling;
even your face
gives you away.
each tone, movement, action,
and reaction all
betray me here,
and these social wounds
cut deep inside,
until i am left to do
nothing,
but be a twenty-four year-old
man
yet remain and feel
helpless and
vulnerable;
a newborn among
the masses.
---
coming here
wanting nothing but
be able to communicate with
my people; Thai people,
and then not being able
to say
one thing
not one
word.
i stand before them
inanimate
and stunned;
mouth agape
and slackjawed.
shame searing
across my blushed face.
to realize you are
a fraud, is a
devastating feeling;
even your face
gives you away.
each tone, movement, action,
and reaction all
betray me here,
and these social wounds
cut deep inside,
until i am left to do
nothing,
but be a twenty-four year-old
man
yet remain and feel
helpless and
vulnerable;
a newborn among
the masses.
---
" goldern sums of a beach! "
---
just what am i doing here?
let's see a summary
i am in thailand working for a woman i worked for in august of 2000. she's a hardcore business woman "personality," who is fairly hardcore, but only at face/business value.
she is now doing a cooking show on thai TV and cable, with aspirations to expand it beyond the screen and try and create a diverse cultural group of programming that will show the international community what thailand has to offer on a more accessible level.
my part in all of this is: i am doing some translation, voiceover on an english-language cable show, helping to design the english language website for the existing show, doing photography, helping being the representation in meetings for the foreign investors, doing "insert" dv camerawork for the cooking show, and a bunch of other menial things for the show. that's about it.
so you can see now why i hesitated to summarize in earlier correspondences. hah.
i hope that you are well, cause i am hot and swamped, but that's okay, at least i'm here.
missing you,
international bay
ps- look at this and tell all of your friends (i'm a towering 5'6"):
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2177&articleSrc=3&sid=88723551-1015-49B8-9802-37866805B553&trackingid=516163&theme=211&lid=160
---
just what am i doing here?
let's see a summary
i am in thailand working for a woman i worked for in august of 2000. she's a hardcore business woman "personality," who is fairly hardcore, but only at face/business value.
she is now doing a cooking show on thai TV and cable, with aspirations to expand it beyond the screen and try and create a diverse cultural group of programming that will show the international community what thailand has to offer on a more accessible level.
my part in all of this is: i am doing some translation, voiceover on an english-language cable show, helping to design the english language website for the existing show, doing photography, helping being the representation in meetings for the foreign investors, doing "insert" dv camerawork for the cooking show, and a bunch of other menial things for the show. that's about it.
so you can see now why i hesitated to summarize in earlier correspondences. hah.
i hope that you are well, cause i am hot and swamped, but that's okay, at least i'm here.
missing you,
international bay
ps- look at this and tell all of your friends (i'm a towering 5'6"):
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2177&articleSrc=3&sid=88723551-1015-49B8-9802-37866805B553&trackingid=516163&theme=211&lid=160
---
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
" strom clods "
---
you wake up to a sounds that resembles a dynamite explosion nestled in a wooden cave in a dark forest of the clouds which gather. the sounds echo in a deep resonating, blessed and fearful frequency. there's not much you can do but you lie awake now in your bed and just close your eyes back and experience what nature has come to be.
then the rains come.
first a light hint of pit-patterings, followed by the familiar taps of new rain hitting the beat earthen floor. and then, all of a sudden...
the storm of a raging beastial monsoon awakens and opens up and onto the land. there is almost no room to see beyond, because the rainfall is so intense and voluminous. you get up and peek out behind pastel vertical blinds in time to see the storm explode, and it all hit at once; this is real.
three hours later, after the storm has subsided, and the rain clouds are reduced from their carriage, the land dries up in the refreshed heat of a new day.
i love thailand.
---
you wake up to a sounds that resembles a dynamite explosion nestled in a wooden cave in a dark forest of the clouds which gather. the sounds echo in a deep resonating, blessed and fearful frequency. there's not much you can do but you lie awake now in your bed and just close your eyes back and experience what nature has come to be.
then the rains come.
first a light hint of pit-patterings, followed by the familiar taps of new rain hitting the beat earthen floor. and then, all of a sudden...
the storm of a raging beastial monsoon awakens and opens up and onto the land. there is almost no room to see beyond, because the rainfall is so intense and voluminous. you get up and peek out behind pastel vertical blinds in time to see the storm explode, and it all hit at once; this is real.
three hours later, after the storm has subsided, and the rain clouds are reduced from their carriage, the land dries up in the refreshed heat of a new day.
i love thailand.
---
Monday, April 26, 2004
" a different sort of freedom "
---
so lonely and hot here. i wish that some friends could come, even though i most likely would be too busy to enjoy their stay. i guess that it's fine though, because there is a certain freedom in being the inside foreigner; everyone is expecting you to be different and crazy and not understand the language, so when it comes true, no one is that much surprised.
last night i got bit all over my body by mosquitos, it made me hella paranoid and crazy. my dreams were all disturbed and the night only advanced because i pulled the covers completely over my head which made breathing both difficult and maddening. other than that things are going great. i hope that it remains this hot, cause i can dig it. the service aspect here is a little uncomfortable, ie-maids and servants/drivers. they sort of have that service as their job, which should be fine, but it still feels as if there is a discriminatory aspect to it. for fun, i like to wash my own dishes just to make them all surprised.
if there is one thing that i do enjoy though, it's that the people here live life very much to the fullest. there are extremes in the personalities which rival any of the same caliber of passion that is in the bay area. it's crazy to think that even though there are distinct yet subtley covert levels of discrimination , there still is a general sense of pride in oneself that keeps them up and positive. i love that.
---
so lonely and hot here. i wish that some friends could come, even though i most likely would be too busy to enjoy their stay. i guess that it's fine though, because there is a certain freedom in being the inside foreigner; everyone is expecting you to be different and crazy and not understand the language, so when it comes true, no one is that much surprised.
last night i got bit all over my body by mosquitos, it made me hella paranoid and crazy. my dreams were all disturbed and the night only advanced because i pulled the covers completely over my head which made breathing both difficult and maddening. other than that things are going great. i hope that it remains this hot, cause i can dig it. the service aspect here is a little uncomfortable, ie-maids and servants/drivers. they sort of have that service as their job, which should be fine, but it still feels as if there is a discriminatory aspect to it. for fun, i like to wash my own dishes just to make them all surprised.
if there is one thing that i do enjoy though, it's that the people here live life very much to the fullest. there are extremes in the personalities which rival any of the same caliber of passion that is in the bay area. it's crazy to think that even though there are distinct yet subtley covert levels of discrimination , there still is a general sense of pride in oneself that keeps them up and positive. i love that.
---
Sunday, April 25, 2004
" untrameng! "
---
if you know anything about the phenomenae that is ULTRAMAN, then you'll appreciate this:
tonight i went to a live interactive stage show/extraveganza at the meung thong IMPACT arena, to see an ultraman 4-D show, sponsered by channel 7 and sealect tuna. (the extra d is for the special effects, of which there were many.
first we were treated to the v.i.p. treatement, which means that you get to go behind the scenes and see all of the staff smoking in the back tent area, the actors/acrobats that are going to play ultraman characters (JOFFY, JACK, SEVEN, etc.) greasing up and getting into costume, and the other v.i.p.'s drinking tamarind juice.
the show was either so so rad or horrible; it really depends on your sense of adventure and suspension of belief.
it was a tribute to sponsership logo placement, voiceover continuity, and the whole thing was a thai translation of an existing japanese show, so the storyline had to be interesting to the core audience....which is 5-11 year olds....and their parents.
i was thinking the whole time, "big and mark would love this!!! too bad they're not here."
if anyone wants to visit me, tell me way in advance, so that i can make some sort of preparations. if not, email me at
golden_buddha23@hotmail.com
it never hurts to drop a line.
i am going to sleep now cause 98 degree humidity and 99 degree weather makes for a balmy sweaty skin day.
love the description huh? yeah i know it's gross, but whgat're you gonna do?
duh duh, duh (reading rainbow transition notes)
---
if you know anything about the phenomenae that is ULTRAMAN, then you'll appreciate this:
tonight i went to a live interactive stage show/extraveganza at the meung thong IMPACT arena, to see an ultraman 4-D show, sponsered by channel 7 and sealect tuna. (the extra d is for the special effects, of which there were many.
first we were treated to the v.i.p. treatement, which means that you get to go behind the scenes and see all of the staff smoking in the back tent area, the actors/acrobats that are going to play ultraman characters (JOFFY, JACK, SEVEN, etc.) greasing up and getting into costume, and the other v.i.p.'s drinking tamarind juice.
the show was either so so rad or horrible; it really depends on your sense of adventure and suspension of belief.
