Wednesday, August 30, 2006

" the importance of halitosis "

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camping is a great way to see how you would do in the real world. not the real world like we don't already exist in a certain veiled sort of reality. but the one i'm talking about is the fabrication that we sort of cumudgeonly fabricate around ourselves in our perceived day-to-day everythings.

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camping then becomes to us, the 80% citified dwellers/20% other, a way to experience what would happen if all of our daily conveniences were suddenly removed.

the need to build a fire, food and how to prepare it, how to take a shit in the woods.

these are interesting and important things.

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this past weekend, i went camping with a few friends of mine, upstate to the taconic national park area. granted, we were not nearly in the wilds of the forest or in a cut-throat do-or-die situation, but it was raining and who wants to get wetter than need be? not i.

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we camped, we tented, we cooked food and slapped sandwiches together, we hiked, brent swam in a waterfall, we made snide comments about the other campers with their stupid ass-musical choices and their dry tarp-covered frat/sorority-based boozery outbursts, we photographed, we stood near the canopy of a tree while eating breakfast in the cold morning with out makeshift dry-warm clothing wrapped tight, we slept in close quarters, we cleaned up, we stopped for snackies and silently battled with the crazy-bored teenage staff at the grand station grocery store, and we drove on home.

it was nice.

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p.s.- upstate ny is kind of scary, a little eerie, sort of country, a tad boondocksilated, and completely and captivatingly charming.

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tonight's homework:

get the F out of the city if you can. go! go now to the woods, to the jungle, to the badlands. go out there into the farther reaches of the farmlands and beyond the grid of the cities. it's time. free yourself and enjoy taking back the simpler pleasures in life. when you get out there, don't forget the T.P.

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Friday, August 25, 2006

" the promise of something beautiful "

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weederman23: i'm about to go on a campping trip and i think you're embarking soon if not today
weederman23: i wish you the best and am sending all of my extra good luck for you to wrap yourself around in
weederman23: be safe, drink fresh water, eat locally, observe and reflect
weederman23: be you in every situation and in every day
Daffie26: ohawww...
Daffie26: I am embarking soon
Daffie26: thanks Bay
weederman23: keep these things in mind, and when you return, we can discuss the time we've lost in between with greater reflection
Daffie26: have a wonderful trip yourself!
weederman23: i'll miss you
weederman23: thanks
weederman23: [address inserted here]
weederman23: just in case you have time for a stray postcard
weederman23: bye bye beautiful traveler lady
Daffie26: good bye handsome traveller man

---

Friday, August 18, 2006

" a letter after almost two months "

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this certainly is an adventure. yessiry,

no job yet. but at this early point in me being here, it's okay. not too cut-throat yet. i need a job so that i can afford to go more(digital) commercial so that i can get more filler freelance jobs, but i'm sure i'll never fully replace my love of film. it's too lovely for me to pixelate my brain.

i miss home, and the smell of the ocean. but only the memory of it.

new york is becoming more familiar. things are slowly evolving out of obscurity and there, inside my head there is now an internal image-map forming in the place of the cloudy haze that was once so dominant.

it takes time to be sure. it takes time.

the subway's meandering path with its screeching and moaning throughout the cavernous underground passageways are almost to the point where they are comforting, if not still very maddening when you're lost or late.

i'm taking pictures, yet at the same time i'm conscious of the fact that i don't have a current steady income. what is to become of my crafts when the means start to slip away. am i still the creative person i think i am without the means with which to create?

this being said, i must find some work other than the freelance jobs that blow in from random sources once in a while. how many times will something like that come up?

just the other day, i got offered $xxx.00 to design a simple postcard for a non-profit org. how odd and do-able i though to myself. and of course i'm looking for a job i guess, but what will it be? how can i ask for someone to hire me for a specific task when i'm still so broadly interested in everything?

why is always just a little more difficult that you think it's going to be?

but i'm loving it. in this time, the transition time, i'm getting to know some people, and see great ordinary things. this is definitely the place for people-watching and silent contemplations in public.

i think i'll stick it out.

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Monday, August 14, 2006

" lavanderia supremica "

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ah summer. the thing about the summer heat in my first living-in-brooklyn summer, is that i now have to do laundry quite frequently. the cost alone of some of even the most jankiest of laundromats can be considerable, depending on the size/cost per load of the laundromat's machines.

and how many machines is important too; not only are you spending your time washing, then drying, then folding, but also time waiting for available machines. there is a method in the madness of the design.

luckily, the laundromat near my home is actually within walking distance, thus accommodating the sometimes necessary practice of waiting altogether too long until it's time to do a load (or four) of laundry.

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sure, the desire for freshly washed/dried clothing sometimes outweighs the desire to rid your hamper of curious smells, but isn't it also a matter of levels of laziness? in my case, perhaps but it's not an absolute.

the most obvious and simultaneously hilarious thing about having to do laundry is when to actually do it. do you have a schedule? is there time to do laundry?

or are you of the group of people who try to be that cool dude or lady that does their laundry at all odd hours of the day and is too cool for laundry, so that when you actually do laundry, it's like you're kicking laundry's ass?

i find those people more lost in the fray than others, as they find themselves surrounded by the masses of normals who are there doing their thing, unintimidated by the flurry of automated machines, telenovellas on the oddly-placed widescreen plasma television monitor, occasional video arcade game, and of course, the laundromat-staple: the 50-cent things-in-a-plastic-bobble-bubble vending machine.

