Friday, June 24, 2005

" i like me some gingerbread house "


sometimes in the pursuit of stability in our own lives, we stumble onto the path of another's. destinations hidden by the strange and alluring; voices call out from stillness and slip lovingly into the forms of our ears.

blind steps on such interesting avenues, which twist and wind far into the unknown.

and while meandering and exploring upon this path, you might find a trail of crumbs which leads you into the wide unfamiliar.

who's to say that it is not valid? as much as i like to think that everything is laid out in such a fashion, one cannot deny that a trail of crumbs is vastly fascinating.


Thursday, June 23, 2005

" losing it properly "



altogether and in an instant you realize that you have absolutely nothing to lose. she's standing in the doorway slightly turned away from you; the slight breeze creating a beautiful ocean of movement reflected in her eyes.

you raise your camera to your eye and focus right in on her mysterious everythings, as if one could catch her in photograph. in slight smiles she renders me adrift on a calm ocean plane.

and such a peace that is constant and throughout. you haven't felt this optimistic in some time. and scared out of your skin.

as they put it, endless possibilities are just at your fingertips. and i'm sure they're right, but still. hesitation lingers on your lips which do not speak. lingers on your hands which are safely lowered at your side. lingers on your confidence like a wet blanket; the weight of the world suddenly becomes visceral.

but, you are going to be okay. so go for the ghost. a life wasted on doubt never got anyone anywhere. there are greater things in this world to experience yet, you've said many times before, and soon, the moment will pass.

put down the camera.


Monday, June 20, 2005

" sundays becoming mondays "


i was thinking about her this morning
and then, i

at that very moment,
found a 5-baht piece on the ground,

picked it up, and
the thought of her burned

through my being, like the
hot coin nestled in my palm.


Friday, June 17, 2005

" meeting everybody again for the first time "



what's going on?

long time no see, and all that jazz.i thought i knew you, but it seems that everyone has their own version of reality. the thing about it is, if you could just see, just make an attempt to locate that thing that is me, amongst all of these other floating sacks of human. it'd be interesting,

i can guarantee you that, yes. i suppose i haven't seen you in some time. here are some things to re-learn about me:

- feet are proper nice. well, they are.

- nerds are surprisingly still cool. i have my recently renewed membership card for your perusal if you don't believe me.

- glances can make me faint inside; die a thousand deaths to live for the moment.

- i am scary into photographery, ooh and filmmakery. let's do a project!

- i have a sweet tooth, and i need them pulled out.

- i watch a lot of movies, like a mad lot of them. if we hung out, i'd most likely suggest that we go catch a flick. but don't worry, i'm sure you like movies too. it's just normal, innit?

- i am completely not an raging asshole. it's true! even if you provoked me or stole my shoes, i'd probably just shrug it off after a moment of confusion to why you would do such a thing. and i'm good to people. you can write that down, and put it in your pocket.

- i'm going home home soon, then coming back to the big BKK, so hit me up now and soon, or then and later. either way, everyone is free to get some bay-time in. and you better believe it, bay-time is always an experience. um, i have references.

that's about all i got for now. good to see you again. i really like what you've done with your (insert hair or clothing style or fixed wandery-eye description here), it really suits you. i'm glad that you're doing well. i'll mail you a special (insert random desired thai thing here) if'n you'd like.

cause that's what friends are for. that and you can repay me by walking on my back.

tonight's homework:

remember, the wide world is there, right before your feet which by design move forward. so take the time; every step is toward something fantastical.

(elements of fantasticality not refunded in the case that the fantastical is a bear, wombat, or rabid mongoose.)


Sunday, June 12, 2005

" smaller world "


you're dancing in a miscellaneous bangkokian club and everyone is happy. the lights flash around you as you attain two to three feet of air with your legs all a-jangle and arms flailing. it's as if the world has become smaller and capable of everything great.

each and every pore exudes happiness and at this moment, you are coursing along the same river as every living thing in the universe. to your left and right, smiling faces contort and shape to make what could be described as the closest thing to a state of bliss, as can be had in such a loud blaring place.

far off in the distance, merrymakers have mounted the podiums and larger speakers; gods of sound and movement. they claim their spot and own their own five-foot bubble of ecstasy. surely no other moment in the last few have been as pleasant as this one.

your small band of dancing friends are all obtuse angles and sparkles, and they look dead sexy. in mid-air, you look down upon the massive crowd that has now gathered on the dance floor, and for one brief shiny gravity-defiant moment, you feel as if no one can take this away from you ever.


Monday, June 06, 2005

" planting "


as if you needed to see anymore of my photog pieces, they're now working for good. not that i ever had a successful time working for evil. i'm just not cut out for the dark side.

here's a nod to one that has begun something.

with the camera strap tight and a clear mind; go get them tiger.


" figure it out on your own "


passing time in the most random ways,
i step out an onto the smooth passages.

no one to let you know how it'll turn out.
no one to let you in.

if it's all just smoke and mirrors,
let alice pass to meet the catapiller-man.

fingers streched long and reaching
in order to find them there, now

and not in a what-if, or then.
the time comes, and still no signs.

create the path, make the signal,
crafting your own version of the middle way.

saying fuck-all to these disbelievers;
stumbling down the soi, but still forward, onwards. point b.

forever becoming. forever desires seeping in.
forever never seemed so long.

hidden groves within the cobwebs.
quick and slight touches, glances.

these moments of our evolving lives,
open wide, and yearning for our inclusion.


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

" kiss my prik grapow khai dow "


sometimes i wonder if i have any major psychological or medical problems. like, am i having a mood swingydingy or am i an irritable mild bi-polar? or, why are my ribs sorta like they are; angular and positioned thus?

it's not as if i have any doubt that i am anything but what could be considered "normal," but maybe if i had a distinguishable affliction or acknowledged clinical state of being, i might be what most would consider far from typical.

though there's nothing wrong with being typical mind you. on some of my best days, i revel in the fact that i have an average build, a clear mind, high tolerance for the roaming asses of the world, and a mile-long list of interests and hobbies. it's enough to just put me above charlie brown status.

now, how to properly market myself. this then becomes the crux. i have a business card; does that count at all maybe perhaps? and how does one really get themselves recognized, if by all physical and mental capacities you are deemed socially neutral? it's a baffle sometimes.

one of these days i should go nertz and punch some random person in the face. just to see how this potential victim, flabbergasted and caught completely off guard, would react. what could i say?

"sorry sir or madam, i was just fed up with being a C+, and i know you were just minding your business when i came up to you and clocked you upside your head, but i needed to step outside of the box. do you want me to help you gather your groceries and various papers?"

anywho, i still don't quite understand the charm of supposed colorful characters. at least beyond the surface glamour of the moment and the echo of the fantastic. there's more to see in most people beyond the flashy, or the beefy, or the shiny, or the troubled.

and here i am, a premiere example of a superb human person, finding the niche and hitting the stride at all the right angles. what're you upto tonight?

wanna get some pancakes?