it was a tribute to sponsership logo placement, voiceover continuity, and the whole thing was a thai translation of an existing japanese show, so the storyline had to be interesting to the core audience....which is 5-11 year olds....and their parents.
i was thinking the whole time, "big and mark would love this!!! too bad they're not here."
if anyone wants to visit me, tell me way in advance, so that i can make some sort of preparations. if not, email me at
golden_buddha23@hotmail.com
it never hurts to drop a line.
i am going to sleep now cause 98 degree humidity and 99 degree weather makes for a balmy sweaty skin day.
love the description huh? yeah i know it's gross, but whgat're you gonna do?
duh duh, duh (reading rainbow transition notes)
---
Friday, April 23, 2004
" 99 degrees of temperature separation "
---
dear suzi-Q
i hope that you get better soon. drink some hot peppermint tea with honey and lemon in it, that;ll sooth your throuat and clear up your upper respritory system, sinus, et al.
i'm in thailand at my office now, so i guess we really won't hang out. i am glad that you are developing your darkroom; i'll have to try it out when i get back.
i have no clue when i might come home, because i am unsure whether or not i can get a work permit here. if the kingdom grants me one, i can stay legally for one year, instead of the usual tourit 30 days. i am going to do a little PR here for an international cooking show hosted by this woman i worked for in august of 2000. she is funny in the fact that she is all business and hi-so (upperclass), and yet wants to create a show and sense of on screen programming that is accessible by the masses as an equal. it's funny too, that i will be doing some work for her, because i can see how transparant this is, but it's a great opportunity to flex my creative skills.
other than that i don't as of yet know really what i'm doing here. but, that is the fun of it.i think i'll post this on my blog, so that everyone can see how weird this trip is going to be. but, in the interim, take care of yourself, tell daniel i said hi, and assure bridget that someday we will take cool bicycle photos on the train tracks. i promised didn't i?
on the setup tip, you want to make sure that you have three areas. depending on size of your space, this can be cramped, but you want to make sure they remain as seperate as possible:
1) prep area: a place, maybe a waist to ribs-level bench where you can look at your negs via a light table or a lamp. you can also use the floor around this area to store your chemistry, both unmixed and already prepared.
2) dry area: set up your enlarger here. usually set up with a base board and a timer attached, this area should be large enough sto both suit the size of the enlarger, and also an area to place other tools and/or negs and paper. nearby too can be a space for, focuscopes(the magnifier looking thingies), loupes, filters, photo easel, paper, straight edge cutting board & slicer, etc.
3) wet area: this is the place where you want to put all of your open chemistry, trays, and holding bins. i deally you would have a sink, so if this is the case, situate the wet area here, so as to not splash on anything that is irreplacable (negs, paper, anything stainable).
you also want to take into account ventilation and your safety lights: a fan or vent is ideal for refreshing the oxygen in the darkroom; you don't want to be huffing fumes all day....for once. the safety lights/lamps should be suited for the space; the amount of light and exact tint (red, orange, oreange-yellow) should be positioned so you can have it on when you enter the room, and be placed where you can view everything in the dry area, but also be luminate enough to gauge the correct exposure of the photos in the wet area. also because color photo might need a different shade depending on the sort of paper used.
this is important to note the strenth too, because you could fog your paper if it is left out too long under a strong light. a good tip would be to measure the distance from your light to your enlarger, and then to your wet trays, and look on the lights' box too see if it is an okay enought strength/distance.
other than that if you need more specifics, i can give you some more information. happy printing!
bay
ps- it's hot!
---
dear suzi-Q
i hope that you get better soon. drink some hot peppermint tea with honey and lemon in it, that;ll sooth your throuat and clear up your upper respritory system, sinus, et al.
i'm in thailand at my office now, so i guess we really won't hang out. i am glad that you are developing your darkroom; i'll have to try it out when i get back.
i have no clue when i might come home, because i am unsure whether or not i can get a work permit here. if the kingdom grants me one, i can stay legally for one year, instead of the usual tourit 30 days. i am going to do a little PR here for an international cooking show hosted by this woman i worked for in august of 2000. she is funny in the fact that she is all business and hi-so (upperclass), and yet wants to create a show and sense of on screen programming that is accessible by the masses as an equal. it's funny too, that i will be doing some work for her, because i can see how transparant this is, but it's a great opportunity to flex my creative skills.
other than that i don't as of yet know really what i'm doing here. but, that is the fun of it.i think i'll post this on my blog, so that everyone can see how weird this trip is going to be. but, in the interim, take care of yourself, tell daniel i said hi, and assure bridget that someday we will take cool bicycle photos on the train tracks. i promised didn't i?
on the setup tip, you want to make sure that you have three areas. depending on size of your space, this can be cramped, but you want to make sure they remain as seperate as possible:
1) prep area: a place, maybe a waist to ribs-level bench where you can look at your negs via a light table or a lamp. you can also use the floor around this area to store your chemistry, both unmixed and already prepared.
2) dry area: set up your enlarger here. usually set up with a base board and a timer attached, this area should be large enough sto both suit the size of the enlarger, and also an area to place other tools and/or negs and paper. nearby too can be a space for, focuscopes(the magnifier looking thingies), loupes, filters, photo easel, paper, straight edge cutting board & slicer, etc.
3) wet area: this is the place where you want to put all of your open chemistry, trays, and holding bins. i deally you would have a sink, so if this is the case, situate the wet area here, so as to not splash on anything that is irreplacable (negs, paper, anything stainable).
you also want to take into account ventilation and your safety lights: a fan or vent is ideal for refreshing the oxygen in the darkroom; you don't want to be huffing fumes all day....for once. the safety lights/lamps should be suited for the space; the amount of light and exact tint (red, orange, oreange-yellow) should be positioned so you can have it on when you enter the room, and be placed where you can view everything in the dry area, but also be luminate enough to gauge the correct exposure of the photos in the wet area. also because color photo might need a different shade depending on the sort of paper used.
this is important to note the strenth too, because you could fog your paper if it is left out too long under a strong light. a good tip would be to measure the distance from your light to your enlarger, and then to your wet trays, and look on the lights' box too see if it is an okay enought strength/distance.
other than that if you need more specifics, i can give you some more information. happy printing!
bay
ps- it's hot!
---
Thursday, April 22, 2004
" 14 hours to go "
---
yesterday my dad took me up to the bank. we talked for a bit, and he told me that he wanted me to do the best job i could in thailand. i sat there in his van listening to the words come out of his mouth; the way he talks, the rythym of his speech and the care in his voice. like one of those brief moments where you realize that your parents are real people and they love you.
we went inside to the teller and he got me an amount of money in the form of travellers' checks. while the teller was processing them, he said to me that forever how long i stay, i have to work hard, and learn, and have fun. there's nothing like this sort of opportunity left for me. before you leave, use this money to go travelling around for two weeks, explore the country, see out house, and visit your family.
i started tearing up in line in the bank on solono, and i had to just let it go. so i stood there crying with my dad in a bank.
those are the moments which define a relationship, and one of the things i'll take with me on my trip.
wish me luck.
---
yesterday my dad took me up to the bank. we talked for a bit, and he told me that he wanted me to do the best job i could in thailand. i sat there in his van listening to the words come out of his mouth; the way he talks, the rythym of his speech and the care in his voice. like one of those brief moments where you realize that your parents are real people and they love you.
we went inside to the teller and he got me an amount of money in the form of travellers' checks. while the teller was processing them, he said to me that forever how long i stay, i have to work hard, and learn, and have fun. there's nothing like this sort of opportunity left for me. before you leave, use this money to go travelling around for two weeks, explore the country, see out house, and visit your family.
i started tearing up in line in the bank on solono, and i had to just let it go. so i stood there crying with my dad in a bank.
those are the moments which define a relationship, and one of the things i'll take with me on my trip.
wish me luck.
---
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
" crying in the dark "
---
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
you sit and wait to be entertained, and lo, here comes the onslaught that is kaufman and gondry.
you cry internal to the external. you shudder and laugh. you begin to realize that love is just as blissfull and as painful as our grasp on reality. it wanes and refuels, it bends and shifts, it becomes truth and it causes distress.
and yet i cannot help but feel for these two lost people. i want them to be able to overcome all of this pain and hurt and memory, so that i can feel that i can overcome anything that i may go through.
i want to love and give love and recieve love and be happy and make others happy and safe and important and feel rage if i am in a fit and feel hurt when i in pain.
these are the important things that i want to explore and share and observe and study and engage and be about.
what else can you do for me?
what can you do for yourself?
if connections that are so elusive become obsessive desires and warp our beings in the plight for it, that eternal "it," then why do we seek it so fervently?
and the answer is always the same.
i just cannot help myself. i am in love with being in love.
bay to all...
