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: on driving, rather, on being a passenger :
- did you know that in Thailand, they drive on the opposite side? the driver's side is on the right, but if you think about it, they think it to be the correct side to be sitting on, while the US version of driving just seems silly and confusing. sitting on the opposite side of a moving car like one of these, not only allows you to physically change your position, but also reconsider your perception. the once thought safety nets, or "anchors" do not exist, and you are left to roam and ponder, admist an alternate universe.
- i feel like i am floating in limbo, here in an engulfing sea of easy-listening music.
- my producer/bossman P'Pet, has just told me that the place where we are driving is called the Nakom Praterm Province, and it dawns on me that i have absolutely no clue where i am.
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: on being here :
- don't have friends, make some
- can't speak the language, then learn
- don't know where you are, get a map
- all of these things i know, but while i have been here, i feel like everyone thinks that i am capable, but also quite possible dumb or inexperienced, all because i don't fully know the language, and haven't really been anywhere.
- like i have said to myself many times before, i look the part...thus, i should be able to speak thai, know where everything is in relationship to everything, understand vast subtle cultural normalcies, and know over 4000 years of history, right? um, no...not really i believe.
- does everyone understand the sacrifices my parents made both financially and lifestyle-wise in order to make a better life for themselves in america? a lot of sacrifice, a lot of personal toil, and a lot of thinking and preparation. and these people want to take all of that away with one line of dialogue and a comment. i have had 24 years of very ingrated american lifestyle, tinged with hues of saffron from a world i have yet to fully understand and encounter, and here these people come with their lives and their lifelong experience and judge me? i think that is a little unfair.
- everyone treats me at times like a little "special kid" and i hate feeling like that.
- there's something about having your boss introduce youto everyone we newly meet, as the import that is that and has thai parents, but can't speak thai and knows nothing. an introduction like that induces acid reflux and interpersonal disdain.
- a co-worker yesterday found out that i am 24 years old. she looked at me and then my facial features and said that i looked much older than that. then later on in the day y boss said the same thing...when you're young, all you want to do is look older, and when you're older, all you want to is to retain your youth. but what happens when you don't care about those attributes, and just want to exist? does that mean that i look old for my age and that can be a good thing? aahhhhhh, it's all so complicated.
- it's amazing how such a trivial thing can resonate throughout the day and become something profound that sticks in your eye like a wish unfurfilled.
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