" coming home "

---

loki331: aight i'm out

loki331: going to marine world

weederman23: peas dude

loki331: peas out

weederman23: i guess i'll not see you soon this time

weederman23: except in person

loki331: right

loki331: soon enuff

weederman23: so. peas out for a while

loki331: whoooooaaaaa!!!!

weederman23: internetically that is

loki331: like next weeeeeeeeek!!!!!

weederman23: yeah!

loki331: WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

weederman23: i'm a coming dude

loki331: word life

weederman23: keep it viking for me while i hold it down for a-town

weederman23: say hi to the penguins for me; penguins need love too.

loki331: will do

loki331: out

loki331 signed off at 2:33:26.

---

plick plock, tick tock
give a man a job.

ping pang, a scalliwang
the time has come; the bells they rang.

boom slap bump, sly von pump
if fish can fly, then i’ll take the jump.

skiddly dee, and sha-woopity bee
cut myself loose, to set me free

---

" to everyone: a general message from bay "

---

dear (insert your name here),

it's the day before the final day here...at my job. you can detach yourself from a go-nowhere job, but it's important to remember the people.

the past year has been lovely. i have been working and existing in thailand, and it is time for yet another chapter to close. the time is nigh for change again, and i'm sure that if you know me well enough, this means that i am going onto do something drastically boring.

although that might be the case, i just wanted to take this opportunity to tell everyone that i've had a great time being online-only, but i need to disconnect for the next few weeks. i know and understand that this affect maybe three people in terms of communication and 15 in terms of daily interactions, but i'm just not going to have a computer. so yeah...what do you do?

please feel free to email me, as i will most likely be like all the normal freaks and be using budget cyber cafes to check it, but please know that if i don't hit you up right away, it's only because i am unplugging myself from this technological crutch for however long it may last.

i wish you well, and hope you can live w/out bay on the internet/without connection on a daily basis/emailery access for this time. i personally think i will last. but i'm on my way to the bay area for a day, then to the east coast for a week, then back to thailand for another three-month stretch. yeah.

wish me luck. not that i need it much these days, but it smells good. like jasmine or the thought of lilacs and honey.

love from bangkok,

chayanon bay milin

ps- feel free to email me at baystar23@gmail.com or at my OG one, golden_buddha23@hotmail.com

thanks.

peas.

---

everybody needs a hobby.

email proper: golden_buddha23@hotmail.com
email: baystar23@gmail.com
pics: http://photos.yahoo.com/baystar_one
aim: weederman23
msn: golden_buddha23@hotmail.com

---

" there's no snow in my immediate future "

---

it's nice to actually get this buffer of time, the next six months, to just be completely free of worry of a 'job.'

as always i have no problems with the job functions, just the non-moving-forwardness of it all. the feeling that i can always come back to this desk doesn't excite me. and i already miss everyone.

98% of my belongings are out the door already, and my room looks like a hollow cavern of past memory; the shelves threadbare, and the closet empty of even a shiver.

in my head, bright days of events opening wide to future possibilities; the complete and sublime happiness of creating your own pit-stops along the path.

by the numbers:

one more day to go before i leave the office.

five more days until i leave thailand.

eight days until the awards gala in D.C.

nine days until i hit up the NYC.

fifteen days until i return to bangkok.


and the rest is part of a mighty unknown;
the template unmarred by the absence of structure.


tonight's homework:

sing a song for everyone and no one. kiss somebody who deserves it. cook your own food and invite a friend over. hold hands with a complete stranger in a public place. lay down in the wide open floor of a public space, amphitheatre, or museum. resist those who would hold you back from everything you seek. dream and (re)act and love and live and be.

then, be true.

---

" if you know anything about me and dylan, know this, now "

---

dylan says:
that sandy colloara guy is bitching about nothing in terms of the superman costume

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
isn't he like a super fanboy

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
geez

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
like settle the funk down man

dylan says:
he's the guy who did that batman short that got hella buzz

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
don't know about that

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
he got buzz?

dylan says:
but the 's' too small?

dylan says:
ugh

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
boo

dylan says:
on the internet

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
oh

dylan says:
it was a short he made with batman, joker, and an alien (movie alien)

dylan says:
everyone wa saying it was the best batman movie ever

dylan says:
you can probably find it on his website

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
weird

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
is it good?

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
(my connection sucks ass)

dylan says:
i don't know

dylan says:
apparently it looks accurate

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
well kudos to creativity

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i guess he's just into his new gig as an online critic

dylan says:
yeah

---

dylan says:
http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=20046

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
loading so slow

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
hahah

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
ooooooh

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
sith!

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
grrrrr

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
so cool

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i can't read more

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i think i'm going to pee

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
dang dude

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i peed myself

dylan says:
i didn't read it

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
hahaha

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
don't!

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
and you let me read it?

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
are you crazy>??!

dylan says:
well, i read a little

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
hahahah

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
yeaaaah you did

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i can see you

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
ssssinner

dylan says:
it's gonna be tight

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
so tight!!!

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
it comes out here on the19th

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
so going

dylan says:
we'll be in sync

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
in sync -12 hours

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
but in our little boy hearts yesssss

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
muahh ahaha hahah aha

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i might see it twice

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
thrice

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
hahahahhahahaa

dylan says:
it is the 3rd episode

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
word bird

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
like finale

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
sad and awesome!

dylan says:
but then they're all gonna be in 3-d

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
YEAH!!!