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can't survive without 20-year old gum or razzies or l'il homies or spongebob sqaurepants trinkets now can we?.

my advice for summer laundry, or any laundry for that matter. do it, and do it when you feel it's the right time. if you haven't the pleasure of living in a place that offers free laundry machine usage, then get thee to the lavanderia near you.

you can find me sitting in those ugly chairs that are all stuck together. i'll be the asian looking one doing the crossword puzzle.

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

" art: brain fart "

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BTMBRKT: ugh work
BTMBRKT: yay money
weederman23: i know
BTMBRKT: but ughhh the work
weederman23: so sad
weederman23: http://www.nikonusa.com/template.php?cat=1&grp=2&productNr=25412#
weederman23: and that just came out
weederman23: mocking my hate for digital by making me want it
weederman23: boo
weederman23: and the tagline?
weederman23: it's so...translated from japanese into english
BTMBRKT: man this is the cheapest website
weederman23: flash!
weederman23: zoom!!
weederman23: swishay!!!
BTMBRKT: get job. buy camera
weederman23: that seems to be the consumeristic/artistic drive
weederman23: to be an artist you have to be a consumer
BTMBRKT: or go downtown buy a cheap knockoff Nikron camera
weederman23: or like a new Minorta
weederman23: the message is so backwards
BTMBRKT: exactly, you have to be a consumer, in order to produce art against consumerism
weederman23: yes
weederman23: "but i went to art school"
weederman23: "i need this specific all-too-expensive type of material"
weederman23: "i want to affect change"
weederman23: lies!!!
weederman23: or at least it seems that way when you're poor
BTMBRKT: but suffering creates great art
weederman23: mediocre art creates great suffering
weederman23: it's all about balance
BTMBRKT: exactly

---

Saturday, August 05, 2006

" passion comes at a cost "

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sometimes it's about not getting to do a cool job; the one that was the answer at the right time/right place. and what does that really mean?

was that a "life lesson?"

sometimes it's not about the way things are, and how you feel your life is devastating in small increments over a prolonged period of time.

coming up with active moments over ones of voluntary laziness tends to give you freedom, so you will have to go for it, right?

in the end of it though, this mulling over spilled milk, it adds up in a very frustrating way.

tonight's homework:

get out on the dance floor, and shake it like you ain't got no tomorrow.

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Monday, July 31, 2006

" i don't razz on celebs, i razz about them "

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BTMBRKT: yoyoyoyoyoyoooooooooo
BTMBRKT: did you get the memo?
weederman23: memo?
BTMBRKT: yeah that mel gibson is crazy
BTMBRKT: hahaha
weederman23: he is so scary crazy
weederman23: and that beard?
weederman23: jeebus
BTMBRKT: hahaha
weederman23: i wanted to give him some fairy dust so he would go to sleep
weederman23: it was scarier than his story almost
weederman23: i mean, seriously, the beard had to be like a separate story altogether
BTMBRKT: maybe this is just a grand apocalypto publicty thing
weederman23: hmm, like the anti-semitism was a hidden code to support another film about dead languages, dead people, and the conflict between historical knowledges?
BTMBRKT: i think we're on to something....
weederman23: or was he thinking..."hey, even drunk publicity is still free publicity"
BTMBRKT: haha, oh mel. that crazy guy
weederman23: so crazy
weederman23: dang dude, it's hot out, and i gotta go do stuff
weederman23: i'll catch you on the flip flop
BTMBRKT: later yo
weederman23: peas

---

Monday, July 24, 2006

" three things turned four "

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the merry ole land of manhattan once again proves that within its borders lie a completely normal and astounding moment:

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- while walking out from the L train up to the street at Union Square, a man was walking towards me. he had on a dirty beige and 50's green weave tweed suit; the lapels worn through with repeated adjustment over the years of use.

- as we became closer together, in my head i thought to myself that i would collide with his left arm if i didn't move soon. i shifted to my right, but there was a woman that i neglected to see due to poor and of-the-moment bilndspot vision.

- the meeting of his arm and my body was immanent.

- but then the most curious thing happened. i braced for the soft impact and all i felt was a shiver and the gentle swipe of suit material across my side-front.

- the man had no left arm. his ghostly appendage passed through me with the natural motion of beforehand knowledge, and i was instantly shocked at the lack of his corporeal being.

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

" oh takeru kobayashi, you're my favorite "

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why does it always come down to USA vs. the other? like an international shlongfest, and we know that we're losing, but we still try anyway?

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can't we all just let the US lose once in a while? it's okay. really. there's beer and chips in the tent. all for you.

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i think so.

takeru kobayashi is my hero for today.

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Sunday, July 16, 2006

" the view from orbit "

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i visited dylan's work the other day and took a few mobile phone pics, then married them in CS2.

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sometimes the attained knowledge of nerdiness does pay off, especially when you run into two celebs in the same day.

yay for another version of the city.

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Saturday, July 15, 2006

" two things "

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firstly, i worked my first paying job moving stuff!!!

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then later the next day, yesterday at dusk, i saw these clowns and made this upon returning home, filled with a sense of "buhh??"

