Friday, April 30, 2004

" shanghai flowers "

---

going tho shanghai tomorrow. i've never actually been in china, and it's going to be interesting that this show is the "in" for going. it'll be work, and not leisure that i am going to go there for the first time.

i wonder if it'll be nuts and hustle and bustle with pressures and schedules (as it has been as of late) or will it be a sight beyond anything that i have ever seen before? i am personally hoping for the latter.

what will happen to international bay?

tune in five days from now to find out!!

---

Thursday, April 29, 2004

" the silence of speaking "

---

coming here
wanting nothing but
be able to communicate with
my people; Thai people,

and then not being able
to say
one thing

not one
word.

i stand before them
inanimate
and stunned;

mouth agape
and slackjawed.

shame searing
across my blushed face.

to realize you are
a fraud, is a
devastating feeling;

even your face
gives you away.

each tone, movement, action,
and reaction all
betray me here,

and these social wounds
cut deep inside,
until i am left to do
nothing,

but be a twenty-four year-old
man
yet remain and feel
helpless and
vulnerable;

a newborn among
the masses.

---

" goldern sums of a beach! "

---

just what am i doing here?

let's see a summary

i am in thailand working for a woman i worked for in august of 2000. she's a hardcore business woman "personality," who is fairly hardcore, but only at face/business value.

she is now doing a cooking show on thai TV and cable, with aspirations to expand it beyond the screen and try and create a diverse cultural group of programming that will show the international community what thailand has to offer on a more accessible level.

my part in all of this is: i am doing some translation, voiceover on an english-language cable show, helping to design the english language website for the existing show, doing photography, helping being the representation in meetings for the foreign investors, doing "insert" dv camerawork for the cooking show, and a bunch of other menial things for the show. that's about it.

so you can see now why i hesitated to summarize in earlier correspondences. hah.

i hope that you are well, cause i am hot and swamped, but that's okay, at least i'm here.

missing you,

international bay

ps- look at this and tell all of your friends (i'm a towering 5'6"):

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2177&articleSrc=3&sid=88723551-1015-49B8-9802-37866805B553&trackingid=516163&theme=211&lid=160

---

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

" strom clods "

---

you wake up to a sounds that resembles a dynamite explosion nestled in a wooden cave in a dark forest of the clouds which gather. the sounds echo in a deep resonating, blessed and fearful frequency. there's not much you can do but you lie awake now in your bed and just close your eyes back and experience what nature has come to be.

then the rains come.

first a light hint of pit-patterings, followed by the familiar taps of new rain hitting the beat earthen floor. and then, all of a sudden...

the storm of a raging beastial monsoon awakens and opens up and onto the land. there is almost no room to see beyond, because the rainfall is so intense and voluminous. you get up and peek out behind pastel vertical blinds in time to see the storm explode, and it all hit at once; this is real.

three hours later, after the storm has subsided, and the rain clouds are reduced from their carriage, the land dries up in the refreshed heat of a new day.

i love thailand.

---

Monday, April 26, 2004

" a different sort of freedom "

---

so lonely and hot here. i wish that some friends could come, even though i most likely would be too busy to enjoy their stay. i guess that it's fine though, because there is a certain freedom in being the inside foreigner; everyone is expecting you to be different and crazy and not understand the language, so when it comes true, no one is that much surprised.

last night i got bit all over my body by mosquitos, it made me hella paranoid and crazy. my dreams were all disturbed and the night only advanced because i pulled the covers completely over my head which made breathing both difficult and maddening. other than that things are going great. i hope that it remains this hot, cause i can dig it. the service aspect here is a little uncomfortable, ie-maids and servants/drivers. they sort of have that service as their job, which should be fine, but it still feels as if there is a discriminatory aspect to it. for fun, i like to wash my own dishes just to make them all surprised.

if there is one thing that i do enjoy though, it's that the people here live life very much to the fullest. there are extremes in the personalities which rival any of the same caliber of passion that is in the bay area. it's crazy to think that even though there are distinct yet subtley covert levels of discrimination , there still is a general sense of pride in oneself that keeps them up and positive. i love that.