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
fuck yeah

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
3d, tv shows, animation, new star tours

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dylan says:
tv shows

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
it's the second, or sixth coming of nerddom

dylan says:
yesss~!

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
what if it was like a rad tv show + like a high concept instead of a stargate type show

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
like the x-files, but all lightsabers and crazy shit like that

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
???

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
can you smell the insanity?

dylan says:
like x-files?

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
like intense and smart and dorky all at once

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
krrrrssshhhhhhh haaaaaaaaaaarrhhhhh, krrrrssshhhhhhhssst hssshhhaaaaarrrr

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
that's vader

dylan says:
lol

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
ooooh, skery

!!! samurai bears !!! says:
i miss you dylan, it's true, i do

dylan says:
same here

---

" nyquil is awesome, it really is "

---

i am fabulous i am says:
okay, so i just had the craziest dream ever

i am fabulous i am says:
chris rock came up to me as a little kid and asked me what stories i knew about baby bears

i am fabulous i am says:
and then i told him about buster the baby bear and his trials of life

Brent Rose says:
uh huh..

i am fabulous i am says: how he was sad and lonely, how he got bullied

i am fabulous i am says:
how he went through life believing in himself and in the power to overcome

i am fabulous i am says:
and eventually how he became popular and made it

i am fabulous i am says:
and then chris rock thanked me and ran away into the bushes while i went back to camp and joined my brother and family camping

Brent Rose says:
and you can do it too!

i am fabulous i am says:
then cut to chris rock in a studio with me sorta as a producer but not as a kid anymore making this story into a hardcore gangsta rap track with all da fresh cuts n' shit

i am fabulous i am says:
i mean the shit is phatty

Brent Rose says:
heheheh

Brent Rose says:
naturally

i am fabulous i am says:
but then after he cuts it together, he remembers how that kid (me?) was so happy when i/he told it, so he decided to make it into a children's musical

i am fabulous i am says:
so he enters the "toned down version of the song/musical into a city-wide contest for inner-city kids

i am fabulous i am says:
and lo-and-behold, he feels so guilty for making it hardcore and taking away the "essence of the children's spirit" that he himself plays the role of buster the baby bear, complete with costume all fuzzy and with the face cut out for his face to smile out from

i am fabulous i am says:
and it's a hit

i am fabulous i am says:
kids are practicing playing the roles in the story; the dad who doesn't believe buster bear, the mean kids, the one kid who wants to be buster's friend

i am fabulous i am says:
it's all there, and a resounding success

i am fabulous i am says:
then the producer of the hardcore version of the original song is mad he didn't get his props, so he blackmails chris rock at the height of his musicals success

Brent Rose says:
this shit is detailed

i am fabulous i am says:
he says that chris rock stole the song from (me) a little boy and didn't create anything, and then no body wanted to participate in anything having to do with buster the baby bear, because the producer secretly released the hardcore track on the radio

i am fabulous i am says:
(yeah right? i am trippin fo reezy)

i am fabulous i am says:
so then what happens is chris rock goes crazy trying to defend himself

i am fabulous i am says:
he first gets mad and yells, but then deep inside he only wanted to help support the spirit of the innocence and potential creativity of children

i am fabulous i am says:
the little kid (somehow no longer me, but wearing blue shorts) goes up to chris rock, and tells him that he likes what he did with the story of buster the baby bear, and that he can have it all to himself if he thinks that he can use it for the benefit of children. and then chris rock starts to cry and he's still wearing the buster the baby bear suit so you can see his face

i am fabulous i am says:
then i wake up all confused and shit, trying to remember the words to the song but can't

i am fabulous i am says:
that's just about all i remember

i am fabulous i am says:
isn't nyquil the greatest?

Brent Rose says:
that was a nyquil dream?

i am fabulous i am says:
i believe so, but i have such vivid dreamery, how can i really be sure?

Brent Rose says:
true that

Brent Rose says:
i've been too tired too sleep

Brent Rose says:
i mean, dream

Brent Rose says:
jeez

Brent Rose says:
so tired

i am fabulous i am says:
i'm sorry buddy. you should take some nyquil. i promise it'll make you feel better

Brent Rose says:
i've still got some codene cough syrup........

i am fabulous i am says:
nooooo

i am fabulous i am says:
nyquil. it's greeeeeeeeeeen

Brent Rose says:
nyquil makes it so I can't sleep without it the next night. it's instantly addictive. fuck nyquil!

i am fabulous i am says:
okay brent, i don't know if i like that tone; don't speak ill of the magic of nyquil, because of the limitations and downfallings of your failed weakened state

i am fabulous i am says:
tsk tsk brent, for shame

---

" ambiguous tuesday conversationing "

---

a 10 minute conversation with two men.

one completely human and merry, beaming from ear-to-ear and polite; lucid and present in his carefully chosen well-spoken points. one of his front teeth is chipped at the most curious angle.

the second surly and merry, drunk and still drinking; the lost future of a hearty soul spitting verses of broad characteristics and making complete sense in his state of non-sobriety. the lines in his face forming deep caverns; the accents of a lifetime of expression.

we cover the introductions, the reconnecting of three people who might as well be cousins, lost friends, or close compatriots; the lost-and-found momentary nature of the family of man.

