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this morning at approximately four a.m., it hit me like a sack of flour to the face:
i am in complete control of my life. i would like to call this phenomenae "new february syndrome."
it's in moments like those that i really feel energetic and renewed. i remember it clearly. i was working on three projects at once, and time became nothing but the length of radiohead songs echoing throughout the empty office walls.
i looked at my watch as i tapped the last stroke on the keyboard; the printed letters wearing away from usage frequency. i climbed the stairs, set up my bed for sleep, and began taking a shower.
all of a sudden, the shock of reality blazed itself like a fire in my head; the flames licking the inner walls and using pent up insanity as fuel. in three to four months, it's all going forward. the steam-engine of my life. the mass of coals have been stacked and are ready to shovel.
things are going to happen, buttons are going to be pressed and depressed, there are going to be opportunities and successes in tiny yet significant increments. the skies will open and i will explode in an all-empowering pyre of happiness and freedom.
just a few more months. a few more months. the hands are ticking away, the cells not near their half-life. the muscles relaxed and at ready. the body in a constant state awareness, poised to respond to the smallest hint of a path. and i can feel the winds building in the distance.
i walked back to my room entirely ready for the day ahead (which turned out to be a complete crap of a day), and lay on my bed, my mind reeling and the galaxies sparkling behind my closed eyes.
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