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Sunday, April 25, 2004

" untrameng! "

---

if you know anything about the phenomenae that is ULTRAMAN, then you'll appreciate this:

tonight i went to a live interactive stage show/extraveganza at the meung thong IMPACT arena, to see an ultraman 4-D show, sponsered by channel 7 and sealect tuna. (the extra d is for the special effects, of which there were many.

first we were treated to the v.i.p. treatement, which means that you get to go behind the scenes and see all of the staff smoking in the back tent area, the actors/acrobats that are going to play ultraman characters (JOFFY, JACK, SEVEN, etc.) greasing up and getting into costume, and the other v.i.p.'s drinking tamarind juice.

the show was either so so rad or horrible; it really depends on your sense of adventure and suspension of belief.

it was a tribute to sponsership logo placement, voiceover continuity, and the whole thing was a thai translation of an existing japanese show, so the storyline had to be interesting to the core audience....which is 5-11 year olds....and their parents.

i was thinking the whole time, "big and mark would love this!!! too bad they're not here."

if anyone wants to visit me, tell me way in advance, so that i can make some sort of preparations. if not, email me at

golden_buddha23@hotmail.com

it never hurts to drop a line.

i am going to sleep now cause 98 degree humidity and 99 degree weather makes for a balmy sweaty skin day.

love the description huh? yeah i know it's gross, but whgat're you gonna do?

duh duh, duh (reading rainbow transition notes)

---

Friday, April 23, 2004

" 99 degrees of temperature separation "

---
dear suzi-Q

i hope that you get better soon. drink some hot peppermint tea with honey and lemon in it, that;ll sooth your throuat and clear up your upper respritory system, sinus, et al.

i'm in thailand at my office now, so i guess we really won't hang out. i am glad that you are developing your darkroom; i'll have to try it out when i get back.

i have no clue when i might come home, because i am unsure whether or not i can get a work permit here. if the kingdom grants me one, i can stay legally for one year, instead of the usual tourit 30 days. i am going to do a little PR here for an international cooking show hosted by this woman i worked for in august of 2000. she is funny in the fact that she is all business and hi-so (upperclass), and yet wants to create a show and sense of on screen programming that is accessible by the masses as an equal. it's funny too, that i will be doing some work for her, because i can see how transparant this is, but it's a great opportunity to flex my creative skills.

other than that i don't as of yet know really what i'm doing here. but, that is the fun of it.i think i'll post this on my blog, so that everyone can see how weird this trip is going to be. but, in the interim, take care of yourself, tell daniel i said hi, and assure bridget that someday we will take cool bicycle photos on the train tracks. i promised didn't i?

on the setup tip, you want to make sure that you have three areas. depending on size of your space, this can be cramped, but you want to make sure they remain as seperate as possible:

1) prep area: a place, maybe a waist to ribs-level bench where you can look at your negs via a light table or a lamp. you can also use the floor around this area to store your chemistry, both unmixed and already prepared.

2) dry area: set up your enlarger here. usually set up with a base board and a timer attached, this area should be large enough sto both suit the size of the enlarger, and also an area to place other tools and/or negs and paper. nearby too can be a space for, focuscopes(the magnifier looking thingies), loupes, filters, photo easel, paper, straight edge cutting board & slicer, etc.