...ps-i leave on thursday, so you're all going to have to learn to survive out there without me for a tic.
---
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
you sit and wait to be entertained, and lo, here comes the onslaught that is kaufman and gondry.
you cry internal to the external. you shudder and laugh. you begin to realize that love is just as blissfull and as painful as our grasp on reality. it wanes and refuels, it bends and shifts, it becomes truth and it causes distress.
and yet i cannot help but feel for these two lost people. i want them to be able to overcome all of this pain and hurt and memory, so that i can feel that i can overcome anything that i may go through.
i want to love and give love and recieve love and be happy and make others happy and safe and important and feel rage if i am in a fit and feel hurt when i in pain.
these are the important things that i want to explore and share and observe and study and engage and be about.
what else can you do for me?
what can you do for yourself?
if connections that are so elusive become obsessive desires and warp our beings in the plight for it, that eternal "it," then why do we seek it so fervently?
and the answer is always the same.
i just cannot help myself. i am in love with being in love.
bay to all...
...ps-i leave on thursday, so you're all going to have to learn to survive out there without me for a tic.
---
Monday, April 19, 2004
" why is it? "
---
why is it every time you plan to leave to somewhere for a long time, something wants you to stay? how come these things never come up before, and how come i still am leaving in s[ite of these happenings?
it never ceases to confound my better judgement on the topic of money too. i save, and i save up a lot. i wouldn't say i'm cheap, but i am mindful of my bill-fold. and how come for the past week, i've been at a pub or a bar or a social beverage-consuming gathering every night? i have no clue, but somehow i close the place down and end up eating at nations.
so to all, thanks for being there for me this past week, i'm really going to miss you. send me your addy's and i'll drop yous a postcard.
until then...
---
why is it every time you plan to leave to somewhere for a long time, something wants you to stay? how come these things never come up before, and how come i still am leaving in s[ite of these happenings?
it never ceases to confound my better judgement on the topic of money too. i save, and i save up a lot. i wouldn't say i'm cheap, but i am mindful of my bill-fold. and how come for the past week, i've been at a pub or a bar or a social beverage-consuming gathering every night? i have no clue, but somehow i close the place down and end up eating at nations.
so to all, thanks for being there for me this past week, i'm really going to miss you. send me your addy's and i'll drop yous a postcard.
until then...
---
Friday, April 16, 2004
" hah ahaha aha ah "
---
like some sort of urban ninja, i'll make my way to the airport and the plan for my escape out of coffee hell will be complete. i'll fly from SFO until i reach japan, then from tokyo fly to BKK, thailand.
then i'll have a great trip. i'll take a thousand great photographs and smell the air of my secondary homeland. i'm going to eat from a food stall on the street, buy fruit from a woman with a motorized bike/icebox contraption, learn some new aspects of myself, speak thai and be made fun of but prasied, sit quietly alone in my air-conditioned room and ponder "just what does this all mean?" over and over and over again until my mind is numb and i'm too hot to care.
yes, all of these things will happen and even more so.
so.
i guess i'm out of here like i said.
and as the moment of departure looms ever closer, i start to wonder if there's anything i'm forgetting.....don't you hate that feeling?
---
like some sort of urban ninja, i'll make my way to the airport and the plan for my escape out of coffee hell will be complete. i'll fly from SFO until i reach japan, then from tokyo fly to BKK, thailand.
then i'll have a great trip. i'll take a thousand great photographs and smell the air of my secondary homeland. i'm going to eat from a food stall on the street, buy fruit from a woman with a motorized bike/icebox contraption, learn some new aspects of myself, speak thai and be made fun of but prasied, sit quietly alone in my air-conditioned room and ponder "just what does this all mean?" over and over and over again until my mind is numb and i'm too hot to care.
yes, all of these things will happen and even more so.
so.
i guess i'm out of here like i said.
and as the moment of departure looms ever closer, i start to wonder if there's anything i'm forgetting.....don't you hate that feeling?
---
Monday, April 12, 2004
" it's time to go... "
---
Dayday1550: hi bay
Dayday1550: its laurel
weederman23: it's you!
Dayday1550: yes it is
Dayday1550: em's here tho
weederman23: i saw a taller brunettier twin of yours today at my work
Dayday1550: she just got back from santa barbara
Dayday1550: hmm?
weederman23: her last name is smith, and she's from oregon, but i didn't catch her first name
Dayday1550: realllly
weederman23: weird huh?
Dayday1550: she looked like me?
Dayday1550: weird
weederman23: tell emilie i said yo
weederman23: she sorta did look like you
weederman23: it was weird
weederman23: yah
Dayday1550: she says "what happened to sugar dumpling?"
weederman23: nothing i guess
weederman23: i don't understand anymore
Dayday1550: hi bay, it's me
weederman23: hello
weederman23: i am so delerious
weederman23: i worked allll day
weederman23: and tomorrow i'm gonna do it again
Dayday1550: that's life i guess
weederman23: it's true
Dayday1550: i saw a good foreign flick
Dayday1550: wilbur wants to kill himself
weederman23: which one?
weederman23: oh man that one looked good too
weederman23: i hella want to see "garden state"
Dayday1550: it was good, but i don't recommend it for anyone who might be sad or already trying to kill themselves
Dayday1550: i want to see that one too
weederman23: true on both those accounts
weederman23: so...
weederman23: i might be leaving the country
weederman23: for an undisclosed amount of time
Dayday1550: where the hell are you going?
weederman23: thailand, shanghai china, and back to thailand, then, who knows
weederman23: do some photo, some camera stuff, look for work
Dayday1550: WOW
Dayday1550: what brought this on?
weederman23: i still have to think about what it is i'm going to do
weederman23: i got a call from that woman i worked for in 2000, and she asked me if i could go help her out taking some photos and whatnot
weederman23: but she still hasn't called back telling me what specifically i'd be doing
weederman23: that, and also i have nothing really going on in the US
weederman23: or even locally in the bay area
Dayday1550: you are typing too fast
weederman23: no good job to holdme back and no one to stay for really
weederman23: sorry
weederman23: i get in "the zone" sometimes
weederman23: i'll stop
Dayday1550: ok
Dayday1550: i caught up
weederman23: so that's the line of thought i have,
weederman23: why not go" i ask myself
Dayday1550: you should go
weederman23: and so for the past few days i've been doing some heavy thought
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: half exciting half sad
Dayday1550: i wish i could go somewhere now and someone who looks like me could finish my quarter
weederman23: you start to realize that people you care about want you to go
weederman23: wait for the cloning machine to be mass marketed on the infomercials
---
Dayday1550: hi bay
Dayday1550: its laurel
weederman23: it's you!
Dayday1550: yes it is
Dayday1550: em's here tho
weederman23: i saw a taller brunettier twin of yours today at my work
Dayday1550: she just got back from santa barbara
Dayday1550: hmm?
weederman23: her last name is smith, and she's from oregon, but i didn't catch her first name
Dayday1550: realllly
weederman23: weird huh?
Dayday1550: she looked like me?
Dayday1550: weird
weederman23: tell emilie i said yo
weederman23: she sorta did look like you
weederman23: it was weird
weederman23: yah
Dayday1550: she says "what happened to sugar dumpling?"
weederman23: nothing i guess
weederman23: i don't understand anymore
Dayday1550: hi bay, it's me
weederman23: hello
weederman23: i am so delerious
weederman23: i worked allll day
weederman23: and tomorrow i'm gonna do it again
Dayday1550: that's life i guess
weederman23: it's true
Dayday1550: i saw a good foreign flick
Dayday1550: wilbur wants to kill himself
weederman23: which one?
weederman23: oh man that one looked good too
weederman23: i hella want to see "garden state"
Dayday1550: it was good, but i don't recommend it for anyone who might be sad or already trying to kill themselves
Dayday1550: i want to see that one too
weederman23: true on both those accounts
weederman23: so...
weederman23: i might be leaving the country
weederman23: for an undisclosed amount of time
Dayday1550: where the hell are you going?
weederman23: thailand, shanghai china, and back to thailand, then, who knows
weederman23: do some photo, some camera stuff, look for work
Dayday1550: WOW
Dayday1550: what brought this on?
weederman23: i still have to think about what it is i'm going to do
weederman23: i got a call from that woman i worked for in 2000, and she asked me if i could go help her out taking some photos and whatnot
weederman23: but she still hasn't called back telling me what specifically i'd be doing
weederman23: that, and also i have nothing really going on in the US
weederman23: or even locally in the bay area
Dayday1550: you are typing too fast
weederman23: no good job to holdme back and no one to stay for really
weederman23: sorry
weederman23: i get in "the zone" sometimes
weederman23: i'll stop
Dayday1550: ok
Dayday1550: i caught up
weederman23: so that's the line of thought i have,
weederman23: why not go" i ask myself
Dayday1550: you should go
weederman23: and so for the past few days i've been doing some heavy thought
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: half exciting half sad
Dayday1550: i wish i could go somewhere now and someone who looks like me could finish my quarter
weederman23: you start to realize that people you care about want you to go
weederman23: wait for the cloning machine to be mass marketed on the infomercials
---
Saturday, April 10, 2004
" i'm outta here....um, again "
---
soooooooooooo yeah,
i am going to china it seems. yes, it's true.
for a week.
to work with a crew doing still photo and DV camera work.
fun right?
i hope i don't get monkey pox or what not.
bye in may.
