" chiang mai thought train "

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- all night drive to chiang mai. 8 hours of jilted dreams; marvelous and filled with wondrous things of which one could only describe under deep hypnosis and of course of which i cannot remember a thing.

- four seasons resort chiang mai. 2000 bones a night for the penthouse suite. we are on the first floor and it's damaging to ever stay in such a place; the sort which will ruin every subsequent hotel stay for the rest of your life.

the rooms are so glorious, you feel guilty for using the bathroom. hilary clinton stayed here once, and numerous wedding anniversaries; i can only imagine how many times this superior house/residence must be sanitized.

5-disc dvdvd players and bathrooms three times of the entire world just some of the elite perks. i must remember to gaff some soaps.

- the world is so utterly lonely when you find out that you are still a foreigner, and that nobody cares about what you might call "a personal growth," over the past year. people asking sarcastically for me to just speak english because they cannot fathom me speaking anything but, and i instantaneously yearn for something familiar, coming up within the maybe-sorta and alien.

- shopping centers larger than necessary are so overwhelming. who will ever need 5-quart jugs of mayonnaise or 3 kilos of pickled radishes? my brain becomes fixated on the infinity or thousands of tins of canned sardines, and i get lost in the dull shine of pull-away tops.

- dreams of meetings with people who i will never have these conversations with. finding resolve with an apparition of reality within a dream. resolve and love and satisfactions manifest in a ghostly lie, laced with sweetness.

these words, the air slips through a set of lovely teeth and beautiful lips, to arrive at the door of my heart, just to leave me broken upon awakening. the words ringing in my ears as i catch my breath; the sounds of the road passing under-tire jostle and titter with a violent resonance.

- in those moments right before you fade into sleepy sleep, you think this: somewhere sometime, there will be someone that fits in my everything. because how can one go through this life, however short it has been thus far, without being able to find at least one person out from the masses, that just gets me?

the thought lingers like a hovering moment of hesitation, then blows away; a wisp of smoke, a vapor, a passing thought.

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