Wednesday, December 31, 2008

" the curious middle path "


you'd ask me what i thought of the past year, and the road ahead, and i'm not even sure what answer i'd be able to give you.

i do know that i'm still trying to figure it all out. i know that i'm feeling further and further from a love that i felt defined my newfound confidences, and now it seems that without it as a constant in my life, i've been lesser-than ever since.

i know that i have people all around me who see in me something special and noteworthy, but whether due to personal motivation or lack of doing that right thing that you're supposed to do, it just didn't happen this year.

so then what are we left with to do? the moment. this moment? the ever-present current moment, dictating to us its needs and desires, its wants and its ire. i'm not sure what it is i'm going to do or accomplish this year, but because of the meandering year that 2008 has turned out to be, it represents full well that many things can go great and forwarding and positive, while the end result feeling overall can still remain mediocre and less-than.

i don't want to feel like < anymore. i want to be proud of myself and happy with the exploratory nature of my work. i want to do so many things, and have people know that i'm good for it; that i'm well worth the time and effort...that i can hear to the core of them, and i understand.

and whether or not tonight represents this shifting change of focus or not, it represents a pause in time where i noticed certain things amiss in my life, and how i could potentially make the upcoming year better.

so, so long 2008. you weren't the bestest year so far, but you certainly weren't the worst. i'm going to tuck you away and do a shimmy. then we'll both be able to see clearer paths ahead.

happy new year.


Sunday, December 28, 2008

" it ain't no shame... "

--- feel lonely, when you are.

it ain't no shame.


Friday, December 19, 2008

" it's snowing...and in other news, my mom is rad! "


almost three inches of snow outside, and my mom calls me up.

"do we have the film 'the karate kid' at home? your dad want's to watch it."


can you get any more cute factor out of your mom?

jeez, it's like a pure sunbeam just shot down from the outer galaxies and straight into my heart.

just in case, you too need a copy of the karate kid, here's where i am going right now to get mines.


" it's tough to be amazing, but you can try "


you're walking down towards the brooklyn ferry landing. the night is clear and cold. the chills from the ice wind slips its way down the front of your scarf and into the deep folds of your layered clothing.

you see the that the lights are still on inside the brooklyn ice cream factory, and you decide that no matter how cold, no matter how inane the idea, a large single scoop of strawberry ice cream on a sugar cone sounds like the greatest idea ever. you buy one for $3.50 and you are not disappointed.

across the waters, the city sits in a wide glistening smile. near the edge of the pier, there is a man standing in the length of his own shadow; around his head, a haloed ring of light radiates, the source of which is a passing ferry. music emanates from a small boombox sitting on top of a cart. he stands and does not move. the music is not memorable.

the brooklyn and manhattan bridges stand tall and ominous in the looming dark; their towering beams stretching up into the night where their gleaming lights mingle with the stars.

tonight's homework:

think about one thing in your life that you believe you can better. craft together a plan of attack, then actively work on making that one thing excel. those self-imposed limitations have no chance do they?


Friday, December 12, 2008