" the curious middle path "

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you'd ask me what i thought of the past year, and the road ahead, and i'm not even sure what answer i'd be able to give you.

i do know that i'm still trying to figure it all out. i know that i'm feeling further and further from a love that i felt defined my newfound confidences, and now it seems that without it as a constant in my life, i've been lesser-than ever since.

i know that i have people all around me who see in me something special and noteworthy, but whether due to personal motivation or lack of doing that right thing that you're supposed to do, it just didn't happen this year.

so then what are we left with to do? the moment. this moment? the ever-present current moment, dictating to us its needs and desires, its wants and its ire. i'm not sure what it is i'm going to do or accomplish this year, but because of the meandering year that 2008 has turned out to be, it represents full well that many things can go great and forwarding and positive, while the end result feeling overall can still remain mediocre and less-than.

i don't want to feel like < anymore. i want to be proud of myself and happy with the exploratory nature of my work. i want to do so many things, and have people know that i'm good for it; that i'm well worth the time and effort...that i can hear to the core of them, and i understand.

and whether or not tonight represents this shifting change of focus or not, it represents a pause in time where i noticed certain things amiss in my life, and how i could potentially make the upcoming year better.

so, so long 2008. you weren't the bestest year so far, but you certainly weren't the worst. i'm going to tuck you away and do a shimmy. then we'll both be able to see clearer paths ahead.

happy new year.

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