person one frequently apologizes for his drunk friend. person two continues to be drunk and explains the inner-workings of thai society in its present state; the influx of foreigners and alien cultural isms amidst his personal traditions.

time slows to a thick lull in the nightly wake of a day's thunderstorms and pre-monsoon showers. the humidity surrounding us like thick hot sweaty arms; the moon blessedly full in the sky; low to the eyes touch and a deep earthly-orange hue.

the drunker of the two men offers me invisible women with which to eat and consume, explaining that a man that does not eat women is not a man true to himself or of this world. i don't quite know what to say as he looks into and past my eyes fiercely waiting.

his friend gives me the "oh-god-not-this-conversation-again" looks and apologizes to me with a slight gesture of a gentle nod and a noted tilt. i let the drunkards comments ride, this rare example of a man, and return the gesture.

it's a very enlightening, heart-breaking segment of time; lost opportunities of now-men over the peak of their youth-hoods' past potential successes. they now laugh a raucous laugh. i find my own chuckles mingling in with the joyous audio-clutter.

these priceless mellow-gold, reaffirming, beautiful moments of unique normalcy, in between the droll of staring at computer screens, and those forever-moments before the sweet unconsciousness of sleep.

---

" blips of calm "

---

heading into my monday morning, fresh from a night at the condo, i found myself in the thick of it: mid-morning computer-induced blank-brain syndrome.

jaw agape, eyes dry and red with the sensation of scratches, and body just feeling very blah; uneasy as if lying on cold soup...which makes no sense at all.

i received a call from my mom at around 12:24pm. she was visiting the catalina islands off the west coast of san diego with me dad, and just wanted to parlay how strikingly beautiful the beaches there were at that particular moment.

for a brief and beautiful 8 minutes and 24 seconds, i had one of the best telephonically touching conversations with my mom ever;

complete in it's sense of utter normalcy, we parted ways. me in my office in bangkok, she among the languid nightly waves of the mighty north pacific.

---

" sacred wasted sunday "

---

woke up properly hungover at noon fifteen. spent a good two hours wondering good god why won't my eyes stop pulsating?

head thick with cotton, jaw aslack and askew, neck hurts in every movement, nose in training for a marathon; it's a wonder that i can sit up longer than a few seconds. everything spins funny.

is it okay to feel great, like you're going to throw up, and hungry all at once? maybe perhaps.

went out into the harsh light of an overcast sunday afternoon. hit up JJ where i proceeded to spend altogether too much rapidly-disappearing money on super rad awesome dvdvds.

good news: made 260 baht (about 5.50 bones) selling my buttons, so word to your mother is what i thought then and now too.

it's past 8:00pm and i feel like a pile of human mass.

the day soon to come to an end, rather than a coda to last night, and aching comes from odd and rare angles;

not even janis joplin's gravel-coal voice singing mercedes benz can make my body feel better, but it helps.

---

" i promise, seriously, this is the last post regarding the 'the great chili con finger caper ' "

---

in our last exciting chapter, we had the question of defendant Anna Ayala's character brought to the notice of the court system. psst, she was the one who ate the finger-in-the-Wendy's-chili. eew?

http://baystar.blogspot.com/2005/04/chili-pot-plot-grows-thicker.html

there were doubts about the allegations and of the past civil lawsuits she had filed a numerous amount of times. now, let's join our chili-bandit in the final result of all of a nation's collective disgust.

look here, life ain't no ice cream sundae, but that doesn't mean that the only thing you can do to take care of yourself and your family, is to cheat the system. sure, there are inherent problems with every system, but think about it this way:

if she had focused all of her scheming energies into just trying to help her family out in a legal manner, who knows how successful she might've been as a person, and as a mother.

now she has her name and face plastered all over the media outlets, being labeled the crazy civil lawsuit chili finger lady. and that title seems to not have the same sweet ring to it, although it is semi-great reporting.

(disclaimer: again kasia should not read any further)

---

Ayala charged with attempted grand theft in Wendy's finger case

Friday, April 22, 2005

The great chili con finger caper reached the boiling point as the woman who said she found the severed digit in her Wendy's meal was charged with trying to fleece the fast-food chain.

Anna Ayala, 39, was arrested at her Las Vegas home Thursday night on a charge of felony attempted grand theft, including a penalty enhancement for inflicting more than $2.5 million in losses on Wendy's. The chain says its sales have plummeted since Ayala reported chomping down on a bit of severed finger in a bowl of chili at a San Jose Wendy's one month ago today.

Ayala was also charged with felony grand theft in an unrelated case, for allegedly swindling a Spanish-speaking woman out of $11,000 by "selling" her a San Jose mobile home that Ayala didn't own between September 2002 and November 2003.

Ayala could face more than six years in prison if convicted.

She was being held without bail in the Clark County, Nev., jail. Her attorney said today that Ayala was innocent and that she would waive an extradition hearing, which should hasten her return to California to face charges.

Family friend Ken Bono said officers raided Ayala's home around 9 p.m. and caught Ayala alone as she was watching "Meet the Fockers" on video.

"I had just left to get some soda at the store, and when I came back she was gone and there were cars from the (Las Vegas and San Jose) police," said Bono, 23, who lives with Ayala.