---
soooooooooooo yeah,
i am going to china it seems. yes, it's true.
for a week.
to work with a crew doing still photo and DV camera work.
fun right?
i hope i don't get monkey pox or what not.
bye in may.
---
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
" getting new connections are like getting new diapers... "
---
...because you never quite realized how much poo you were previously sitting in. i just hooked up the new computer plus a new super LAN connection. i used to be blind, and now i see. when you upgrade your computer, you not only become that much more of a nerd and introvert, you become a super nerd and a super power if not localized in your basement room. so watch out. this nerd's got diggity lan flavoured dsl! and i'm not afraid to use it.
can this get any more sad?
---
...because you never quite realized how much poo you were previously sitting in. i just hooked up the new computer plus a new super LAN connection. i used to be blind, and now i see. when you upgrade your computer, you not only become that much more of a nerd and introvert, you become a super nerd and a super power if not localized in your basement room. so watch out. this nerd's got diggity lan flavoured dsl! and i'm not afraid to use it.
can this get any more sad?
---
Monday, April 05, 2004
" sometimes you just want to believe "
---
self doubt is the killer of dreams
i can see that it's beginning to get serious. the game is no longer fun, the chase no longer interactive. i feel that that dream job is not coming to me. i must go to find it.
and just what the hell are "they" looking for anyways? passion? check. a bright and bedazzling sense of vision? um, check much? and what else? drive, panache, individualism, the ability to work with others and alone?
it's time i think to make a choice about whther i want to work in a coffee shop any longer, or if i want to make movies.
i think i'm starting to realize that i'd rather smell like movies rather than coffee grounds.
---
self doubt is the killer of dreams
i can see that it's beginning to get serious. the game is no longer fun, the chase no longer interactive. i feel that that dream job is not coming to me. i must go to find it.
and just what the hell are "they" looking for anyways? passion? check. a bright and bedazzling sense of vision? um, check much? and what else? drive, panache, individualism, the ability to work with others and alone?
it's time i think to make a choice about whther i want to work in a coffee shop any longer, or if i want to make movies.
i think i'm starting to realize that i'd rather smell like movies rather than coffee grounds.
---
Monday, March 29, 2004
" the end of my introduction to police quotas "
---
well it's done. i've done the time, and i've persevered. at least i think i have. it makes you wonder if you as the average person will ever win against fraudulent policemen. i was stopped for a dumb ass reason and i ended up paying the price; both financially as well as chronologically. so here is the end result of that part of my vehicular life thus far...and it only cost me an average amount of 220 dollars:
Congratulations! You have successfully passed the Final Exam.
Below is your confirmation information:
Name: C.bay Milin
Student ID: Cbay861031
License #: --------
Passed date: 2004-03-29
Jurisdiction: CA / Alameda / Berkeley-Albany Court
Docket#: ----------
You passed your Final Exam with score of 100 percent.
This e-mail message is your confirmation that you have
successfully completed the course. Please print or store this message for
your records.
Below is the information regarding your certificate processing.
Although not listed in this email, all express delivery requests
and other requested extra services will be properly noted and
carried out when we process your certificate. If you have not
requested an express delivery or any other extra service option
and you would like to do so now, please contact our office for
assistance.
Your certificate is free!
Your jurisdiction requires your signature on the original completion
certificate, therefore we will mail the original certificate to you via standard
U.S. Mail to your address. Your certificate will be mailed the same day if you
complete the course by 3pm PST / 6pm EST weekdays and 2pm PST / 5pm EST
Saturday, excluding holidays. Standard mail can take about 3 to 5 business days
on the West Coast and 5 to 7 business days on the East Coast. Express delivery
options are available.
Thank you for choosing our online traffic school course. We
wish you a future of safe driving!
Sincerely,
The Staff Of Traffic School Online
...
i don't know if the system works, but it's definitely doing something.
---
well it's done. i've done the time, and i've persevered. at least i think i have. it makes you wonder if you as the average person will ever win against fraudulent policemen. i was stopped for a dumb ass reason and i ended up paying the price; both financially as well as chronologically. so here is the end result of that part of my vehicular life thus far...and it only cost me an average amount of 220 dollars:
Congratulations! You have successfully passed the Final Exam.
Below is your confirmation information:
Name: C.bay Milin
Student ID: Cbay861031
License #: --------
Passed date: 2004-03-29
Jurisdiction: CA / Alameda / Berkeley-Albany Court
Docket#: ----------
You passed your Final Exam with score of 100 percent.
This e-mail message is your confirmation that you have
successfully completed the course. Please print or store this message for
your records.
Below is the information regarding your certificate processing.
Although not listed in this email, all express delivery requests
and other requested extra services will be properly noted and
carried out when we process your certificate. If you have not
requested an express delivery or any other extra service option
and you would like to do so now, please contact our office for
assistance.
Your certificate is free!
Your jurisdiction requires your signature on the original completion
certificate, therefore we will mail the original certificate to you via standard
U.S. Mail to your address. Your certificate will be mailed the same day if you
complete the course by 3pm PST / 6pm EST weekdays and 2pm PST / 5pm EST
Saturday, excluding holidays. Standard mail can take about 3 to 5 business days
on the West Coast and 5 to 7 business days on the East Coast. Express delivery
options are available.
Thank you for choosing our online traffic school course. We
wish you a future of safe driving!
Sincerely,
The Staff Of Traffic School Online
...
i don't know if the system works, but it's definitely doing something.
---
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
" martian shores "
---
we've found evidence of water
upon martian shores
so why can't we get me a better job?
---
we've found evidence of water
upon martian shores
so why can't we get me a better job?
---
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
" gee golly and diddly dang man "
---
so last night i decide to try my hand at selling crap on ebay. i chose a motor drive power winder that i have had sitting on my shelf for around two years or so. it doesn't even work with any of the cameras i have, so i said to myself what the hey.
then!
when i go to check the status in the morning, cambuff1 has already bought the thing!
now amid a flutter of cyber paperwork and merchant email invoice-type distributionaryness, i am sent spiraling into the nutty world of the ebay seller.
i've gotten the first taste, and there's no turning back.
i think.
---
so last night i decide to try my hand at selling crap on ebay. i chose a motor drive power winder that i have had sitting on my shelf for around two years or so. it doesn't even work with any of the cameras i have, so i said to myself what the hey.
then!
when i go to check the status in the morning, cambuff1 has already bought the thing!
now amid a flutter of cyber paperwork and merchant email invoice-type distributionaryness, i am sent spiraling into the nutty world of the ebay seller.
i've gotten the first taste, and there's no turning back.
i think.
---
Monday, March 22, 2004
" the aftermath of dogs "
---
okay, so i call the berkeley emergency pet care center, the place with the lockers...and i talk to this man who rushes through my questions and asks me only what color the dog is and what locker i placed him in.
he quickly replied to me the owner has him, then hung up on me.
curt, busy, and to the point i suppose. but the owner has the dog now, so i guess there's that...
---
okay, so i call the berkeley emergency pet care center, the place with the lockers...and i talk to this man who rushes through my questions and asks me only what color the dog is and what locker i placed him in.
he quickly replied to me the owner has him, then hung up on me.
curt, busy, and to the point i suppose. but the owner has the dog now, so i guess there's that...
