" laments & expanding joys "

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i have had moments this year. moments filled with frenetic energy, anxiety, blisses, regret, doubt, and ire. like most everyone living this linear existence, you cannot help to notice time passing.

slow or rapid, it's all happening around you, and only when you have a moment of clarity amidst the fray, a surfacing from below the water-level, do you see. you actually can see the moments constantly folding over each other. meshing and combining and filling our days with everything.

the long faces in the crowd, shielded by black scarves. middle-aged men with coats purchased by daughters and carrying lunchbags chosen by their granddaughters. green ones with bunnies having a picnic scattered across the vinyl. "homeless-occupiers", homeless moms on the train with their kid(s) at 3am, the american salary man, hot dog vendors, boys in threes or fours flexing their bravado safely and in confident packs.

people in the the city, in the world, on the street, on the train, in your face. so many people.

how can you see all of them in their infinite numbers? so many stories filled with hope, tragedies, happinesses & elation, sadness. filled to the brim with love and compassion only to have it misunderstood. filled to the brim with deception and malice only to have it misunderstood.

getting older means that nothing is so black & white. we live in shades of gray, and it's up to you to navigate those muted tones amidst the shock of colors. and what a faceted spectrum. ever-present and aware, as if all walls have tiny eyes constantly watching and never blinking.

it has been a curious year to be sure. as always, highs and lows. but you do your best despite the world, and sometimes despite your better judgement.

be good to people, and if you messed up, own up to it. time is ever-fleeting, and the burden of those moments of conflict compound and multiply before receding.

it has been quite the year, and there are so many more to go.

tonight's home work:

do good, be good. and try to reflect that goodness in others. do your best, and people will notice. and someday, the right people will notice.

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