Bono said Ayala will be exonerated. He said she has been unfairly targeted by the police and Wendy's. "They don't got jack s—. They got her for something she didn't do. It's just something Wendy's is trying to do to her," Bono said.

The arrest came a month after Ayala's March 22 visit to the Wendy's restaurant in San Jose on Monterey Road, where she says she bit into a 1½-inch fingertip as she ate her chili. Her report prompted several investigations -- including one by San Jose police and another by Wendy's, which concluded Thursday that the finger did not originate in its food preparations or ingredients.

Police investigators portray Ayala as a scam artist with a penchant for filing lawsuits who planted the finger, which tests showed had not been cooked in the chili, according to court records. They did not indicate where they thought the finger came from.

Police knitted together a circumstantial case in documents supporting the arrest warrant, noting that an initial forensic analysis showed the fingertip had not been cooked at 170 degrees for three hours, which is how Wendy's prepares its chili.

Additional analysis by a Kansas forensic food laboratory, which conducted sophisticated testing of whether the finger was cooked and at what temperature, "disproved some of the statements made by suspect Anna Ayala in regards to the finger in her chili," according to a statement by San Jose police Detective Christopher Wilson.

Although two of three relatives of Ayala told police she threw up after discovering the finger, police arriving at the Wendy's found no vomit and Wendy's employees said they had not cleaned up any, according to Wilson's statement. All the Wendy's workers and others present in the restaurant at the time denied involvement in the finger affair and passed voice stress analyzer tests, police said.

Meanwhile, Ayala refused to cooperate with San Jose investigators when they attempted to interview her April 14 in Las Vegas.

Police said they'd found that Ayala she has filed multiple civil claims, "at times settling cases for a cash payout,'' according to the statement. She and her her children have been involved in 13 civil actions in California and Nevada.

Ayala has said she received a $30,000 settlement from the El Pollo Loco restaurant chain after her 13-year-old daughter fell ill with food poisoning. But El Pollo Loco officials said Ayala had been paid nothing in response to her claim.

In 2000, Ayala filed a lawsuit against a San Jose car dealership, Goodyear Tire Corp. and General Motors Corp., and in 1999 she filed a sexual harassment suit against La Oferta Review, a San Jose Spanish-language newspaper.

At a press conference today, San Jose Police Chief Rob Davis said investigators "have information that we're following up on" in the hunt for the source of the finger. He would not elaborate.

Asked for Ayala's reaction to the arrest, Davis said: "She was unhappy."

Ayala's San Jose defense attorney, Rick Ehler, declared her innocent as he arrived in Las Vegas for a jailhouse meeting with his client. Ehler said his client would waive extradition to California.

He said authorities "are trying to demonize" Ayala. He noted that the press and police had recently chased unfounded rumors that Ayala cut the finger from a dead aunt's hand or obtained it after a leopard chomped off a Nevada woman's digit.

"So far, every time they've come out with some new story it's been false," Ehler said.

Asked about press reports that Ayala had allegedly admitted to friends she planted the finger, Ehler said: "When you're Wendy's and you've got the kind of money that they have to throw around for investigators and you put a $100,000 reward out, I'm surprised there aren't more people who are willing to come forward and say all kinds of crazy things."

After her reported discovery of the finger, Ayala said she had trouble eating and sleeping and was forced to take medicine to help settle her nerves. At one point, she went on ABC-TV's "Good Morning America" to recount her horror at finding the finger.

On April 6, investigators served a search warrant on Ayala's Las Vegas home. Ayala accused police of harassment. She initially filed a claim against Wendy's but withdrew it after the raid, saying the media and police scrutiny was causing her family "emotional distress."

"People can say what they want and destroy my family, but it's not true," Ayala said last week. "This is really ruining my kids and me and dragging my family through the mud. It's killing us."
Wendy's said it welcomed news of Ayala's arrest. "We're thrilled," said Tom Mueller, president and chief operating officer of Wendy's North America.

Santa Clara County Assistant District Attorney Karyn Sinunu called Wendy's and its employees the victims of a scam.

"We are always concerned about victims' rights," Sinunu said. "In this case there is a victim corporation, but that means that many workers are suffering because of the wrongdoing of the defendant.

"We are urging Americans to go back to Wendy's and enjoy a safe meal,'' the prosecutor said.
At today's press conference, the franchise holder of the San Jose Wendy's where the finger was found, Joseph Desmond, said that "all the little people who were hurt in our stores" deserved to be supported.

"Please come back to Wendy's because we do serve wonderful hamburgers, shakes and everything else," Desmond said.

Wendy's announced it would offer free Frosty shakes to all Bay Area customers this weekend as a show of goodwill and commitment in the wake of its investigation.

In addition to the Wendy's case, Ayala was charged Thursday with swindling Bertha Davila out of the down payment on a San Jose mobile home, which in reality was owned by Ayala's live-in boyfriend, according to a statement filed by San Jose police Detective Albert Morales.

Ayala allegedly told Davila she was selling the mobile home because she was moving to Las Vegas in October 2002. Davila didn't speak English and relied on Ayala to translate during a meeting with a real estate agent, Morales said. Ayala also claimed to have returned supposed sale documents signed by Davila to the agent.

But after Davila's family moved in the trailer, she was contacted by finance company saying the mobile home was in default on the mortgage and they had three days to vacate the property. When Davila confronted Ayala at her Las Vegas home in November 2003, Ayala allegedly refused to return the woman's money or answer questions.