---
" sweet sweet dog "
---
today while at work i found a dog wandering the streets and no one was around that looked like they owned this dog, so i whistled it over and he was this beautiful chocolate brown beige and white tinged dog. mid-sized and no barking-type.
i had no idea what to do, but felt that i couldn't leave him to roam the street all willy nilly, so i took him into my work and had him lie down near to me so i could keep an eye on him. i checked the tags while giving him some water and there was a name and number, so i called it.
no one picked, up and they had an emergency pet number to call, so i called them. they said to bring the dog by at 10th and university after i was done closing at work.
i took the dog there after work, and he was so trusting and sweet and sad. i wanted to find his owner so that he could go somewhere where he could be loved and get food and shelter...
when i got to the pet hospital i filled out some forms and answered some basic information questions, but when it came time to leave him there, they said that there was no room!
where is this sweet sweet doggie going to stay? i toyed around with the notion to take him home, but i found out that you could locker stays at the dog pet emergency center on 2nd at addison. so i drove there next.
the hardest part was putting him into the locker. i filled out the form and wrote notes to the place employees on how i found him, what i did while he was in my care, and how he ended up there. and then when it came time to place him into the locker, he didn't want to go in. i had to sit there and sing bob marley songs to him so that he knew that i had tried my best to do him right.
as i left the lockers area, i felt so bad that he had to stay there.
tomorrow i suppose i will find out what is going to happen to him, sweet sweet doggie.
with fingers crossed for good luck,
good night.
---
today while at work i found a dog wandering the streets and no one was around that looked like they owned this dog, so i whistled it over and he was this beautiful chocolate brown beige and white tinged dog. mid-sized and no barking-type.
i had no idea what to do, but felt that i couldn't leave him to roam the street all willy nilly, so i took him into my work and had him lie down near to me so i could keep an eye on him. i checked the tags while giving him some water and there was a name and number, so i called it.
no one picked, up and they had an emergency pet number to call, so i called them. they said to bring the dog by at 10th and university after i was done closing at work.
i took the dog there after work, and he was so trusting and sweet and sad. i wanted to find his owner so that he could go somewhere where he could be loved and get food and shelter...
when i got to the pet hospital i filled out some forms and answered some basic information questions, but when it came time to leave him there, they said that there was no room!
where is this sweet sweet doggie going to stay? i toyed around with the notion to take him home, but i found out that you could locker stays at the dog pet emergency center on 2nd at addison. so i drove there next.
the hardest part was putting him into the locker. i filled out the form and wrote notes to the place employees on how i found him, what i did while he was in my care, and how he ended up there. and then when it came time to place him into the locker, he didn't want to go in. i had to sit there and sing bob marley songs to him so that he knew that i had tried my best to do him right.
as i left the lockers area, i felt so bad that he had to stay there.
tomorrow i suppose i will find out what is going to happen to him, sweet sweet doggie.
with fingers crossed for good luck,
good night.
---
Thursday, March 18, 2004
" good-bye la-la land "
---
a good time had by all.
so good last night roscoes chicken and waffles #13 the carole c. special oh yeah!
good trip up today, left at 9.30, stopped twice, made it into albany by 3.30
dropped of banjo the dog at ******'s house
went out to dinner at Man Puku with ****
then shopping at ameoba and cody's and moe's
glad to be home
smoosh
---
a good time had by all.
so good last night roscoes chicken and waffles #13 the carole c. special oh yeah!
good trip up today, left at 9.30, stopped twice, made it into albany by 3.30
dropped of banjo the dog at ******'s house
went out to dinner at Man Puku with ****
then shopping at ameoba and cody's and moe's
glad to be home
smoosh
---
Monday, March 15, 2004
" almost there "
---
train departing, holding baggage in tightly clamped hand.
my shoulders ache and i am tired by this trip.
the girl on the train wears clothes that i have never seen her wearing before,
and i don't know how to feel.
she's holding a tiny purse with a silver clasp.
the loose strands in her hair sway in the breeze.
i can see that she's gone far and she doesn't look the same.
just in parts; her hands, her exposed feet, her frame.
it's time to leave this train at the station and head in another direction.
the sun is so hot as it bares it's solar teeth into the back of my neck;
it seems as if i have been standing there forever.
tired, spent, alone, and weary.
as i turn to leave the station,
i take the old memories of her and place them
within my bulging luggage.
even with my shoulders tight with a bright pain,
it seems that the trip home will be okay.
the train starts to lull forward and the girls fades away.
i smell faint wisps of her skin on the air, and
i can feel her eyes tuning and looking away.
it is a new day.
---
train departing, holding baggage in tightly clamped hand.
my shoulders ache and i am tired by this trip.
the girl on the train wears clothes that i have never seen her wearing before,
and i don't know how to feel.
she's holding a tiny purse with a silver clasp.
the loose strands in her hair sway in the breeze.
i can see that she's gone far and she doesn't look the same.
just in parts; her hands, her exposed feet, her frame.
it's time to leave this train at the station and head in another direction.
the sun is so hot as it bares it's solar teeth into the back of my neck;
it seems as if i have been standing there forever.
tired, spent, alone, and weary.
as i turn to leave the station,
i take the old memories of her and place them
within my bulging luggage.
even with my shoulders tight with a bright pain,
it seems that the trip home will be okay.
the train starts to lull forward and the girls fades away.
i smell faint wisps of her skin on the air, and
i can feel her eyes tuning and looking away.
it is a new day.
---
Saturday, March 13, 2004
" caught off gaurd "
---
you start to think about the things that really meant something in your life; those moments which define who you are, what you like, what you decide is just, and true, and fair. and you begin every day to better become the person you are.
the constant questioning of the Self, and self worth, and impact in others that you have, and the way people that you care about reflect all of those things back to you start to become so important, that you almost have lost yourself in the journey of it all.
trying to be true to my heart and physical being is always thus the same daily concern then. when am i being true to myself? when am i being all that i want to be, and am i being fair to myself? can i be selfish and introverted at will, or do i filter who i am, in the light of other?
to always be droll and malcontent in my search for a love that will define all of my as of yet non fulfilled hearts yearnings, then become an anchor and a hinderence. how can ittract anyone, especially someone that i might be good with and alongside of, if i cannot get past the biggest of barriers, which is my lack to see with open eyes? and it seems that i have been searching ever long. and when it becomes a daily thought and ritual to deconstruct one's self, that can feel like the anchor will never rise to the surface.
i suppose then, that i am being true, and i am being just me, and this becomes slowly real and honest. if i am hurt it will be seen and heard; if i am happy you will see my smile and laugh, and all of that brightness returns.
and with that last beautiful thought, i am going to stop writing and think not on the laments of ghost-happenings of the past, and start to move beyond my comfort zones; to break through again to the other side, and see who i'll evolve into next.
to discover another love in any other way would be default.
---
you start to think about the things that really meant something in your life; those moments which define who you are, what you like, what you decide is just, and true, and fair. and you begin every day to better become the person you are.
the constant questioning of the Self, and self worth, and impact in others that you have, and the way people that you care about reflect all of those things back to you start to become so important, that you almost have lost yourself in the journey of it all.
trying to be true to my heart and physical being is always thus the same daily concern then. when am i being true to myself? when am i being all that i want to be, and am i being fair to myself? can i be selfish and introverted at will, or do i filter who i am, in the light of other?
to always be droll and malcontent in my search for a love that will define all of my as of yet non fulfilled hearts yearnings, then become an anchor and a hinderence. how can ittract anyone, especially someone that i might be good with and alongside of, if i cannot get past the biggest of barriers, which is my lack to see with open eyes? and it seems that i have been searching ever long. and when it becomes a daily thought and ritual to deconstruct one's self, that can feel like the anchor will never rise to the surface.
i suppose then, that i am being true, and i am being just me, and this becomes slowly real and honest. if i am hurt it will be seen and heard; if i am happy you will see my smile and laugh, and all of that brightness returns.
and with that last beautiful thought, i am going to stop writing and think not on the laments of ghost-happenings of the past, and start to move beyond my comfort zones; to break through again to the other side, and see who i'll evolve into next.
to discover another love in any other way would be default.
---
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
" huh? where? how? "
---
1) take the 80 to the ____ to the 5
2) 5 to the 134, get off at hollywood way
3) left at hollywood way, right on Magnolia, left at n. cordova that WAMU is on the corner
1) take the 134W towards pasadena
2) exit at figeroa, continue past columbia and york
3) left at ave. 60
4) right at collis, left at pullman, left at dead end
1) take 134E to the 101N
2) merge onto the 405S
3) exit at wilshire, follow until you see a tiny three-story on the left
1) right on magnolia
2) left at hollywood way
3) right on olive
4) follow olive until it becomes barham
5) take barham to a dead end, turn left
6) follow alongside the 101 until coming alongside Highland
7) take highland all the way down past sunset, santa monica, and hollywood blvd
8) make a right on melrose, left two blocks after fairfax, immediate right into alley way, two stores down
8a) make a right on melrose, left on martel, right on rosewood, park
8b) make a right on olympic, follow olympic for 3-4 miles, call for help
are we there yet?
