" and it begins "

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so.

how has the past few been for you? i don't know that i felt any different; both about the "newness" of the year, or the optimism looming overhead and near. rather, i think that rain washes away all things in the bay area into my shoes, people are very busy and harder to find around this time, and body fat seems to be at a higher count.

thusly, is it enough that some time has passed and we are a bit older and fatter?

i just want this year to be a forwarding one...

on that note, i'll attach here a conversation, which i think helps to demystify the onward road...or not:

weederman23: well, how are you doing?
weederman23: like personally
weederman23: okay?
weederman23: happy?
TaurusKAT: but...i think that when i am the most sad... the most down...it is when i am the most concsious of my self....i focus too much on what i don't have, on who i'm not instead of just being and doing the things that i love to do the things that inspire me, etc
TaurusKAT: not at all cohesive but whatevr.
TaurusKAT: i'm okay.... the holidays are bittersweet
weederman23: yes
weederman23: and how
TaurusKAT: is that a question or a statement?
TaurusKAT: ; )
weederman23: statement
TaurusKAT: i think the best quality a person can have is the capacity for change
TaurusKAT: that's what i strive for this year
weederman23: it's true
TaurusKAT: not that i wanna change.
weederman23: i want to focus more too, on my pluses or positives
weederman23: well, i thing not "change"
TaurusKAT: i just want to avoid being set in my ways
weederman23: but evolve ones "self"
weederman23: yes
TaurusKAT: yep
weederman23: i miss talking to you in person
TaurusKAT: how are you going to focus on your pluses/positives?
weederman23: not that we haven't seen eachother in this past week or nothing, but i always remember talking to you being very calming and forwarding
weederman23: focus....let's see
TaurusKAT: gee thanks
weederman23: just trying to take command of the things that i love to do and trying to push myself further, to take those risks that are there, whether artistic or cinematic or social or anything that might've been a hinderence previous to this time
weederman23: something like that
TaurusKAT: sounds like a great leap
TaurusKAT: it's scary
weederman23: yeah
TaurusKAT: and sometimes a painful process
weederman23: the future can be really scary if not for that semblance of destiny manifest
weederman23: i agree
TaurusKAT: but in the end you'll be happier for it
weederman23: painful
weederman23: painful is how i could describe my personal life of last years
TaurusKAT: yeah...
weederman23: it's horrifying to realize that
weederman23: i'm scared right now
weederman23: lol
TaurusKAT: we are too often in search of instant gratification....a passing moment that in the long run leaves no profound impact on our lives
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: a very human constant
TaurusKAT: the key to making it --(to happiness perhaps?) is enjoying the journey to that somewhere wherever it may be
weederman23: yex
weederman23: yes
weederman23: i think that's where i'm going to try and meander alongside of this time around
weederman23: to not stray into profound disappointments
TaurusKAT: maybe not enjoying per se but embracing the ups as well as the downs
TaurusKAT: totally
weederman23: and try and work on things and situations that can bring about a "something"
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: riding out the bumps
weederman23: we should write a book
weederman23: lol
TaurusKAT: yeah! a self help book....we'd make millions
weederman23: so millions

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