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Monday, July 10, 2006

" fun with hair "

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so at 2am this morning, i decided that it was finally time to cut my hair again. it's hot here in the nyc, the hair was tickling the back of my upper back, and it was just getting silly.

buuuut, one thing that i have to say; don't cut your hair on your own in the very early morning, when you're about to fall asleep. it just leads to ill-planned nuisances.

although this is just the first stage in what might become an evolving three-part haircut, i'm still riding the fine emotional line between sheer bliss and mild social awkwardness.

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Sunday, July 09, 2006

" end game "

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will it be gelato or croissants?

and the answer is.....

gelato!

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yummy.

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1:1 tie into penalty shoot out

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5:3 italy at fulltime

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now i'm never going to get to sleep tonight.

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---

" shoot out "

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okayl, now the crowd is scaring me.

2:1

italy ahead

france just missed a penalty shot

now 3:1

italy...

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" of gauls and romans "

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peering just outside my apartment window, i can see that the italian contingent in this part of w'burg has just scored a goal. the resonance of audible cries and minivan horns echo throughout the neighborhood and into the bedroom. they've blocked off the intersection and taken over the street for the revelry.

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the volume of a television set is blaring though a PA system and i too feel the "hoorah" in my heart for the world cup. goal number one is confirmed for the italian team.

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yet in spite of all my peripheral excitement, i instead move through this now constant soundscape, and sit down in my kitchen-space and enjoy the small pleasures of a toffuti cutie; to pass the time between now and then in sweet deliciousness.

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in the near distance, intense blissful chants and the sounds of bloodthirst inform me that goal number two has yet to be achieved. the taste of victory-at-hand for me comes through in a chocolate form, and lingers long after the crown has died down.

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Thursday, July 06, 2006

" 3am on the F to the G to the L "

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the world got quieter as the machines slowed to a stop.

lullabys and the faint hush of summer's breeze wisped away the long hours.

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eventually we gathered in the compartments and hoped.

to dream a dream of returning home; to live, to breathe, to exist.

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

"free wi-fi for all"

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after being in new york for about a week, i find that it's necessary to make a list:

1. use a "the map" because it's fine if you don't know where you are.

2. eat good food, because everything tastes good if you're hungry enough.

3. overheard conversations on the subway are some of the best in the universe.

4. nothing is surprising in new york. well almost.

5. hipsters in new york are all very stylized, yet not necessarily stylish.

6. teenagers are hardcore. and so are their siblings.

7. ikea in jersey is scary huge and their hot dog deal can't be beat.

8. i'm due for some big break soon. i'm vying for w/in the next month.

other than that, it's been great. i got caught in a bangkokian-like rain storm, saw a great free brazilian girls concert at the hudson river, found delicious home-style comfort food spots, and went on a voyage of beer.

this is going to be something.

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Monday, June 26, 2006

" hella out "

---

5 hours away from the red-eye. still packing.

my muscles ache in that way that the body reminds you that even though it's summertime BBQ badmiton, you still need to stretch before and afterwards.

i ate gordos for the last time today; a chicken quesadilla. i think either i'm nervous about not being done packing, or i have food poisoning. either way it's too late.

and where is y driver's license? did i drink that much last night? damn darts...

i'm going to miss the bay area. the people. the weather. the way the ocean and the forest are accessible for potential day-trips.

yes, the red-eye out. thanks to the advent of digital television transmissions, i'll most likely not sleep and eat food that is bad for you and arrive frazzled, weakened, and otherwise disrupted.

or not.

it's on to brooklyn, nyc. this is the next step.

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

" sweet summer "

---

it's all about the barbeque. all of the miscellaneous meat and vegan treats and how they don't touch or interact, but they are allowed to be on the same table.

it's all about the friends you bump into; those forgotten faces from deep memory, resurfacing and all at one fleshed out and interactive.

it's about friends who have kids now and they are tiny humans running around talking and playing and forming sentences and reflecting all of the things in the world that they know to be current in their notion of reality.

it's about dirt-field softball games with the super bay area ghetto family in the pit next to you. it's about the family of man. it's about frisbee in the california sun underneath a cloudless sky; the dogs running loose and the sound of kids laughing.

it's all about meeting people that you haven't seen for years, and how they remembered you and how they are glad to see you. it's about how we used to be neighbors and now we're exchanging emails with the intent to keep in touch and meaning it.

it's how it's all real and all here and all overwhelming and normal all at the same time. it's all about the feeling of the real beginning of summer, and how everything from that point on is going to be full and rewarding.

so yay summer.

yay.

---

Thursday, June 15, 2006

" FYI "

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for those few limited people who actually care about my whereabouts, i'll now be leaving the bay area on the 26th, and i suppose arriving in the brooklyn area on the 27th (flight-time and taxi-riding time pending).

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so if you're saving up your hang-out time for a special day, hit me up. and if you're waiting for my in nyc...i'll be there soon-ish-like.

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

" at odd angles "

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ah california, will your coastal wonders and inland experiences never cease to amaze?