---
1) take the 80 to the ____ to the 5
2) 5 to the 134, get off at hollywood way
3) left at hollywood way, right on Magnolia, left at n. cordova that WAMU is on the corner
1) take the 134W towards pasadena
2) exit at figeroa, continue past columbia and york
3) left at ave. 60
4) right at collis, left at pullman, left at dead end
1) take 134E to the 101N
2) merge onto the 405S
3) exit at wilshire, follow until you see a tiny three-story on the left
1) right on magnolia
2) left at hollywood way
3) right on olive
4) follow olive until it becomes barham
5) take barham to a dead end, turn left
6) follow alongside the 101 until coming alongside Highland
7) take highland all the way down past sunset, santa monica, and hollywood blvd
8) make a right on melrose, left two blocks after fairfax, immediate right into alley way, two stores down
8a) make a right on melrose, left on martel, right on rosewood, park
8b) make a right on olympic, follow olympic for 3-4 miles, call for help
are we there yet?
---
" convincing yourself... "
---
it's fine. suprisingly good as well. when you pent up so much anger and time into disliking a place, it can get fairly exhaustive. like trying to find out the name of that band who sang that song? you know it, it's right there, and yet, it gets so frustrating; trying to remember what it all was, as if you never knew them at all.
so i might be wrong about la-la land. it's been good to me this time, and i wanted to out that aspect of this trip to myself. last night i spent some time with patrick and his g/f jen. we played a kick-ass game of super scrabble and just had fun. i went to in-and-out with patrick and we were talking about how it was rad that two friends that know eachother fairly well, can still co-exist in an environment roughly 400 some miles away from their home and initial comfort zone; another shining example of humans innate ability to conform to the rapidly changing environmental elements, whether structural or seasonal.
i am about to go down to the costa mesa/irvine region of california tomorrow and hope to have a good time there as well. the sun is shining above, bright and hot. all of my "tasks" are finished, and it feels as if everything is going to be okay. it's sort of scary.
---
it's fine. suprisingly good as well. when you pent up so much anger and time into disliking a place, it can get fairly exhaustive. like trying to find out the name of that band who sang that song? you know it, it's right there, and yet, it gets so frustrating; trying to remember what it all was, as if you never knew them at all.
so i might be wrong about la-la land. it's been good to me this time, and i wanted to out that aspect of this trip to myself. last night i spent some time with patrick and his g/f jen. we played a kick-ass game of super scrabble and just had fun. i went to in-and-out with patrick and we were talking about how it was rad that two friends that know eachother fairly well, can still co-exist in an environment roughly 400 some miles away from their home and initial comfort zone; another shining example of humans innate ability to conform to the rapidly changing environmental elements, whether structural or seasonal.
i am about to go down to the costa mesa/irvine region of california tomorrow and hope to have a good time there as well. the sun is shining above, bright and hot. all of my "tasks" are finished, and it feels as if everything is going to be okay. it's sort of scary.
---
Saturday, March 06, 2004
" L.A. shows "
---
soooooooooooo, i went to this rad show last night; it was geld at the "Henry Ford Music Box Theatre," in Hollywood. i loved it. in fact i almost couldn't remember what a big booming rockin' ass show felt like. iwhen we got there (i went with a friend of mine's vanessa yanez), there was this rip-roaring band called The Peak Show on stage tearing the shit out of everything. the lead singer, a flapper dressed super diva extending her larynx and diaphram to the limits, and dancing up a storm alongside her fellow musically hard as fudge cohorts. i was peeing, literally peeing my pants...okay not literally, but i almost felt a trickle of happiness somewhere.
they sang a number of tunes all in a joyuously positively radiant manner; heavy on drums, steady rock, deep deep thrusts of bass, and melodically hued vocal tones; the highlight of their slate being an homage to rage against the machine intro to one of their somgs....there's just something about a lady rocker belting out rage, that touches me deep inside where i am soft like a woman.
then Go Betty Go mounted the stage after a while and ruled in the girl band super kick ass high volume and high energy way. if i wasn't a fan before, i was up on their van wagon and riding alongside the demon. the drummer was so phatty; i almost wanted to sit nestled inside her bass drum and cuddle with her snare, it was so fuckin' awsome. tearing the shit out of her kit like newly formed waves upon ancient shores. and the bassist although petite in stature kept it all together with the timely exacting finger plucks that won you over.
the headliner was a smiths cover band that ruled in the most awkward way. like, i knew the words, but everyone was a tad too excited; how do you love a cover band so much? is it that they evoke memories or experiences of the original band so much? is it that they are the closest that you'll ever get to the "real thing?" truly a sight to see,; men and women alike nearly to tears scrambling together closely knit and as tight as cranny, waiting for the blessed moment that flowers would be lovingly tossed into the crowd. i think at those moments, i was so outside of what i consider my "comfort zone" that i had to move a coupla steps back...but it was fun to witness over all.
all of the guys in the crowd were so varied, it's hard to believe that such a motley crue was seen together; rockers with tats, cholo looking dudes, tiny kids with big hair, fat old men with no hair, dorks, hipsters, braided natives-looking pierced and bespectacled tranny, and others as well. all of the ladies either were dressed in everyday garb, or as i called them, clad to the nines in something i like to call, "starlet harlott" costume; sort of a modern pseudo hipster-glam-punky interpretation of a darker fifties suzy baker's daughter on the weekends making out with bobby whittaker in the back of a caddy look. it's pretty hot.
so yay L.A. damn you! i had fun.
what ever will i do?!
---
soooooooooooo, i went to this rad show last night; it was geld at the "Henry Ford Music Box Theatre," in Hollywood. i loved it. in fact i almost couldn't remember what a big booming rockin' ass show felt like. iwhen we got there (i went with a friend of mine's vanessa yanez), there was this rip-roaring band called The Peak Show on stage tearing the shit out of everything. the lead singer, a flapper dressed super diva extending her larynx and diaphram to the limits, and dancing up a storm alongside her fellow musically hard as fudge cohorts. i was peeing, literally peeing my pants...okay not literally, but i almost felt a trickle of happiness somewhere.
they sang a number of tunes all in a joyuously positively radiant manner; heavy on drums, steady rock, deep deep thrusts of bass, and melodically hued vocal tones; the highlight of their slate being an homage to rage against the machine intro to one of their somgs....there's just something about a lady rocker belting out rage, that touches me deep inside where i am soft like a woman.
then Go Betty Go mounted the stage after a while and ruled in the girl band super kick ass high volume and high energy way. if i wasn't a fan before, i was up on their van wagon and riding alongside the demon. the drummer was so phatty; i almost wanted to sit nestled inside her bass drum and cuddle with her snare, it was so fuckin' awsome. tearing the shit out of her kit like newly formed waves upon ancient shores. and the bassist although petite in stature kept it all together with the timely exacting finger plucks that won you over.
the headliner was a smiths cover band that ruled in the most awkward way. like, i knew the words, but everyone was a tad too excited; how do you love a cover band so much? is it that they evoke memories or experiences of the original band so much? is it that they are the closest that you'll ever get to the "real thing?" truly a sight to see,; men and women alike nearly to tears scrambling together closely knit and as tight as cranny, waiting for the blessed moment that flowers would be lovingly tossed into the crowd. i think at those moments, i was so outside of what i consider my "comfort zone" that i had to move a coupla steps back...but it was fun to witness over all.
all of the guys in the crowd were so varied, it's hard to believe that such a motley crue was seen together; rockers with tats, cholo looking dudes, tiny kids with big hair, fat old men with no hair, dorks, hipsters, braided natives-looking pierced and bespectacled tranny, and others as well. all of the ladies either were dressed in everyday garb, or as i called them, clad to the nines in something i like to call, "starlet harlott" costume; sort of a modern pseudo hipster-glam-punky interpretation of a darker fifties suzy baker's daughter on the weekends making out with bobby whittaker in the back of a caddy look. it's pretty hot.
so yay L.A. damn you! i had fun.
what ever will i do?!
---
" photographic mishaps..."
