" i'm getting pudgy "

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take a deep breath, i tell myself...

it's going to be fine.


there is no doubt that i am gaining weight.

this is extra fun, because i am a statuesque five foot six or so inches in height. there is always a hint that you are starting to change shape, when shirts that you once wore comfortably, start to get all

tighter.

since you take your body everywhere you go, it's hard to not become intimate with the landscape of your own physical being. there are parts that stretch, dip, protrude. there are hairy patches, smooth vastenesses, and digits galore.

i like my body. it's just convincing other people that it's swell that part of the adventure of courtship.

i feel that all of these parts are slowly expanding, but i cannot prove it. when you start to look at yourself in the mirror, or look down on yourself, you notice that you are beautiful and complete, if not only in the moment of realization.

there are parts of your body that always have a meaning; the untold private stories of scars, misplaced drunken adventures, or the spot where you once had pointed out by a lover while laying together inside during a rainstorm.

my body is yet again in transition, becoming whatever shape it starts to take, and i suppose i could do more things to keep it "fit," or "tight." but i give a shit about those standards of visual deconstruction.

rather, i would be content if i met someone on the street who was just happy to see that i am perfect in my imperfections; to be anything less that that is inhuman.

another week long block of work on the road is coming up, so take care of yourselves in my absence.

this weeks homework:

attempt to "take the next step" with some one you've always wanted to, but were afraid to ask. or take your current special someone, and cook them dinner. it could be romantic, it could be simple grilled vegetables and brown rice, or it could be teevee dinners. whatever the texture or shape of the menus, just do it with heart, cause that's what's important. if you are single like me, gather a bunch of other single friends in a house, watch "in the mood for love," by wong kar-wai, and dream of better days ahead with shots of single malt whiskey.

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