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and one for the bay:

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---

Monday, June 05, 2006

" cross-country nerdery "

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so brent calls me up when i'm eating some lunchy snack thing i whipped up in my spare time, and he says the usual intros and salutations.

then he asks me if i'm online. sadly enough i am.

he wants me to sign in as him on ebay to bid in his name on a surfboard that he's described as the perfect ride. that's weird and what a strange request, but then again maybe not?

there's something about the things that we, in this specific point in american technomodernism, decree as "normal." our mobile-phone-call-ebay-bidding-while-driving-west-to-east (deep breath here) me-in-my-house-him-at-the-DQ-in-god-knows-where conversation/transaction was almost too much to be true, and then again completely normal at the same time.

so kudos brent. congratulations on your new surfboard.

oh yeah, i forgot to tell you that i also got you a wholesale crate of ukrainian midget donkey porn. so um, should i have sent that to your new apartment, or do you think that your mom can forward your mail from her place?

call me soon. muah ahah ahaha ahah ahah.

zing.

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Friday, June 02, 2006

" the whitehorse debacle "

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so there's a good friend of mine who is going to have her 25th birthday get-together planned at a place called The Whitehorse Inn.

free couch-sitting, free hotdogs, free los angeles atmosphere?

who says that socali doesn't rival norcal? i guess me, as i state that all the time. but maybe this time, the la-la version of the whitehorse can be loads better than the berkeley/oakland version of the whitehorse.

and this one has real hotdogs unlike the bay area one, which has old men that want to touch you inappropriately while drinking and smiling at a tilt.

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Monday, May 29, 2006

" socali is so cali, dude "

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southern california needs to stop speeding on the freeways. it's ridiculous.

when you're coming up on a super-traffic jam that spans an entire county and then when you encounter the problem, which turns out to be four cars in a massive accident including women and children and overturned SUV's and too-big-for-humans-to-be-considering-a-normal-sized-vehicle

(deep breath here)

but-bought-and-driving-it-anyways-depite-the-price-of-gas truck, then there's gotta to be something said.

whether it's pretty purple pollution sunsets in LA or another accident just 500 meters down the way on the opposite side of the 5, you all need to drink some chamomile tea and just sit on the sidewalk to reflect on what's really your destination.

big up to kasia for the aquarium day in monterey, big up to seeing jenny a. in some random cafe restaurant in silver lake LA, and big up to san diego for one of the most loveliest sunsets recorded in my mind since returning back to america.

let's hope that the animals at the san diego zoo tomorrow are just as luminous and magnetic.

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

" yaymerican: reverse culture shock "

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it's all about going to the city, four days after returning. the BART train slowly filling up like a metal grinder; humans the size of wealth and access squeezing into public transportation with their digital-age woes.

it's all about "regular-sized nachos" at la corneta's in the mission, and how it didn't fit into my stomach. regular should mean enough, but for some reason as i return to the states, regular means a portion created out of the need for the most for your buck. this ultimately means consumption of the amount of food that one would not need to be sated, but the amount of food that one feels they deserve because they have money befitting such a gimungously-sized meal.

it's all about excess and skimming off of the surface of things. there is a veil over my eyes as i re-integrate. there are mirrors all around me and no one else sees their reflections.

it's all about all of the noises of american cities rivals even the loudest southeast asian ones. i oddly enough found myself offended the other day by sounds of the english language permeating all the spaces around me.

it's all about these constant new noises which detail just how long i've been away, and the sound of laughing. there are teenagers rollicking in the street, heavy with their newly acquired parentally-guilt-tripped and undeserved gadgetry who move to impress their own above all others.

it's all about trying to always be aware and to find these things that make up what you stand for and who you are, what you like, what you are like, and how you will reflect those parts of you that feel the need to communicate the most out into the open spaces beyond your shell.

---

it's all about late nights out with old friends. you share memories in wooden rooms. the memories of days past intermingle with a deep interest in "what's going on now with you," and how seemingly more wonderful that is and those are after two beers.

it's in the small things about them. the romanticized versions of your friends that blossom into sketches of people that you love. people that meant something to you at a time, and still remind you that no matter how long you've been away, there are still people that can help reaffirm that it's okay to move forward yourself.

it's all about the commitment to the moment.

---

Thursday, May 18, 2006

" adjusting "

---

it's going to take a little while. i can see that now.

the cold that wasn't so cold then, is at such a subtle level, that i find it nearly unbearable.

claratin is over-the-counter. the comicbook store was missing...although later i found out it was to my immediate right.

burt's bees lip balm comes now with honey, which is a nice touch. whole foods still makes big ass sandwiches...although now i'm going to have to factor in spending near $6.50 on a sandwich.

the parkway speakeasy still has great atmosphere, although i had to remember that now that i'm home, i can place my feet on the chairs at leisure.

my new nyc sim card is almost here. i think.

everything is slowly coming into focus, and it's time for some newfound clarity.

welcome home indeed.

---

Monday, May 15, 2006

" first things first "

---

see the neighbors, check!

jackets, check!

eat some proper baked goods, check!

photograph nearest person that i said that i would when i was in thailand, check!

grub on a gordo's carnitas burrito, super check!!


get a new cell phone #/plan thingie, uhhhh...

why are all the dudes in these cell phone service provider places dressed thusly? there's something about the pseudo-professional short haircutted, meticulously trimmed or shaven facial hair designs, the usage of slightly-knowledgeable-yet-slightly-condescending language and tones when speaking with (potential) customers.

all i need to do is get the plan that i need, not the suggested one that should be the one that i need. there is no service plan that is necessarily "sexy" or "hot" in the way that could be used when spitting game. and i don't even play the game.

how would it look like if you were chopping it up with some person and they asked you with that i'm-letting-you-know-that-i'm-interested tone, "what cellular mobile service provider do you use, and also what is your plan; one year or two?" i mean it sounds silly, so no sir or ma'am, no. no thank you. i do not require that plan you are trying to sell to me.

and also, everyone knows that no one group of friends all use the same provider, so where then is the incentive to list unlimited nationwide mobile to mobile service as a feature of any plan? it means you're trying to glorify the one feature that is almost trivial.

how many of your friends actually will use the same service provider, or use a mobile phone at all? that feature listed is like those signs at theme restaurants that state, "smiles are for free!" don't you just feel like punching the manager in the neck?