The real estate agent told Davila that she had told Ayala that she would not be able to transact the mobile home sale and "Ayala did not translate that fact during the meeting," according to Morales' statement.

---

" kasia will not have any part of it, no siree "

---

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
holy crap

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
episode III is complete

Kasia says:
what do you mean complete?

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
http://www.comingsoon.net/news/topnews.php?id=9294

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
oooooh

Kasia says:
i knew that that question would elicit a link

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
right?

Kasia says:
which i am going to decline to follow through on

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
http://www.superherohype.com/news/supermannews.php?id=2890

Kasia says:
cause i dont care

Kasia says:
at

Kasia says:
all

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
or even this!!!!!!!!!!

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
is it me, or is it a tad silly while being COMPLETELY AWESOMELY RAD

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
when did low-cut style move to exterior undies?

Kasia says:
hey man, they've got ot keep up

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
it just looks a little silly, and i'm sad to even say it, but i have to see it in action

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
and then hopefully it will not be silly low-cut exterior undies action

Kasia says:
it looks awful

Kasia says:
like they'd bunch in the front or back

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
i always wondered what the fuck it was made out of

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
i mean super-sonic friction aside, wouldn't his suit just fry or tear off from the speed of his flight?

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
i dunno, it's gotta be some sort of super suit, and then..who made it?

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
hmmmm?

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
...

Kasia says:
did you see the incredibles?

Kasia says:
that little crazy lady made them

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
yeah, but we're talking about an established universe here

i am "this close" to being "there" says:
edna mode doesn't exist in the DC universe

Kasia says:
ok i cannot have this conversation

---

" the most lovely thought "

---

i am leaving here soon, only to return;

for there are more beautiful things

to experience in this world yet.

---

" dedicated to mr. hill "

---

he was my teacher; endless light and boisterous laughter which carried, a solid presence, that smile that beamed through everyone. support, however subtle. wit, power, a man who wanted the best out of everyone, and commanded that you look beyond the paper/canvas/physicality of your art.

and of course i have to hear from 4000 miles away that this great teacher of mine has passed away, and out from this world. as i am sure with many, there are nearly no words for the impact of this. i suddenly feel helpless and lost all in one moment. i never got to say good-bye.

how can one person change the course of your entire outlook on life. i can't ever use a pencil to draw without hearing him behind me say "hey, try shading that with circular motions and see if you can get a better gradient." it was very annoying at the time, because i was pig-headed about my shading, but he was right. and then later he would give a bunch of us a ride to zarri's for sandwiches in his red jeep.

he challenged your technique without suggesting that you were wrong. he shared and demonstrated that in everyone, creation and expression flourish, and he could be one guide to show us how we might possibly let all of that out. his passion to teach and cultivate our tiny glowing potentials brought to him a sense of grace of which we trusted whole-heartedly, and he never let me down. not once.

he was mr. hill. my first art teacher. when i didn't have a seventh period, he let me crash it for a year, even though he said he wouldn't let me add to the classlist. who would let an annoying 13 year-old just hang out in the art room just because? he never regretted that decision and let me enter advanced art the next year without question, or having me display a portfolio. having allowed me to stay, i got to know the fiber of what makes a great instructor.

that year i won a local postering design contest for the city of albany, ca. out of the entire class of students, i got a cash prize and a chance to meet-and-greet the now legendary/then up-and-coming hieroglyphics. but those weren't the prizes that stuck with me. it was the fact that this great man had in such a casual manner awakened an interest of mine, allowing for the first time, the chance for me to develop as an artist; these are the rare gifts.

everyone that was greatly touched by this teacher has a great memory of him. mr. hill was a friend of the students, a fighter for expression and artistic freedom and development, and he never pushed you in a wrong direction. if he yelled at you, it was because you said you were going to clean the brushes, and you didn't. most times, he was in the classroom, working out a painting of his own design, which of course took on a beautiful, broad-stroked, lovingly-colored palette.

it fills me to the brim of my being with an immense sadness, knowing that even after all that he has done for me, i know absolutely nothing about him; the great mystery of the man who gives everything, so that others can better themselves and their art. this is what makes a powerful human being.

he showed that there should never be a doubt that you can do anything you want. life is an empty canvas waiting to be filled with everything you have to give; the life's work of mr. hill. he taught me that. he was my teacher.

he was my teacher; mister hill.

---

" you too feel like poo? "

---

you remember when you learned about the food pyramid? i was but a tiny tot, and i found myself instantaneously intrigued and transformed by the way that foods were being broken down into select categories for my own benefit. it was fascinating. but then again everything was fascinating, when you didn't know shit.



oh the sad shame of the old food pyramid. it seems to have aged poorly as a standard; there are even mediterranean pyramids, and vegetarian ones...and even asian and latin food pyramids!!! when are they going to make a soul food pyramid though, because i want to know how much cornbread and mash with biscuits and gravy is too much to out-balance the collard greens and BBQ.



so with a heavy heart, the USDA tried to update it with little changes overall; is that still bad? finally however, the USDA has revamped their recommendation for the consumption of food and food products, unveiling the future of iconographic food charts forever.

now you too can be angry at your lack of self control in bright both and more annoyingly detailed ways! notice how they replaced all the cool little pictures of food with an exercising stick figure? i would say that is not too subtle USDA; but in the past, america has definitely proven itself to be not quite as sucker-free as once previously thought.

let's get to it people!!!



all of a sudden i feel fat for not caring.

