" auld lang syne for the decade "

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there will always be someone stronger than me.
there will always be someone smarter than me,
and brighter,
and more fit.

there will always be someone taller than me.
there will always be someone sexier than me,
and more handsome,
and more proud.

but there will never be anyone that loves you more than i do.
there will never be anyone who is more faithful,
and helpful,
and supportive.

there will never be anyone more amazing than me.
there will never be anyone that could hold you like i do,
and kiss your lips like i do,
and hold hands like i do.

there will never be another like me.
i've been alive for almost three decades now, and i'm one in a million.

catch me if you can.

happy new year/decade to us all.

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decembre 29:

decembre 30:

decembre 31:

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" someone to believe in "

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there's nothing quite as empowering as someone believing in you. believing in your everything; your ability, your sense of grace, your heart.

that belief helps to set aside fears, and gives you the courage to push forward through unfathomable obstacles.

the sense of strength which envelops your soul, the brief moments of feeling whole, and cared for, and then being able to care for someone else, all stems from those same instances.

if you believe in someone, tell them. it will make them stronger and better human beings, and it will help them to be bold and courageous.

we all need someone to believe in, and for someone to believe in us.

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decembre 25:

decembre 26:

decembre 27:

decembre 28:

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" merry little xmas "

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it's xmas eve, and all through the city,

all creatures are stirring, and everyone is busy.

not a stocking hung, no fireplace, no care,

but the happiness of being home,

is everywhere.

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decembre 20:

decembre 21:

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decembre 23:

decembre 24:

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" california smells terrific! "

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all i'm saying is that i woke up to a sunny morning, i had a breakfast of fresh fruits and juices, then ran some errands with my moms...and i can totally see why one would move back to california.

the air smells right; slightly pacific ocean salt-laden with a hint of port of oakland lingering soon thereafter. BART trains sound right. food here tastes fresher. people are so so so nice, aaand genuinely so.

i talked with my dad about photography for a while this afternoon (after he cooked me up some bangin' pad thai that tasted correct!!), and then we sort of collaborated on an experimental HDR panorama, which turned out amazing! not perfect, but i think it's a great starting point. we sorta make the best team when we're on point. to be explored...

can the hometown do no wrong? perhaps one night and one day into this vacay is too early to tell, but so far, i'm riding.

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" sort of amazing "

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if you were sitting next to me right now, you'd either be a fellow passenger on a flight, or a really cold and deathproof bird above indiana.

in short, free wi-fi on a plane is nothing short of a curious and confusingly amazing service, now being provided for free from google, on virgin america flights, through january 15th.

i guess that it's indicative of how short-lived amazing things are in our tech-obcessed fast-paced society, that mere moments after writing that last sentence, i've already shifted from wide-eyed and elated, to unimpressed and uninterested.

but okay, now im actually registering that i'm sitting in the atmosphere, and i'm sort of reeling with the feeling don't stop, continue.

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i'm on a flight back home to california for the holidays. like normal people do. haha.

it's the first time home in over a year, and a trip which i've made only a few times since moving back to the states, then moving to new york.

the first semester of my graduate program at SVA is over, and last night, my fellow classmates and colleagues tied one on at Old Town, because the heartland brewery was being a discriminating biatch to our merry group of international U.N.-like photographers.

so headed home for a bit. to rest, to sleep, perchance to shoot some more. not really sure of the ultimate goal of the trip is, but to pause and reflect.

tonight's homework:

take a few minutes to write down a list in two columns. on the first list, write all the ways you are a good person. on the other list, write those attributes that you could work on...your failings...your weaknesses. when you have about ten on either list, make a decision to try to change yourself for the better, and get all of the second lists items eliminated, while simultaneously adding ten more to the first list.

you're doing great, and i believe in you.

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decembre 15:

decembre 16:

decembre 17:

decembre 18:

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" cold hands, warm heart "

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i remember a time when i would sleep a lot. over 8 hours here, perhaps an 11-hour dream took me away there. the sumptuousness of imagery flexing and breathing within my head, beckoning me to stay with fluttered eyelashes.

as of late, i've been slowly feeling my body getting weaker and weaker as my enjoyed hours of sleep continue to ebb and decrease. i feel my musculature begin to ache and grow stiffer in the thin icy air of my bedroom in the mornings. there's too much work, too many moments filled with tasks, too much, too much.

but what quality of work, and what amazing opportunities i seem to have set out before me. it's so curious that the activities you love to do, could be directly contributing to the deterioration of your body.

there is rarely a respite from the encroaching sleepiness and the feeling that my health is waning. but in the reclaiming of a good night's sleep, there's hope.

upon the edges of sunsets and mid twilight times, i start to feel a surge of energy that i will get all the tasks done, and have a deep and amazing sleep.

the pixie-dust will put me down and under their spells. the synapses will fire and slowly through a blurred darkness, flashes of color and light will manifest, creating that beautiful escape.

tonight's homework:

drink a lovely cup of hot tea with honey and ginger. take a few moments to think about what you really love, and what you love to do. think about the people in your life that you love, and that love you. think about all of these things and people while you brush your teeth.

right before you swish and spit, but before you turn out the bathroom light, make yourself a promise to remain true to these things, and to these people with a full strength. solidify to yourself to be respectful, honest and open.

by the time you are slipping from this waking world to the dreamworld, know that you're doing great, and when you wake up, the world will have changed for the better.

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decembre 12:

decembre 13:

decembre 14:

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" dear nyc, i flip you the bird and still want a hug "

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eleven days into december, and still no snow.

windy ole wind and the cold sans fluff is very boring. aand it's just crummy and miserable.

so dear new york,

i'm leaving your good wintry graces for the holidays, and i shall see you in the new year. so i'll be back. don't worry.

i'll be back, and a year older. we can frolic and i'll go ice skating. i'll make spicy spiked hot cocoa and walk though your windy ways.

i'll eat doughnut plant & sugar sweet sunshine bakery in your lower east side. it'll happen. soon and soon enough.

see you tomorrow, and don't disappoint.

yours truly through and through,

bay

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