(insert blank stare here)


trying to adjust to americana and sociocultural isms after one day of being back in the states and still slightly jet-lagged, getting there.

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" america is sniffly "

---

so cold in the bay area. coming out of a temperate zone and into a refridgerator. or something subtle and extreme at the same time.

and culture shock! reverse culture shock. boo america for being so overwhelming at times.

i went out this morning to get some baguettes and baked goods and my spot wasn't open. in fact it was so not open, it didn't open until 8am. what the deal is that?

if you were a good bakery that did on-site baking for the masses of people who wanted well-baked baked goods, wouldn't you get up at 2-4am and open up at 6? i think so. and in that vein, i was disappointed to the point where i had to go somewhere else.

so over a pretty decent apple danish of some sort, i'm sniffling my way back into this time zone. gotta get a phone today, which is sad because of the convenience of it. sigh.

we'll see how this pseudo-head cold develops. here's to new adventures abound.

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Sunday, May 14, 2006

" home home "

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after a fury of packing and stressing and being agitated beyond necessary, i'm leaving thailand for home.

how does one leave home for home?

memories, experiences, dreams, and realities.

coming across these paths again for this time which has past in this way, makes me feel able to continue onwards.

without regret, without anything holding me back.

thanks to all the people who made these things possible.

see you when i get there.

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

" mikey likes it "

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now i'm usually not one for internet advertising, but this one was just funny enough to catch my eye.

good job evil corporate america. you done one okay.

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

" four more days "

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four more days, and many yet to go.

these are the last days for me, here, for now.

how long has it really been? what did i do here? what did i accomplish?

what will i do there, then?

and all the notions of shifts and change come over me all at once.

good-bye thailand. good-bye family. good-bye songkhla, the south, and all of the history there. good-bye second homeland. good-bye origins and veiled answers. good-bye immersion. good-bye humidity in that way that never is replaced. good-bye food and fruits. good-bye large blue skies; larger than anywhere else. good-bye everyone and everything.

---

in each and every moment from the one previous, you have to decide whether you're going to get going or stay put. and if the moment before can be described as a little over two years, then it is the time for me to get going.

it's time to pick up the pace. time to speak, with action these compiled thoughts of artistry and reflection; to be these planned changes.

it's another step forward, and many to go.

wish me luck i my days to come.

tonight's homework:

write a letter to your friend. whichever one of your choosing. or it could even be a postcard. write to them how you feel about them. how you really feel.

if you were to never see them again. if you knew that they would never hear from you again, save this last communicated piece of writing. what would you say? do this, and be honest, and i promise you'll be closer to each other than you will ever imagine.

it is in these the small movements that we make the most deft impact.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

" why even ask? "

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1) why is thai pop music so immensely crappy?

2) why do i invariably find myself drawn into the crappy music videos about puppy dog love, rejection, school unrequited romances, and other less interesting fodder?

3) why do i want to purchase and catalog this crappy music for future generations of thai kids, so that they can remember how crappy their pop music was, so that they never ever recreate these crappy songs ever again?

in one sense then, i've come to the conclusion that i'm happy to be returning home soon.

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

" the weight of whispers "

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if we are of the earth, meaning of the elements, the makeup of our beings being comprised of metals and liquids, atoms and complex structure, positive ionic relationships and cellular packets, then couldn't we say that our words are also comprised of these things?

thus, the word becomes an invisibly audible representation of all of our biological ingredients.

...

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Monday, April 17, 2006

" thoughts on the act of coming home "

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---

the clouds lay low

over the frame of the city.


the delayed sounds of an airplane engine approaches

my open window

as the crafts' body recedes into the far distance;


a premeditated mechanized blip of light,

the only sign of its presence among

the vastness of the atmosphere.

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

" maintenance est tres difficile "

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it's been very difficult to maintain this blog thing in the past couple of months. it's true.

i apologize to myself first, because this used to be a great place to get all of the things off of my chest, out of my head, and flush all the contaminants out from my body.

so i am going to try and get to it.

---

for the past month i have been traveling through cambodia and vietnam. i've just returned to bangkok thailand and tomorrow is the official thai new year's, better known as Songkran, or the water festival. i'll try to stay dry and just mentally cleanse myself of the past year.

details to come perhaps if i don't remain lazy.

i'm coming home again (to the bay area) for the second time in two years. i'm going to stay a month this time then move to new york, cause that is what you are supposed to do; move, experience, grow, move back, move on.

i'm wishing myself luck, although with the support so far, i doubt i'll need much more than a viable financial income. i'll keep you posted my faceless cyberpals.

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in other news:

"two years later..."