[also, the figure person seems to be running up the stairs, frantically looking for all of his food which somebody stole. and why the yellow stripe gotta be so tiny eh?]

---

" horizon lounge karaoke: big-ups "

---

big up to sherisse_clarke for a fabulous monday night of drinkery and karaoke. who needs to really be sensible on the first night of a new work week? you're going to send me some of that vermont maple syrup i hope. if not, thank you for the karaoke. also good luck [going back to] america.

big up to british kim, nothing like whiskey, horribly sung 80's songs , and red heels to really make a night come together proper. you can sing me a song anytime. especially a carpenter's song when an abba one will already suffice. also you told me you guys were in room 3, and i stood there in room 3 with complete strangers for a good 10 seconds. word.

big up to jason who works altogether too much, and quiet scottish jacqueline(sp) who was very patient with my endless questioning; i apologize, but i had to hear all the intricacies of your lovely angled accent. i believe you'll find them less weird later on, if you want to be super photo/filmpals. i promise you less "who the hell is this guy" moments, and more "i wonder if we should watch this movie and then buy some dvdvds, or buy some dvdvds then watch this movie" moments.

big up to surprise-visit dino and his tall friend andrew, who despite just at first sitting and not singing, finally came through in joining in for a few craptastic tunes. dino is creepy on suggestive love songs from the 80's. i'm still scared.

big up to the westin grand hotel and their very unique design of having a double-tier very initially and lastingly confusing elevation design schema (first tier: floors 1-7, second tier: floors 8-25). all i can say to that is 'derr?' aesthetic and architectural ingenuity aside, get it together people!

big up to the most blazingly fast taxi driverman who got me home in ten minutes from a twenty-five minutes from home place. i wasn't going to puke i swear, i was just really really excited and also you were playing crazy luk-thung (thai country music) remix's and that was rad!

aaaaaaand finally, big up to my condo for being all dusty even though i cleaned it very well. the dust particles that magically appeared has given me the craziest runny nose all day long today.

bonus big ups to the sun for being on the rise as i finally re-cleaned my entire condo dust-free because i'm paranoid and obsessed about odd things.

now i'm going to go pass out with the help of my two little green angels, my beloved nyquil gelcaps. you're saints!

ps - i'm mad at british chloe for not being there, but not really, but really i am, or not. come home soon na? your dvdvds are waiting.

muah ahah ahaha ahahahaha ahaah, and so forth.

---

" yippity doo dah, and also, yippity day "

---

that funny feeling says:
well lookity doo

that funny feeling says:
i fucking tied the fuck one on last night

Brent Rose says:
oh yeah?

that funny feeling says:
well isn't that what sunday nights are for?

that funny feeling says:
5555

that funny feeling says:
you?

that funny feeling says:
how was/is your weekend?

Brent Rose says:
yeah, i just had a beer and a shot

that funny feeling says:
we are so cool

that funny feeling says:
and although i'm slightly hungover, it was worth it

---

Brent Rose says:
anyway, so tell me of your drunken night

that funny feeling says:
shit my fucking sunday, man

that funny feeling says:
woke up

that funny feeling says:
did some work at the boss's heez

Brent Rose says:
(boo)

that funny feeling says:
went on to JJ to sell some buttons to that dude, and pass him three more new t-shirt designs

that funny feeling says:
he's cool

Brent Rose says:
cool

that funny feeling says:
someone told me to get mine's but in all honesty, i want to help him get his, cause he has filmmaker contacts that i could possibly use later on

that funny feeling says:
plus he's cool

---

that funny feeling says:
then went on a DVD BUYING RAMPAGE!!!

that funny feeling says:
we are talking some major unleashing

that funny feeling says:
wallet empty, northface backpack unsuitable for contents

that funny feeling says:
that sorta escapade shit

Brent Rose says:
northface pack? cool

that funny feeling says:
well like my normal back pack

that funny feeling says:
but packed

that funny feeling says:
got hella dvdvds

Brent Rose says:
oh. i thought you meant you bought a new one

that funny feeling says:
oh, no

that funny feeling says:
hah

---

that funny feeling says:
then, i went to go meet my boss's nephew at this mall to get some business cards made

that funny feeling says:
and she said (the woman at the spot) that because i made all of the artwork camera-ready, that it'd be mad cheap

that funny feeling says:
so i ended up again going nuts and ordered like 400 business cards

that funny feeling says:
why not, i thought

Brent Rose says:
400 business cards for you?

that funny feeling says:
yeah

that funny feeling says:
am i ever going to need those?

that funny feeling says:
hahahah

Brent Rose says:
MAYBE

Brent Rose says:
at the Nat'l Geo thing

that funny feeling says:
word

that funny feeling says:
also, wait...i mean

that funny feeling says:
AND, the artwork is all mine, so if people want to know my template, i can sell it to them

that funny feeling says:
muaha hahah ahah a

that funny feeling says:
or not, at all, ever

that funny feeling says:
ok

Brent Rose says:
heheeh you so crazy

---

that funny feeling says:
then went to RCA, a club/pub/hangoutat one end, and cineplex minimall at the other. there's an arthouse cinema on the third floor of the complex called "house." it's rad

that funny feeling says:
so then me and british kim saw 'the edukators"

