" of salads and homework "

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waking up in a haze of sleepyheadedness and one part curious knocking/hammering noises from outside the building. nothing really prepares you for an unsettling rousing.

got my pro account on flickr today after yeeeears of trying to select the best default 200 images available on the free account, and failing. hopefully i can get all the photos that i uploaded on FB on flickr now, where a lot more people could see them.

all of a sudden it was noon, and i settled my grumble-grumble of a stomach by making two tandem salads of butter leaf lettuce, red and yellow onions, smoked salmon, sun-dried tomatoes, a couple medium-softboiled eggs, and a balsamic vinaigrette with a little honey mustard innit.

after that, a flurry of homework, digital organization, lightroom catalog experiments, and research.

then i look out my window, and the sun has risen, peaked, and fallen. the last little hints of daylight scraping against the walls; leaning and disappearing like a drunk person falling asleep while standing, then giving in to the wonders of gravity.

as nighttime once again creeps up, the radiator spits and whistles, and i resolve to be a better photographer once again, even though i didn't shoot a frame today.

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janvier 26:

















janvier 27:

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" the storms of the banshees "

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last night i had a long dream about this swap meet flea market sale that was taking place in a mansion in california. i remember that even though it was in an underground bunker basement-type place, it still felt immense and spacious, sort of like the snake pit scene in indiana jones; raiders of the lost ark, when he's trying to escape.

i remember a chocolate making machine, and how i dipped my thumb into a part of the machine where the chocolate was finished with all of the processing, and it was just mixing and churning in this small cauldron-shaped part, exposed and bubbling. i accidentally broke free a small domino-sized piece of ceramic material, and the owner of the machine/swap meet said that i owed him a million dollars cause i broke it, but i didn't and walked upstairs.

then i'm in the old albany pool building. it's dank and murky through the main offices, but i can see shafts of sunlight coming in through the tall mottled bottleglass thick windows of the mens changing room. through a small hole through the cashier's desk, i can see the gleaming blue-green waters of the pool sparkling and swaying.

and then i wake up, and i'm back here. back in the present with my body sore and the winds thrashing the windows and roof. is sounds like the storms of the banshees wailing and screeching above and all around me, and i'm not sure what i'm going to do at all today.

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janvier 22:

janvier 23:

janvier 24:

janvier 25:

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" going for a wander "

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you're getting older now.

it takes more time to heal, and instead of having casual conversations with your body, you're beginning to really listen to it; your starting to hear it whisper and speak sentences.

your body always has something on its mind these days.

tonight's homework:

take a walk along a familiar path or route, then veer off to a (hopefully safe, be safe) side road, street or alley, and take the self-induced shortcut. this way through could actually end up much longer than expected, but i promise you, you'll see something that you've never seen before, and you'll forever be changed.

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janvier 20:

janvier 21:

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" the quiet times in between "

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transitions are hard.

california to new york. warm temperate weather to cold. relatively allergenic state of being to sick sick sick...and then having to head to school.

it's been a rough coming back to the east coast from the west, but i have seen a light through the trees. there are many things to be done here. there's nothing like familiar faces in familiar places to comfort your doubts.

opportunities abound for work, ice cream adventures, city street meandering, public park appreciation, pastry store searching, et al.

it's been rough, these times in the in-between. the quiet times which allow us the pause to notice it all. and all of a sudden, i have a great desire to encounter it.

p.s. - i miss you california. stay awesome for me.

tonight's homework:

stay warm, find a friend, tuck in, watch a movie, flourish.

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janvier 12:

janvier 13:

janvier 14:

janvier 15:

janvier 16:

janvier 17:

janvier 18:

janvier 19:

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" the sun is setting in the atmosphere "

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so here i am again. on a plane at 38,000 ft. free wi-fi is still rad.

the sun is setting behind me, and there are soft golden shafts of light dappling the rippled mountains below; their long elegant shadows dipping and swerving into the creases.

as always, the trip feels too short. time never ends up feeling like you think it will feel. i think other than the wonderful friends and new people i met, i'll miss the sir the most.

clean, fresh, beautiful, lovely air of northern california. the long draw into the lungs of the saltwater spray of the pacific ocean, a hint of port of oakland lingering, and the aftertaste of the nearby eucalyptus trees.

parents were rad. shooting a lot of awesome participants for my theis project was rad. the food was fresh and delicious. so many wondrous newly-made memories swimming and swirling inside of me, and so many things waiting for me in nyc upon arrival.

i leave my twenties behind, and head with a full force into the present. i hope that everyone has a hope that their dreams, whether old or new, will find it's place this year.

see you all when i land.