---
weederman23: here i am
loki331: dude!
loki331: i'm watching ali g
weederman23: finally right?
weederman23: hells yeah
loki331: yeah, where are you?
weederman23: loooord mercy
weederman23: at my uncles' abode
weederman23: i got the photos from iceland back
weederman23: and man
weederman23: i fucked up bigtime
loki331: whaaaat!?
weederman23: remember around akeureyri
weederman23: i was tripping about the exposure index compensation thingie?
loki331: before or after?
loki331: dude, ali g is sooo fucking retarded
weederman23: i mean that potion in lieu of already pushing the film 2 stops
weederman23: so tard
weederman23: during shooting
weederman23: and i would already have the 100 speed @ 400, then on top of that add compensation
weederman23: yeah, well, now i know not to ever do that ever
weederman23: ever
weederman23: i got maybe 10 percent of photos to come out properly exposed
weederman23: the bulk of the rest lie somewhere inbetween "almost good" purgatory, and underexposed hell
weederman23: so a boo on me thus
loki331: well, that's not all of them tho, right?
weederman23: yeah
loki331: sorry, i was trying to think in my head what you meant
loki331: lol
weederman23: but most of the cool ones i thought i made, turned out to be so internally disappointing
loki331: aww, dude, i'm sorry to hear that
weederman23: and photographically laughable, considering my experience
weederman23: some really cool shots turned out so dark
loki331: how many stops did you push in developing?
weederman23: and almost okay, but not really
weederman23: 2.5
weederman23: just to get the most out of both over and under compensation from the initial push
weederman23: i'll scan the cool ones
loki331: yeah, dude, of course
loki331: i'm sure there's some salvageable stuff
loki331: especially with the computer
weederman23: suprisingly however, the nightscapes, almost all of them in fact, turned out superb and right on the mark
weederman23: i just feel bad, because if i go over to show your parents, i'll feel less-than
weederman23: like they'll say, "hey bay...so this is what you think of iceland"
weederman23: :-(
loki331: bah, whatever, i know there's plenty of good stuff
loki331: you can't always get everything you want out of it
loki331: i suppose you really hate me and my digital right now, eh?
loki331: :-weederman23: not really
weederman23: because even though my stuff flubbed photgraphically, it's a good reference digitally
weederman23: damn upsides!
loki331: no, no, yay upsides!
- you are right petur, you damn lucky right guy.
---
weederman23: here i am
loki331: dude!
loki331: i'm watching ali g
weederman23: finally right?
weederman23: hells yeah
loki331: yeah, where are you?
weederman23: loooord mercy
weederman23: at my uncles' abode
weederman23: i got the photos from iceland back
weederman23: and man
weederman23: i fucked up bigtime
loki331: whaaaat!?
weederman23: remember around akeureyri
weederman23: i was tripping about the exposure index compensation thingie?
loki331: before or after?
loki331: dude, ali g is sooo fucking retarded
weederman23: i mean that potion in lieu of already pushing the film 2 stops
weederman23: so tard
weederman23: during shooting
weederman23: and i would already have the 100 speed @ 400, then on top of that add compensation
weederman23: yeah, well, now i know not to ever do that ever
weederman23: ever
weederman23: i got maybe 10 percent of photos to come out properly exposed
weederman23: the bulk of the rest lie somewhere inbetween "almost good" purgatory, and underexposed hell
weederman23: so a boo on me thus
loki331: well, that's not all of them tho, right?
weederman23: yeah
loki331: sorry, i was trying to think in my head what you meant
loki331: lol
weederman23: but most of the cool ones i thought i made, turned out to be so internally disappointing
loki331: aww, dude, i'm sorry to hear that
weederman23: and photographically laughable, considering my experience
weederman23: some really cool shots turned out so dark
loki331: how many stops did you push in developing?
weederman23: and almost okay, but not really
weederman23: 2.5
weederman23: just to get the most out of both over and under compensation from the initial push
weederman23: i'll scan the cool ones
loki331: yeah, dude, of course
loki331: i'm sure there's some salvageable stuff
loki331: especially with the computer
weederman23: suprisingly however, the nightscapes, almost all of them in fact, turned out superb and right on the mark
weederman23: i just feel bad, because if i go over to show your parents, i'll feel less-than
weederman23: like they'll say, "hey bay...so this is what you think of iceland"
weederman23: :-(
loki331: bah, whatever, i know there's plenty of good stuff
loki331: you can't always get everything you want out of it
loki331: i suppose you really hate me and my digital right now, eh?
loki331: :-weederman23: not really
weederman23: because even though my stuff flubbed photgraphically, it's a good reference digitally
weederman23: damn upsides!
loki331: no, no, yay upsides!
- you are right petur, you damn lucky right guy.
---
Friday, March 05, 2004
" the news from the east cometh "
---
weederman23: and just as soon as she clicked online, there he was
weederman23: like a dark night looming
Daffie26: like magic
weederman23: or a whisper in ears unprepared
Daffie26: goodness
weederman23: goodness?
weederman23: did i upset you?
Daffie26: certainly not
weederman23: phew
weederman23: (wipes cybernetic brow thusly)
---
weederman23: and just as soon as she clicked online, there he was
weederman23: like a dark night looming
Daffie26: like magic
weederman23: or a whisper in ears unprepared
Daffie26: goodness
weederman23: goodness?
weederman23: did i upset you?
Daffie26: certainly not
weederman23: phew
weederman23: (wipes cybernetic brow thusly)
---
" p.s. to wednesday"
---
thanks for hanging out with me today nicole. you are rad. falafel, MOCA, punch drunk love, melrose shoppin', and jewish bakery adventures ensue. go banana!
---
thanks for hanging out with me today nicole. you are rad. falafel, MOCA, punch drunk love, melrose shoppin', and jewish bakery adventures ensue. go banana!
---
" snikkt! "
---
L.a, L.A. it's a hell of a town.
so, so far i have gotten my thesi film back from fotokem, went to a community protest with my good friend alana, her sister vanessa, and her mom elva, set up a telecine at magic film and video works, met up with my friend of recent old nicole, and contacted everyone else that i plan to see this week.
all in all thus far, i feel really good about the trip. oddly aldult. i want to create something now. a job, a piece, a photographic something; as in the film almost famous, it feels as if " it's all happening." the smog is not as thick, the purple sunsets not as menacingly there, and everyone seems less irate and more at ease.
i hate to say it, but i could see myself growing to like the darn place. jeez, there must be something in the water. in spite of the intense plasticine gloss over the shite of the area, it's slowly growing on me in a wierd way. until i find something really wrong with LA, i'm doing good. keep that head up yo, the silver lining is gleaming across the skies above.
booyah
---
L.a, L.A. it's a hell of a town.
so, so far i have gotten my thesi film back from fotokem, went to a community protest with my good friend alana, her sister vanessa, and her mom elva, set up a telecine at magic film and video works, met up with my friend of recent old nicole, and contacted everyone else that i plan to see this week.
all in all thus far, i feel really good about the trip. oddly aldult. i want to create something now. a job, a piece, a photographic something; as in the film almost famous, it feels as if " it's all happening." the smog is not as thick, the purple sunsets not as menacingly there, and everyone seems less irate and more at ease.
i hate to say it, but i could see myself growing to like the darn place. jeez, there must be something in the water. in spite of the intense plasticine gloss over the shite of the area, it's slowly growing on me in a wierd way. until i find something really wrong with LA, i'm doing good. keep that head up yo, the silver lining is gleaming across the skies above.
booyah
---
Saturday, February 28, 2004
" on the road again "
---
okay.
i know that everytime i get the travel itch, i most likely go to LA. just to spend a few days in that crazy city is almost worth the drive down. i enjoy looking at all of the acres of california produce whirring by in a comorful and bountiful blur. the trees plump with figs and nuts and oranges and all sorts of consumables. it's almost a shame that also along this lazy strip of highway there also is the smelliest passage before the grapevine, the methane cows of I-5.
aaaaaand, i know that i always say i hate LA, but then why do i go there? i can tel you it's not foe the city's excellent fresh air, its world-class public transportation, or its purple sunsets...no. it is the fact that there lives there people that i care about, and i'd rather tolerate the nuttiness of hell-A, rather than sit in my dank pit of a room and fester.
so, i;m off on monday, i'll probably post, and hopefully too, i will have a great time.
here's to travel.
---
okay.
i know that everytime i get the travel itch, i most likely go to LA. just to spend a few days in that crazy city is almost worth the drive down. i enjoy looking at all of the acres of california produce whirring by in a comorful and bountiful blur. the trees plump with figs and nuts and oranges and all sorts of consumables. it's almost a shame that also along this lazy strip of highway there also is the smelliest passage before the grapevine, the methane cows of I-5.
aaaaaand, i know that i always say i hate LA, but then why do i go there? i can tel you it's not foe the city's excellent fresh air, its world-class public transportation, or its purple sunsets...no. it is the fact that there lives there people that i care about, and i'd rather tolerate the nuttiness of hell-A, rather than sit in my dank pit of a room and fester.
so, i;m off on monday, i'll probably post, and hopefully too, i will have a great time.
here's to travel.
---
Monday, February 23, 2004
" sleepy peepy "
---
woke up this morning at 2:45pm. i had a fairly okay night full of cleaning up homeless man excrement at work and looking through about the whole lentgh of my life through photograh up until 3am.
right now i am eating for breakfast a bowl of blueberries, some brie and crackers.
aaaaaaand the world is now a better place.