Brent Rose says:
haven't heard of it

that funny feeling says:
so coool!

that funny feeling says:
and this girl is one of two, or the only really, brits that i've met that allows me to be completely nerdical.

that funny feeling says:
and that's really quite nice

that funny feeling says:
great flick; very local turned political radicalism mixed with blind idealism with seemingly open eyes

that funny feeling says:
good stuff

Brent Rose says:
neat

that funny feeling says:
then we had one of the best film/life/deconstruction of actors/celebrity/music/culture tangential conversations ever...except that ever conversation with these two lasses is like that (british chloe being the other of the two, but in chiangmai at the moment)

that funny feeling says:
oh you of little normalcy

that funny feeling says:
then, all of that conversation happens at the bar across the street from the theatre, and then this dude sterling (music band man) and tuppi (drummer music band man) came out of nowhere!!!! and we had a super super time, it was nice. trodded home around 2am. not so bad for tying one on, but it sure felt like it when i kept mispronouncing my destinations to the taxi driver. i got home okay. then like a maniac, i checked all of my dvdvds to see if they would play, and of course they did. but the real question is, why didn't i just go to bed?

that funny feeling says:
you're not there anymore are you?

that funny feeling says:
well at least you don't have a mustache anymore

---

" my apartment has no television : other fiction "

---

she wore rings on her fingers but the diamonds was in her eyes. top off, bottom off, with rings on her fingers. this was althea; love of my life.

momentary glints and flashes flared from the corners of the sheets, as she glanced over at me from the dim of the room.

red light from the hotel across the street shone in through the wide frame of my windows; her body awash in a crimson luminescence. anything she would've said to me would be like the most beautiful everything.

"did you know that 'four-poster' beds came about? back in the olden days in england, those who had thatched roofs had those sorts of beds to prevent thatch and rot and animals and things from falling down on them while they slept."

upon hearing that, my heart broke proper, and i was going to make love to her, but i fainted right there at the window. she laughed and made shadow puppets on our walls.

---

" doo, doo-doo, doo doo "

---

twiddling my thumbs in a pattern resembling the complexities of the geosynchronous orbit of our planets only moon today, i realized that i in fact, may have had one of the most 'nothin' doin' days ever this year.

how is it that a whole single day from waking to nighttime, can be so utterly languid and wasted? this is of course not to say that nothing was accomplished today. on quite the contrary in fact.

i finalized some visa-renewal plans, designed three t-shirt/button designs and my to-be business card(s), read three newspapers (plus did two crosswords), took a whole roll of photos for a magazine article perhaps maybe, and watched two movies for research and development.

oh yeah, shit was done, but does it matter. i feel like the lone tree that has fallen in the forest; the ripples of my days events not felt, nor heard, or mattering at all.

---

" april in oakland "

---

Kasia says:
its so nice here!

Kasia says:
its that lovely april weather where its all still green, but its stopped raining

darth vader is coming says:
sunshiny ay?

darth vader is coming says:
i love that

darth vader is coming says:
a brisk freshness to the day to counterpoise the waking of the morning

Kasia says:
up in the hills its so nice, all the creeks are full and running

darth vader is coming says:
sounds like mother nature got her some

darth vader is coming says:
in other news, my teeth hurt

darth vader is coming says:
any ideas?

Kasia says:
lord you're a mess

Kasia says:
hows your itchy thumb situation?

darth vader is coming says:
oh that? the itch is gone, but now i've got a dull shooting pain from my lower back down to my ring toe

darth vader is coming says:
so that's fun

Kasia says:
what is your deal??

darth vader is coming says:
i'm special in many ways i suppose

Kasia says:
so very special

---

" the 'chili pot' plot grows thicker "

---

you know those stories that you hear like a blip on the newswire, and then later you really really wanted to know what happened next?

well, now here's your chance to get the latest scoop on most likely the strangest twist of events regarding Wendy's Hamburgers and the world of fast-food chili.

hold your stomachs, it's going to get weird.

(note to kasia: you may not want to read this, but then again, you might)

---

No apparent link between finger, leopard attack victim

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Nevada officials said today there does not appear to be a link between a Las Vegas woman who said she found a finger in her chili bowl at a San Jose Wendy's and another Nevada woman who lost a finger tip during a leopard attack.

But authorities said they have not ruled out the possibility the finger from the leopard attack somehow ended up in the chili.

Sandy Allman, 59, of Pahrump, Nev., suspects her finger, which was bitten off by a leopard at her home in February, is the same finger that turned up in the Wendy's chili last month in San Jose.

Tony Demeo, sheriff of Nye County, Nev., said today there does not appear to be any evidence of a relationship between Allman and Anna Ayala, a 39-year-old Las Vegas woman who made the grisly discovery in her chili. He said his investigators are still working to determine if Allman's finger made it into Ayala's chili.

"We can't say this is the same finger one way or another, but the only thing we can truthfully say is there is no connection between (Allman) and the person who found finger in her food," Demeo said.

Allman's attorney, Philip Sheldon, said his client was prepared to submit to DNA testing to determine if the Wendy's finger is hers. He said San Jose police contacted Allman on Wednesday but have yet to obtain a DNA sample from her.