Host:
c. bay milin

Location:
albatross pub
1822 san pablo avenue
berkeley, CA View Map

When:
Friday, May 19, 9:30pm

Phone:
don't call them, email me

---

the funny thing about people who come home after a long time away, is that they for some reason expect everyone that they know to come greet them upon arrival. sadly the world is busy with jobs, obligations, meeting of importance, kids, prior engagements, and laziness.

with that, i am returning home...again...to the bay area. i want to invite all of you to come help reinsert me into american culture by buying me beer, shaking my hand, or playing darts or giving me free stuff (detailed below).

it's not unruly of me to ask for your attendance or for free shit is it? it's america! and from what i've heard about america in the past two years...it's doing something. and it'll be friday.

what better way to bring in the weekend than with a drunken night with your friendly neighborhood bay?

and you have a month to pencil me in as well, so no excuses.

so with that, come welcome me home, before i go off to nyc in june, cause that's where i'm going. i'm too lazy to write something sassy here, so i'm copy/pasting excerpts from the last time i came home's thingie thing:

i'm coming home from bangkok thailand and i'm broke too! you don't need to call or write a letter to congress, don't need to fret if you live too far or really really can't make it for personal reasons, and you don't need to wear a fancy shmancy nothin doin.

bring yourself, friends, lovers, cheap dates, kid sisters, cousins, friends-from-out-of-town, international exchange students, people i forgot, and even your dog if you want cause they letcha you know.

just come out and i'll spot yas for the 25 cent bowl of popcorn and a tipsy game of darts (no refund if i dart you in the leg). if you buy bay a guinness, you may sit back and enjoy his arms turn red with drunkedness!!

if you feel like getting me a "hello/goodbye again" present or supporting creativity and art for art's sake, i will ask you only for a photo or copy of photo of you as a kid at any age, old (comic) books or packaging/paper materials with graphic things on it that could be turned into 1" buttons, old/new x-rays from your injuries, accidents, or scans, one (or more) b/w photobooth strip(s) of you alone or with people or props (i suggest the booths at musee mechanique), and/or rolls of black and white film. if not don't worry; i wish for 4 hours of your time to make up for the 2 we've lost.

hit me up for more info. baystar23@gmail.com

ps- also, if you make it before i get sauced, can you guys give me your current contact information so i don't have to keep not contacting you all?

directions to beer, board games, dog-friendly atmosphere, pool tables, and people that know bay:

http://www.albatrosspub.com/

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

" invisible story "

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march 2nd - invisible waves, thailand, 9:20pm **

i wrote in a post the other day about the having access and the privilege of attending the opening film at the bangkok international film festival, and now i have something else to say.

i remember the "red carpet" (which was really more like red felt) m.c.'s asking asano tadanobu about how he felt about being in such a prestigious production such as "invisible waves." he looked so confused, not because of his thoughts about the question, but perhaps about the fact that people had an opinion on a film (which was premiering that night) that they had not even seen, let alone knew enough about to have a solid reaction to.

[observational sidenote: these opening ceremony m.c.'s represented perfect examples of thailand's definition of having gone "inter." going inter is most commonly defined by having the qualities character which demonstrate an international knowledge of both cultural isms (usually meaning speaking english better than school-learned "tinglish") and also being of a more internationally flavored style, meaning dressing horribly over-the-top in a fashion-based caricature of what is believed to be "western style" (ie-fashion whore/executive/model style, hip-hop/bandanna street-cred/b-boy style, super metrosexual or wussy-clothed with sunglasses at night). the ironic aspect of all this is that it's wholly possible now to "go inter" without ever leaving thailand. and this is just silly.]

this brings up the other side of filmmaking which is post-production, marketing, and hype. if you can get the word out on a film, its contents, its immense cinematic weight, and the pre-importance of its existence well before it's even screened, then you know that half of the job is done. tickets will be sold initially upon word of mouth and expectation.

this being the case, alongside the last beautiful film made by pen-ek ratanareung, i really did expect another heartfelt subtle and beautiful film from him and his fellow makers. i tried to base my eagerness to the fact that i saw his previous films heading towards something greater with each effort, and was looking forward to a movie that not only would have more support from thailand, but from other makers, actors, and production folks as well.

invisible waves felt like an elusive search for the base of the story. it developed so ambiguously forward, that at times, you could see tinges of tsai ming-liang, but they never really flushed out or made itself apparent.

the sense of lingering created expectations that were never fulfilled. to create such a longing also creates desire, both for the sake of the story and its characters, and also for the parallel enjoyment/entertainment of the audience. but this lingering kept finding itself at dead end edits, making me feel more alienated and ultimately less interested.

to create this desire means that the story(teller) and its characters have something to say. something to express. something that doesn't necessarily have to be spoon-fed, but i believe that they have to present themselves or their desires to a point so you can understand why they do the things they do. at the closing credits, i was still unsure why the characters did, said, felt (in the long run rather than for the sake of a scene), and thought.

this brings me to editing. you have to be able to tell the difference at times, between bad acting and bad editing. the first point, bad acting, could be attributed to the in this case overuse of predominantly non-asian speakers speaking in english.

okay, so it's really just two of the main characters, but the observation still stands; speaking in english sometimes may add a certain international flare for conveying a world where many languages can be spoken and understood, but i can also be used as a critical weapon against believability. and i found myself feeling that the acting (in english) for the main two characters to be used in an appropriate for the story and location's sakes, but still odd and wooden all the same.

