Wednesday, February 09, 2005

" i am a bastard, subversive, and a fraud "

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disclaimer: everything holds a certain amount of truth; your beliefs extend to others at times.

dear m---,

you logged off before i could say anything in response. i knew you were mad, and rightly so. so this is what i was going to say when the day's workload came down upon me, which is also not an excuse:

i find that at times, i am wrong about a great many things.

the fact that love has eluded me does not mean that your particular version of it does not hold weight. i am thus horribly ashamed at myself and i feel it necessary to explain myself.

prove me wrong. do it.

let me be that example for the rest of our failed relationships; sad people walking the earth trying to feel out lost hope and speaking bitterness in segments.

be that one that says to the rest of the disbelievers 'here is be, following my heart with a full force, and nothing, not even you, will stand in my path.'

and who the fuck cares what i think?!

it's clearly obvious that i manipulate words to suit my own needs, but when someone else's needs come into play, i somehow come at a disconnect.

i am wrong about a great many things, including seeing the world through these damaged eyes. the tethers of my broken-loves past weigh heavy, and sometimes i don't come across as clearly as i would like to.

i see in you the renewed hope of promise, and that brings me solace and strength.

so i am apologizing to you; a sincere gesture to your blazon hopes. please do not misjudge what i may have to say to you, but, know that in this instance, i greatly wronged you and i am sorry.

love,

bay

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