3) wet area: this is the place where you want to put all of your open chemistry, trays, and holding bins. i deally you would have a sink, so if this is the case, situate the wet area here, so as to not splash on anything that is irreplacable (negs, paper, anything stainable).

you also want to take into account ventilation and your safety lights: a fan or vent is ideal for refreshing the oxygen in the darkroom; you don't want to be huffing fumes all day....for once. the safety lights/lamps should be suited for the space; the amount of light and exact tint (red, orange, oreange-yellow) should be positioned so you can have it on when you enter the room, and be placed where you can view everything in the dry area, but also be luminate enough to gauge the correct exposure of the photos in the wet area. also because color photo might need a different shade depending on the sort of paper used.

this is important to note the strenth too, because you could fog your paper if it is left out too long under a strong light. a good tip would be to measure the distance from your light to your enlarger, and then to your wet trays, and look on the lights' box too see if it is an okay enought strength/distance.

other than that if you need more specifics, i can give you some more information. happy printing!

bay

ps- it's hot!
---

Thursday, April 22, 2004

" 14 hours to go "

---

yesterday my dad took me up to the bank. we talked for a bit, and he told me that he wanted me to do the best job i could in thailand. i sat there in his van listening to the words come out of his mouth; the way he talks, the rythym of his speech and the care in his voice. like one of those brief moments where you realize that your parents are real people and they love you.

we went inside to the teller and he got me an amount of money in the form of travellers' checks. while the teller was processing them, he said to me that forever how long i stay, i have to work hard, and learn, and have fun. there's nothing like this sort of opportunity left for me. before you leave, use this money to go travelling around for two weeks, explore the country, see out house, and visit your family.

i started tearing up in line in the bank on solono, and i had to just let it go. so i stood there crying with my dad in a bank.

those are the moments which define a relationship, and one of the things i'll take with me on my trip.

wish me luck.

---

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

" crying in the dark "

---

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

you sit and wait to be entertained, and lo, here comes the onslaught that is kaufman and gondry.

you cry internal to the external. you shudder and laugh. you begin to realize that love is just as blissfull and as painful as our grasp on reality. it wanes and refuels, it bends and shifts, it becomes truth and it causes distress.

and yet i cannot help but feel for these two lost people. i want them to be able to overcome all of this pain and hurt and memory, so that i can feel that i can overcome anything that i may go through.

i want to love and give love and recieve love and be happy and make others happy and safe and important and feel rage if i am in a fit and feel hurt when i in pain.

these are the important things that i want to explore and share and observe and study and engage and be about.

what else can you do for me?

what can you do for yourself?

if connections that are so elusive become obsessive desires and warp our beings in the plight for it, that eternal "it," then why do we seek it so fervently?

and the answer is always the same.

i just cannot help myself. i am in love with being in love.

bay to all...


...ps-i leave on thursday, so you're all going to have to learn to survive out there without me for a tic.

---

Monday, April 19, 2004

" why is it? "

---

why is it every time you plan to leave to somewhere for a long time, something wants you to stay? how come these things never come up before, and how come i still am leaving in s[ite of these happenings?

it never ceases to confound my better judgement on the topic of money too. i save, and i save up a lot. i wouldn't say i'm cheap, but i am mindful of my bill-fold. and how come for the past week, i've been at a pub or a bar or a social beverage-consuming gathering every night? i have no clue, but somehow i close the place down and end up eating at nations.

so to all, thanks for being there for me this past week, i'm really going to miss you. send me your addy's and i'll drop yous a postcard.

until then...

---

Friday, April 16, 2004

" hah ahaha aha ah "

---

like some sort of urban ninja, i'll make my way to the airport and the plan for my escape out of coffee hell will be complete. i'll fly from SFO until i reach japan, then from tokyo fly to BKK, thailand.

then i'll have a great trip. i'll take a thousand great photographs and smell the air of my secondary homeland. i'm going to eat from a food stall on the street, buy fruit from a woman with a motorized bike/icebox contraption, learn some new aspects of myself, speak thai and be made fun of but prasied, sit quietly alone in my air-conditioned room and ponder "just what does this all mean?" over and over and over again until my mind is numb and i'm too hot to care.

yes, all of these things will happen and even more so.

so.

i guess i'm out of here like i said.

and as the moment of departure looms ever closer, i start to wonder if there's anything i'm forgetting.....don't you hate that feeling?