the other example of recent memory that i can think of that uses asian actors is a similarly confusing manner is of course "memoirs of a geisha." and believe me, you'll say that they're not even the same sort of movie, and i can say that if you want, i can draw many parallels in terms of representation and utilization. try me.

on the point of editing, i think that you should strive to cut to the story's framework or you can cut to embellish upon a stylistic necessity on the story's behalf. over two-thirds of the edits in this film follow the tone of the feel of the movie, but sadly that tone is monotonous, bleak(both as a "look" and a boring manner), and steady throughout. i found myself at times genuinely interested in where it was all going, but then it would linger on something completely unnecessary, then cut to something else entirely.

pen-ek himself states that the story is of the thriller genre, and that he is trying to turn the genre around in a different manner, but there are no thrills. there is no point at which i felt aligned with even the main character enough to care about whether or not he finds out the things that he find out. there is no height to the film; there is no heft.

there are no key attributes except the expectation from elements of the genre, but i'm not saying that all thrillers must follow these expectations. i'm saying rather, that without those elements, what you have is a film that is trying to be more that what its presenting itself to be, and if you don't establish the tone early on, it's hard for the audience to see that you know enough about what you're trying to tweak within the genre, for it to become something forwarding and interesting. think memento for the film noir and what that did for the way a story can be told.

he also states that what is important to this film is atmosphere. repeatedly, "...what is important in this film is atmosphere, atmosphere, atmosphere and atmosphere."

i do agree with him about setting an atmospherical feel, but the sense of atmosphere i saw in this story left me with words like elusive, lost, confusing, ambiguity, the lack of emotional weight, the lack of a sense of solid anchoring, and at the end, a feeling that everything that should eventually have been revealed never reveals itself. and that makes for a frustrating viewing.

sadly, i liked the bits and pieces in the film that showed the side of thailand that i usually am annoyed by in their representation on/in film. the street vendors and their shoddy set-up tables, the shady guesthouse owner, the day-workers building shoddy buildings in flip-flops and perched high on bamboo scaffolding, and (in this film, delightfully accurate) the tout taxi driver that for some reason has all of the answers to the questions you never asked.

as i left the theatre i could only think of how such a great cast of modern thespians could be so miscast for this particular vague storyline. also how such great makers such as pen-ek and his now second-time cinematographer mr. christopher doyle, could produce such a smattering of odd-duck visually under-exposed pseudo day-for-night but overly dim shots. it's almost to the point of being shocking, but never got the steam up enough to be in the same category as shocking. it's more like disappointing.

as a thai person that is also a to-be-filmmaker, i am always eager to see what thailand's best up-and-coming makers have to offer, if not only just to see that it can be done. and i root and support and have such a higher standard for my own people because these are the makers that inspire me. and also i want to believe that it will be done.

so with those thoughts in mind, i can only look forward to either being exposed to certain truths by other people's interpretations of the film, or to the next film which undoubtedly could be the masterpiece i so wanted this one to be.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006

" bkkiff 2006: day nine "

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the minutes in between screenings and other festival poo (fodder):

[coming soon]

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25. february 26th - revolver, uk, 11:00am **

take everything that you love about lock, stock, and two smoking barrels, and everything you love about snatch (saying that you like these movies), and place them in a home-made hand-made paper-making churn.

now sludge that all around and add fibers of confusion and abstract texture. mix it all around with a large churning stick of ambiguous storytelling and fractured editing/internal monologue structure, then take a crap in the churn.

when you're ready to use the paper, long after you have spread the mixture on the rack and laid it out in the sun for a proper amount of drying time, remember to please note how at the beginning, it had so many good things going in its favor.

it could have been a beautiful explorative sheet of pristinely cinematic paper, used even for official and beautifully drafted certificates. and then try to use the paper and realize that all it is good for is second-rate toilet paper that you can roll dead fish in after its been beer-battered and slathered in brown sauce scottish-style because its the only way you can make use of it.

that's how i felt about this fight club/vanilla sky/kill bill/sin city po-mo pseudo pastiche movie that makes use of mozart's requiem mass so oddly that you might want to watch amadeus over and over just to rectify in your brain what your eyes have just witnessed.

now that i've alienated myself from anyone who wanted a normal review, here's my go at explaining myself better.

this is a story that is so loosely handled that not even the presence of andre 3000 could save the scenes he was in. okay, he's more of a presence than an acting talent, but then again, the whole film feels like this; a sort of dabbling from certain actors into surprisingly great bit parts, but those are just the problem.

it's a film of bits that meet at awkward editing choices and really alienate the viewer to the point where you look over to your neighbor and try to see if they too are feeling the disconnect you are.

the tone is a little darker with less of the humor that worked so very well in lock, stock...which makes it seem as if the same level of complexity could be shifted from the heist template and secured in a dramatic psychological mindspace, but no.

i'm glad that someone gave ray liotta some work, but damnit, it was sort of wasted in a really strange way. and i don't know if seeing him naked saved anything for his character. there's a scene where his character is at a point of such vulnerability that he is moves to tears.

it's a very affecting image and he sustains it like a professional. and yet i felt nothing because i wasn't led to care at all about him or his personal plight or anything remotely near an emotion. this is the sort of problem that saturated almost every scene in the latter half of the film.

and also, two characters with psychological problems? why treat them as the same character if you're feeding the fact that they are similar? we're not dumb.