"I want this done as soon as possible so we can put this to bed and we can put away any questions about collusion" between Allman and Ayala, Sheldon said. Sheldon said the finger pulled from the Wendy's chili looked slightly larger than Allman's, but that could be the result of bloating or cooking over time. He said his client still believes the fingers are one and the same.

"It makes sense with the condition of the finger, the type of puncture wounds and the fact it wasn't cleanly severed," Sheldon said. Sheldon said Allman's nail was manicured. San Jose police said the finger found in the chili had a well-manicured nail.

Ayala, meanwhile, has abandoned legal claims against the Wendy's corporation and parted ways with her legal counsel.

San Jose police have also intensified their probe into the incident.

"Our investigators have been in contact with (Allman)," said Sgt. Nick Muyo. "With her cooperation we are working to find if there is a match between (the chili finger) and herself."

Police emphasized that the leopard incident was just one of many promising tips that had been called in since the March 22 discovery of the 1-inch finger.

Wendy's corporation has offered a $50,000 reward for information identifying the original owner. Police also received a tip from a woman who reported losing a finger while breaking up a dogfight, said San Jose police Officer Gina Tepoorten.

San Jose attorney Jeffrey Janoff confirmed Wednesday that he no longer represented Ayala and that a letter sent to the Wendy's corporation seeking compensation for the finger incident would be recalled.

Ayala, who family members say was visiting San Jose on Wednesday, was unavailable for comment. She has repeatedly denied planting the finger.

The investigation took another turn after Carol Asvestas, a director of the Wild Animal Orphanage in San Antonio, called Wendy's tip hot line Tuesday, saying the finger may have come from Allman, who lives in Pahrump, a small town about an hour's drive west of Las Vegas.

Asvestas said she had been called to the property by Allman, who requested help in rescuing six tigers and three leopards. Allman inherited the large cats from her ex-boyfriend.

During the Feb. 23 visit, Allman put her hand in the cage of a leopard named Anthony, who leaped forward and bit off the tip of Allman's left middle finger, Asvestas said.

"She was saying these are my babies, they would never hurt me, and then less than two seconds later, Anthony reared up and bit her, and the finger dropped inside the cage," Asvestas said.

Allman was taken to Mountain View Hospital in Las Vegas and then to Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center, said Sheldon.

Sheldon said doctors had told Allman they could not reattach the finger because it was not a clean cut and there was a risk of infection. He said she had left the finger at Sunrise and returned home late that evening.

"That's the last place she saw it in a plastic bag in the emergency room," said Sheldon.
Sheldon said his client had never met Ayala and, until Wednesday, never considered that her finger might be involved in the Wendy's case.

Glenda McCartney, spokeswoman for Sunrise in Las Vegas, confirmed Allman had been a patient on Feb. 23 but declined to elaborate on her treatment because of confidentiality rules.

"We have not been approached by any investigative sources or police, but we would absolutely cooperate with the authorities, and we're certainly doing an internal investigation about Sandra Allman," McCartney said.

McCartney said there was no record that Ayala had ever been a patient at Sunrise.
Ayala's son, Guadalupe Reyes, 18, dismissed a possible link between Allman and his mother, whom he said was innocent.

"She doesn't even know how to get to Pahrump - she doesn't know where it is," Reyes said of his mother. "That's a lot of crap. There is no link between my mom and that person (Allman)."

The chili incident is at least the fourth event for which Ayala has unsuccessfully sought compensation in recent years.

Last week, Ayala claimed that she had received a $30,000 settlement from the El Pollo Loco restaurant chain after her 13-year-old daughter fell ill with food poisoning. But El Pollo Loco officials said Wednesday that Ayala had been paid nothing in response to her claim.

In 2000, Ayala sued a San Jose car dealership and Goodyear Tire Corp., and in 1999 she filed a sexual harassment suit against La Oferta Review, a San Jose Spanish-language newspaper.

Stephen Jay, marketing director for JEM Management, which owns the Monterey Road Wendy's, and seven other Bay Area Wendy's restaurants, said business at the San Jose restaurant was down by at least half and was also down sharply at all 50 Bay Area restaurants.

The bizarre twists of the fast-food-finger saga have captivated people nationwide, including even those whose work has led them to believe they have already seen it all.

"My curiosity is killing me," said Sgt. Muyo, a longtime San Jose officer. "I'm dying to find out how this is all going to turn out."

---

as are we all good sir, as are we all.

this only begs the question: where's the picture of the finger?

muahahah ahaha

(you read it, didn't you kasia? sorry bout that.)

---

more gross information about "the chili finger mystery"

Ayala abandons Wendy's suit
Sales drop a few digits at Wendy's(4/10)
Finger finder has litigious past(4/9)
Police search woman's Las Vegas home(4/8)
No print match yet(4/1)
Woman recounts horror(3/29)
Was finger cooked with chili?(3/26)
Authorities seek hand with finger(3/25)
Two Cents: Your worst restaurant discovery?(3/25)
Woman finds finger in her chili(3/24)

---

" happy words to summerize my day "

---

the sun shines through the raindrops.
light glistens and refracts as they collide with the wet earth.

walking down the soi,
smiling faces caked in powder,

throwing blessing water all over me;
the laughter ensues and

the air smells of jasmine garlands.

---