" a hint of ranty ranty rant-rant "

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the world is surrounding you in all of its intergalactic location and extreme normalcy. people are looking to the skies and deconstructing the patterns in the stars in a hope of something greater; something else.

when you think about the size of your body, and in your mindspace prop that mass up against that of the distance between san francisco and bangkok, thailand, you begin to see how these known distance also define your insignificance. the amount of molecules that make you up, the fact that all of this space exists between you and 'whatever is over there,' and how it makes so much sense that when you are near someone you love, you can't help but feel something of an intimacy.

and how are you supposed to feel when you're up against a mass of nothing. all of these interfering occurrences that you have completely no control over: radiation content, sound waves, the passing of the sun over the plane of the earth's crust, flight patterns of honey bees, the feeling of corduroy, those people over there making out in a diner booth at 3am. it's a list that can go on and on and on.

and is there a point to all of these countless vast distances between things? every time i do that thing where you look inside of yourself and re-evaluate yourself against the 'big picture,' i start to feel myself becoming less. less significant, less important, less more so than 'more than.'

and also, the only way i ever can know how others see me in their own version of the big picture, is when they have something to directly say to me/ask of me. it's a baffling mind-boggle, the attempt of your ordinary person to try and give up on asking simple questions about life and never finding the answers.

and there is no point.

one fact being, i have received six hugs in the past seven months. this alone is like a 'what the huh?" to me. really, does less than one hug per month make me a better person. i would say that in my history of giving/receiving hugs, no. and yet there is no way to remedy it. you begin to hug your own body, in an attempt in making that space in between everything around you less definite.

tonight's homework:

play a board game that involves more than two people, and then after you've won or lost, interview them on how they feel about the space that exists around the world. i can guarantee that they're either look at you all cock-eyed and crazy, or you'll all share something and then move on to taking shots of random alcoholic liquids until you pass out in a fit of intoxicating happiness.

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