---

Monday, April 12, 2004

" it's time to go... "

---

Dayday1550: hi bay
Dayday1550: its laurel
weederman23: it's you!
Dayday1550: yes it is
Dayday1550: em's here tho
weederman23: i saw a taller brunettier twin of yours today at my work
Dayday1550: she just got back from santa barbara
Dayday1550: hmm?
weederman23: her last name is smith, and she's from oregon, but i didn't catch her first name
Dayday1550: realllly
weederman23: weird huh?
Dayday1550: she looked like me?
Dayday1550: weird
weederman23: tell emilie i said yo
weederman23: she sorta did look like you
weederman23: it was weird
weederman23: yah
Dayday1550: she says "what happened to sugar dumpling?"
weederman23: nothing i guess
weederman23: i don't understand anymore
Dayday1550: hi bay, it's me
weederman23: hello
weederman23: i am so delerious
weederman23: i worked allll day
weederman23: and tomorrow i'm gonna do it again
Dayday1550: that's life i guess
weederman23: it's true
Dayday1550: i saw a good foreign flick
Dayday1550: wilbur wants to kill himself
weederman23: which one?
weederman23: oh man that one looked good too
weederman23: i hella want to see "garden state"
Dayday1550: it was good, but i don't recommend it for anyone who might be sad or already trying to kill themselves
Dayday1550: i want to see that one too
weederman23: true on both those accounts
weederman23: so...
weederman23: i might be leaving the country
weederman23: for an undisclosed amount of time
Dayday1550: where the hell are you going?
weederman23: thailand, shanghai china, and back to thailand, then, who knows
weederman23: do some photo, some camera stuff, look for work
Dayday1550: WOW
Dayday1550: what brought this on?
weederman23: i still have to think about what it is i'm going to do
weederman23: i got a call from that woman i worked for in 2000, and she asked me if i could go help her out taking some photos and whatnot
weederman23: but she still hasn't called back telling me what specifically i'd be doing
weederman23: that, and also i have nothing really going on in the US
weederman23: or even locally in the bay area
Dayday1550: you are typing too fast
weederman23: no good job to holdme back and no one to stay for really
weederman23: sorry
weederman23: i get in "the zone" sometimes
weederman23: i'll stop
Dayday1550: ok
Dayday1550: i caught up
weederman23: so that's the line of thought i have,
weederman23: why not go" i ask myself
Dayday1550: you should go
weederman23: and so for the past few days i've been doing some heavy thought
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: half exciting half sad
Dayday1550: i wish i could go somewhere now and someone who looks like me could finish my quarter
weederman23: you start to realize that people you care about want you to go
weederman23: wait for the cloning machine to be mass marketed on the infomercials

---

Saturday, April 10, 2004

" i'm outta here....um, again "

---

soooooooooooo yeah,

i am going to china it seems. yes, it's true.

for a week.

to work with a crew doing still photo and DV camera work.

fun right?

i hope i don't get monkey pox or what not.

bye in may.

---

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

" getting new connections are like getting new diapers... "

---

...because you never quite realized how much poo you were previously sitting in. i just hooked up the new computer plus a new super LAN connection. i used to be blind, and now i see. when you upgrade your computer, you not only become that much more of a nerd and introvert, you become a super nerd and a super power if not localized in your basement room. so watch out. this nerd's got diggity lan flavoured dsl! and i'm not afraid to use it.

can this get any more sad?

---

Monday, April 05, 2004

" sometimes you just want to believe "

---

self doubt is the killer of dreams

i can see that it's beginning to get serious. the game is no longer fun, the chase no longer interactive. i feel that that dream job is not coming to me. i must go to find it.

and just what the hell are "they" looking for anyways? passion? check. a bright and bedazzling sense of vision? um, check much? and what else? drive, panache, individualism, the ability to work with others and alone?

it's time i think to make a choice about whther i want to work in a coffee shop any longer, or if i want to make movies.

i think i'm starting to realize that i'd rather smell like movies rather than coffee grounds.

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