it's not much at all for western standards. not much. a trifle. 2000 baht.
that's about 50 USD, and it can be spent in a split second with no one missing it at all. what could you buy in the bay area for that amount of money? a pair of pants and a scarf. a designer tee shirt and a sandwich, maybe the train ride back to the east bay.
it's almost normal to let money flow through our fingers like so much sweet and perfumed water. there are times that you are reminded just how much value people have over the ever-changing concept of money.
in all reality, i hate money. i hate it. i hate that it exists.
i hate the power money has over people. i hate the way money makes class divisions and how it hollows out people. there are empty shells with loud voices which echo walking along wall street, the booming resonance bouncing inside of their cavernous frames.
i have family in the south of thailand, and no matter how little i have actually seen them over the course of these now 26 years of coming and going , back and forth from the states to here, they always have love for me.
they always have a deep and profound wealth of support and interest into everything that i'm doing, and it's the sort of caring that permeates through your soul, and carries in your being, saturating ever fiber of the heart.
this past time i was in songkhla province, about a week and a half ago, i made sure to say goodbye to some of my relatives who own a small goods and rice shop on one side, and on the other, the most delicious steamed buns ever.
they greeted me with sparkles and affection. a real love that can never be repeated the same. i only wanted to make sure that i missed them all of the time, and that they are always in my thoughts.
and right before i started to walk away, i felt a moment of hesitation in them and they told me to wait a moment. i stood before my relatives in the south, and my aunt's gentle hand lifted towards me, clutching onto my arm.
she looked into my eyes and told me to be a good person; be smart and helpful and kind. make sure i take care of myself and others. live life, love, exist, make everyone proud, and respect myself.
she said all of these things through this simple action. no words, and all of the meaning. then after i tried my hardest to leave with just that treasure, she slipped into my palm two 1000 baht notes.
you have to imagine an instantaneous ancient and deep sort of shame. i was and am still so ashamed.
to have come from their own pockets, this 2000 baht represented so much more than anything that it could possibly be spent upon.
it means their daily hard work, love and sacrifice, and trust and a reaching out for an understanding so furiously loud inside of your soul, all contained in the silent gesture, that one must recognize the significance, or it could misinterpreted.
i refused three times as is my method, and before they could lose any face, i accepted the money. you have to understand also, that although someone with my particular background could spend that amount in five minutes, it is the sort of cash that comes from selling small goods, rice, and steamed buns; the elements of their daily survival.
this sense of love is not the kind of hallmark cards or sappy syrupy sunday afternoon specials. it is real and raw and true, and when confronted with this love in it's most base form, one has to fight with oneself to remain composed, as i attempted to do.
it is within this monetary gift, and so much more. so much more than the worth of those two slight bills. and in that moment i wanted to tell them everything.
all of my love and feelings for them and how in every second, i recognize how much we are family and care for one another and all of the things that we should, as human beings, be sharing with each other out loud in every day we have remaining. so that we know. and they know. and all of these gestures could mean so much more than pure artifice and exchange of paper.
and i know that they know now.
2000 baht for the rest of your life.
the act becomes more than the worth of the gift, and extends beyond dissection. beyond the need for unnecessary contemplation. beyond guessing, and into the realm of understanding.
it is a state of my being, and i think i will never forget how simple it was to remind myself that we all exist together. the family of man.
and how in just one moment, without making it known, we could lose the things that make us whole.
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