and then to use quotations in the opening titles, then repeat them again and again through dialogue and title-cards and other characters and beat it over and over that it's the the greatest mysteriously multi-faceted quote ever to have the magical properties to reveal and hide the true nature of man's drives through the infinite cosmos...it quickly becomes old hat and frustratingly so.

it's dramatic, but more dramatically confusing to the point where it causes the audience disinterest. and while this could be a point that someone could turn around and say "i just didn't get it," i will further state that if you are to present a mysterious atmosphere where things are not as they seem, i believe that one of the roles of confusing the audience is to lead them consciously astray then lead them back, and powerfully. not make the story so erratically confusing to the point where when you finally come to the "reveal," it is so too late in the story for it to make sense and you are just left annoyed and duped.

ritchie is riding off of snatch i think, and i can see that he is trying out a new hand at storytelling which is refreshing in a filmmaker sort of way. but i think that if someone doesn't help him produce the things in his head, his films will get introverted in the same way that this film gets introverted. you end up feeling cheated and like you got kicked in the kidneys; not beaten down, but struck at just the wrong angle as to induce momentary disgust.

but like i've said before, these are the moments where the low price of the ticket comes in. so what could've been a very interesting film ends up a greater example of how a sure-to-be-great films can crumble right through your fingers and leave you empty-handed.

26. february 26th - mrs. henderson presents, uk, 1:30pm ****

[coming soon]

27. february 26th - the world's fastest indian, new zealand, 4:00pm *****

[coming soon]

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

" bkkiff 2006: day eight "

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asking questions is a subtle art:

all i'm going to say is that if you find yourself in the position to interview someone, don't bee goofy cock.

come prepared, have valid things to ask that are relevant to the interviewee, and above all, if you can sense that your questions are headed nowhere don't keep pushing for an answer that is never going to manifest.

today i had the privilege of attending a Q&A with mr. willem defoe.

he was great, giving out small anecdotes that were honest and personal without being utterly transparent. he has a great level of experience which makes him one of the most ideal persons to discuss what actors call "the process."

it takes an interviewer that is totally out of the loop to not get that he might possibly be pissing off willem defoe. i mean, how could you not pick up on the fact that willem defoe is being at his most respectful and civil while not giving up the ghost for the merry inner-whims of a fanboy sweaty-palmed interviewer?

just do the job well, and let the work speak for itself. be honest and let your instinct be your divining rod. it's that simple. i mean the question man might as well have licked mr. defoe's shoes and prayed to the actor while whipping himself for not being worthy. it was scary to watch.

oh yeah, all of that and the fact that he drank out of willem defoe's water then realized it, then put it back. no doubt trying to steal some of his essence or something gross.

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mini reviews:

23. february 25th - just for kicks, france/usa, 11:30am *****

the only bad thing about this documentary is that they leave you (i think) about an hour too short, and only stay within the sneaker-collector-fetish world of the united states (save a cameo interview with matthieu kassovitz, most likely due to the french connection).

i have a friend named whiz who is a sneaker aficionado. he loves the sneaker. he loves talking about the sneaker universe at great length with a masterful sense of history, aspects of design, a love for the sociocultural impact of them, and all other miniscule information pieces that might cause intrigue and awe.

this documentary is about that sort of interest. it is a documentary that sticks to these sneaker fiends that would go to all ends of the earth to gain more physical pairs of sneakers, and also more information about the secret super limited models of shoe that were/are long out of production.

as i said before, well done and filled with insight and humor; two things that without, would have been more of a strange history channel piece about the "urban fashion world" and its effects on consumer america.

instead, we are treated to a taste of the world of the sneaker and the folks who make it a part of their daily life. interesting and never boring, i only ask that a second part be devoted to the japanese contingent, and we'll have a start on something massive.

*after browsing the official site of the doc, i found out that a longer version of the doc is planned for the dvd version of it, so maybe someone will put in their/my two cents and head over to japan, cause it's just not complete without the collector craze over there. word.

24. february 25th - manderlay, denmark/sweden/netherlands/france/germany/uk, 1:30pm *****

manderlay is a sparse very theatrical film by enigmatic dogme-co-founder lars von trier.

i never had the opportunity to see dogville, the first of this planned trilogy (of which manderlay is the second part), but this film stands alone as one of the most theatrically successful films i've seen of the sort in a long time. and by theatrically, i mean films in the vein of theatre, not box officeness, although i'm sure it had its good days there as well.

its a movie that doesn't pull any punches with the acting, which is determined and heavy with a dramatic weight. added to the empty spaces, which our minds fill in like when reading a detailed passage in a novel, is the atmosphere of sound effects which complete an audio third wall to the films lack of physical locations.

it is a psychological experiment to tell a heavy tale which meanders through realms of humanity, enslavery of the body and of the mind, and also tests the audience how far are they willing to share this experience in order to see the story though.

when the credits rolled, i felt like i ran a marathon and was all ready to punch a wall, scream out loud, cry in a fetal position, and smile ear-to-ear all in the same moment. it was immensely satisfying after the first five or so minutes.

to be sure i will have to watch dogville, but i believe that it's not necessary to find yourself thusly engaged so deep in this film. don't let the smatterings of theatre or stylistic choices fool you into thinking that there is no content. in the contrary there is so much more that you will wonder how come this sort of production design is not used more often.

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