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janvier 08:

 janvier 09:

janvier 10:

 
janvier 11:

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" congratulations, you are now 30 years old "

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on this day, my thirtieth birthday, i just wanted to share something with you three readers.

before i went to go work and live in thailand in 2003, i had a short-run self-published zine. i made it myself by hand, some additional articles and writing from friends, an awesome 50's-era cursive typewriter (i borrowed from my brother), and the help of copy machines at my old job.

the basic tenet was to have an outlet for expression and art that i could edit and self-publish (curiously enough, i started my blog in 2003). i believe that if i had stayed in the bay area, i would have continued crafting together the zine, and i think about doing just that off an on, in the years that have passed since then.

in any case, i wrote a list in the second issue. one that i would like to share with you all, as my reverse birthday present from me to you...and then back to myself.

it's interesting what we think of our future selves; who we are at the time...in the present, and how we think we will evolve and hopefully flourish.

i'd like to say that i've proudly accomplished most of these items, and some are yet to become. i liked rediscovering it, and i hope that it inspires you to perhaps create one of your own.

thank you to all of the people that have made these first thirty years on this planet absolutely wondrous, and here's to the next thirty.

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- from the self-pulished zine "and each wound has the shape of your mouth," © c. bay milin, august 2003
(presented as printed/published without further editing)


a list of things i'd like to do before age 30:

- publish a photo collection in book form
- travel to iceland and stand atop a glacier
- film footage of family members in Songkhla, TH
- take a yearly portrait of people i know
- finish a feature-length cinematic work
- find out about my true origins and family past
- fall in love
- learn to shoot medium format, 4x5, and large
- shake hands with an inspiring person/celeb
- inspire someone and create the change i wish to see in this world
- make tees, buttons, stickers, and zines
- lay entangled in the arms of a lover all day long, then photograph moments
- find a job or course of work that will allow me to do what i wish creatively, and love it
- move out of my childhood home
- live for at least six months on a foreign continent, within a culture not my own
- be drunk enough to know better
- drive across the united states
- be a father
- invent something to benefit humankind
- learn what it means to be happy, then share it
- be able to allow failure to occur
- become a monk
- get tattooed
- still be able to say that it's cool to be a nerd at age 30, and believe it

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" hitting your stride "

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dear yourself

you're doing great. i know it's the in between times, and it seems at times that you're walking down the wrong path.

but i just wanted to let you know that your ideas are valid. people believe in you, and that trust and support bring you more strength and a sense of confidence that will propel you so far in this life.

so whenever you need a little boost in your everything, just remember this: you're riding the lightening of a new day, and it's not burning you. this is the time to crate that arc, and steer it to a destination of choice.

as always,

you from ten minutes ago

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janvier 3:

janvier 4:

janvier 5:

janvier 6:

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" a satsuma for your soul "

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miraculous things are about to happen.

i'm shooting someone for my project every day this week, except of course on my upcoming birthday. it's sort of amazing.

for the past few years i've been really trying hard to create my own personal version of a day job. one part serious photographer creating images, one part freelance binessman, one part making it in the big city.

there's not a day that goes by where i don't thank my lucky stars that i've been able to exist in nyc for as long as i have. but at the same time, something had to give. what i feel i can deal with and put up with now, i don't believe i want to be the day-to-day in the next ten years.

so i've been slowly getting closer and closer to creating my own job. and for perhaps the first time, and through the growing success of my project (albeit in the shooting stage still), i can see that i can motivate interested parties to participate and collab with me on my interests.

it's a blessing to be trusted by someone enough that they will allow you into their world, sometimes for a day, sometimes for your entire lifetime. and i've been counting my blessings.

in one week and a day, i'll be back in nyc dreaming of cali, with many new participants shot and ready for processing. amazing things will happen if you start to be proactive and turn the dreams into action.

so like i said before, miraculous things are about to happen.

tonight's homework:

think of one solid gold reason not to pursue your dreams starting right now. oh, don't have one? good, now you're ready to kick 2010 in the shins and run towards your bright bright future.

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" i remain resolute "

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this is the year where there are immense joys.
this is the year of great smiling moments, and raucous laughter,

and beaming bright sweetness.

keep me in line, and let me know if i begin to sway or become aloof.
this is the year in which we grow as people, and move forward together.

this year i will listen to you. i will be there for you.
this is the year i will remove the sorrow from your heart.

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