---
woke up this morning at 2:45pm. i had a fairly okay night full of cleaning up homeless man excrement at work and looking through about the whole lentgh of my life through photograh up until 3am.
right now i am eating for breakfast a bowl of blueberries, some brie and crackers.
aaaaaaand the world is now a better place.
---
Thursday, February 19, 2004
" mommy, what's wrong with me? "
---
below is what is to be the last of the festival rejection (oops, i mean "non-inclusion") emails/notices i am to recieve for the first try at submitting to festivals. i tried, local, coastal, inland, and international festivals, and it seems unanimous, my work is not good enough.
i suppose i cannot help but feel bad for my work, but it helps stave off the pangs of multiple rejection. some questions come to mind:
what could i have done better?
was it really that bad?
was it so good, it would've overthrown the rest of submissions?
what did they really think of it?
and then i notice a blazing similarity in these questions of film festivals, and relationships at the end of their life.
but whateve, i cannot stop being a filmmaker, so onward ho!
or something optimistic like that.
---
195 Chrystie St. #503, New York, NY. 10002 ph: 212 614 2775 / fax: 212 614 2776
Dear filmmaker,
We sincerely apologize for these delayed notices, and thank you for submitting your work to the 11th Annual NY Underground Film Festival.
Unfortunately, the NY Underground Film Festival will not be able to accommodate a screening for you in 2004. Our Festival Selection Committee viewed close to 1400 film and video entries, decisions were extremely difficult, and many examples of excellent work did not make the final cut.
Thank you for considering the NY Underground Film Festival, and we sincerely look forward to seeing work from you in the future.
Sincerely,
Kendra Gaeta
Festival Director
Ed Halter
Executive Producer
below is what is to be the last of the festival rejection (oops, i mean "non-inclusion") emails/notices i am to recieve for the first try at submitting to festivals. i tried, local, coastal, inland, and international festivals, and it seems unanimous, my work is not good enough.
i suppose i cannot help but feel bad for my work, but it helps stave off the pangs of multiple rejection. some questions come to mind:
what could i have done better?
was it really that bad?
was it so good, it would've overthrown the rest of submissions?
what did they really think of it?
and then i notice a blazing similarity in these questions of film festivals, and relationships at the end of their life.
but whateve, i cannot stop being a filmmaker, so onward ho!
or something optimistic like that.
---
195 Chrystie St. #503, New York, NY. 10002 ph: 212 614 2775 / fax: 212 614 2776
Dear filmmaker,
We sincerely apologize for these delayed notices, and thank you for submitting your work to the 11th Annual NY Underground Film Festival.
Unfortunately, the NY Underground Film Festival will not be able to accommodate a screening for you in 2004. Our Festival Selection Committee viewed close to 1400 film and video entries, decisions were extremely difficult, and many examples of excellent work did not make the final cut.
Thank you for considering the NY Underground Film Festival, and we sincerely look forward to seeing work from you in the future.
Sincerely,
Kendra Gaeta
Festival Director
Ed Halter
Executive Producer
Sunday, February 15, 2004
" V.D. "
---
and so another one passes, uneventful. i had planned maybe to attend a live reading by a cuppa tea-friend, but sadly it didn't happen. rather, i woke up early and went to looking glass to print for 4 orso hours. it's so immensely theraputic to create and produce, that i nearly forgot the hallmarknessy tinge to the day's tone. alas, as i exited the darkroom and into the light, all i could find on my visual radar was roses, couples fondling each other, kisses, candy ads, bouquets, pink, red and any other representation of love, passion, blood, and sensuality.
but meh. i'm over it as soon at it started and evolved thusly.
i ended the day by visiting my uncles' restaurant to eat brelundinner and then to celedon to sip tea for 3 hours while sketching quietly. and now home at last, it was a beautiful day in spite of the socially encouraged status quo.
i hope you got some some.
---
and so another one passes, uneventful. i had planned maybe to attend a live reading by a cuppa tea-friend, but sadly it didn't happen. rather, i woke up early and went to looking glass to print for 4 orso hours. it's so immensely theraputic to create and produce, that i nearly forgot the hallmarknessy tinge to the day's tone. alas, as i exited the darkroom and into the light, all i could find on my visual radar was roses, couples fondling each other, kisses, candy ads, bouquets, pink, red and any other representation of love, passion, blood, and sensuality.
but meh. i'm over it as soon at it started and evolved thusly.
i ended the day by visiting my uncles' restaurant to eat brelundinner and then to celedon to sip tea for 3 hours while sketching quietly. and now home at last, it was a beautiful day in spite of the socially encouraged status quo.
i hope you got some some.
---
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
" what've you got to give? "
---
what am i doing??!?
in terms of artist, i believe i have a plethora of talents. with such a confidence on such elusively concrete terms, i have to be sure to give them my all, my everything. i have no choice, says most artits; true artists have no choice but to creat. call it a drive, call it a lust, call it embodiment of a spirit, it exists, and i am taken by it.
art and exression feuls my every day, and haunts me in my sleep. it softens lifes' blows, eases physical ails, and provides me with those silent multiples of voices and observences that never get audibly shared.
i am a filmmaker, poet, photographer, painter, writer, and more.
i want to do more, see more, experience more. i want to feed on the worlds foods, engorge my whims with ideologies and stories, ride languages like a stream of consiousness, and be able to also inhabit the subtle, the quiet moments, and the tame
it's a tough gig, this life, but every day it seems that i have no choice nut to exist honestly within it, so that's what i am going to do.
---
what am i doing??!?
in terms of artist, i believe i have a plethora of talents. with such a confidence on such elusively concrete terms, i have to be sure to give them my all, my everything. i have no choice, says most artits; true artists have no choice but to creat. call it a drive, call it a lust, call it embodiment of a spirit, it exists, and i am taken by it.
art and exression feuls my every day, and haunts me in my sleep. it softens lifes' blows, eases physical ails, and provides me with those silent multiples of voices and observences that never get audibly shared.
i am a filmmaker, poet, photographer, painter, writer, and more.
i want to do more, see more, experience more. i want to feed on the worlds foods, engorge my whims with ideologies and stories, ride languages like a stream of consiousness, and be able to also inhabit the subtle, the quiet moments, and the tame
it's a tough gig, this life, but every day it seems that i have no choice nut to exist honestly within it, so that's what i am going to do.
---
Monday, February 09, 2004
" america's test kitchen "
---
so every day goes like this:
- dream a crazy dream
- wake up around noon to 1 p.m.
- eat tins of soup or something equally bad for you
- surf the net for nothing
- think about my validity as an artist
- watch a dvd
- wait until night falls
- go to work at 6 p.m.
- go home at 10 p.m.
- surf the net/eat/watch crap t.v. till 2/3 a.m.
- go to sleep
- have weird dreams
- repeat with a slight variation
blaugh!
---
so every day goes like this:
- dream a crazy dream
- wake up around noon to 1 p.m.
- eat tins of soup or something equally bad for you
- surf the net for nothing
- think about my validity as an artist
- watch a dvd
- wait until night falls
- go to work at 6 p.m.
- go home at 10 p.m.
- surf the net/eat/watch crap t.v. till 2/3 a.m.
- go to sleep
- have weird dreams
- repeat with a slight variation
blaugh!
---
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
" whooogie boogity "
---
i purchased a new planner today, and suddenly everythig seems to be falling into place; i'm clearing the clutter that is my room, the clouds are dispersing, and it really feels like the "true" start of this new year.
i almost don't remember that i don't want to be 24 years old at all.
hopefully, this newly-turned leaf can give new vigor to the plant that is my life.
oh yeah, two more things:
1) go to your local comic bookery and pick up Adrian Tomine's Ootic Nerve #9...now.
and
2) i didn't watch or see it, but did janet jacksons breast really flash on teevee in a sundial formation? that is messed the f-up. and funny.
---
i purchased a new planner today, and suddenly everythig seems to be falling into place; i'm clearing the clutter that is my room, the clouds are dispersing, and it really feels like the "true" start of this new year.
i almost don't remember that i don't want to be 24 years old at all.
hopefully, this newly-turned leaf can give new vigor to the plant that is my life.
oh yeah, two more things:
1) go to your local comic bookery and pick up Adrian Tomine's Ootic Nerve #9...now.
and
2) i didn't watch or see it, but did janet jacksons breast really flash on teevee in a sundial formation? that is messed the f-up. and funny.
---
Monday, February 02, 2004
" do, do do, do do... "
---
oh what oh what
am i going to do?
now that the pages of
my day planner are through.
there's no more december,
october or may
how will i ever
plan out my days?
---
oh what oh what
am i going to do?
now that the pages of
my day planner are through.
there's no more december,
october or may
how will i ever
plan out my days?
---
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)