" the {ex}ploration of wild beauty "

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disclaimer:

just so everyone knows, i know no one cares, and here i go anyways...just for release and spite-

does anyone think that i will ever be in a relationship ever? raise your hands. hmmm, hopeful yet dubious. a friend of mine recently broke me down in a matter of sentences, and it got me thinking.

what if the fact that i know what qualities i would like to see in a potential partner, keep me from seeing all the other people that only slightly fit near that template? i could (and am most often can) be described as a picky picky bastard, unable to find anyone near go-after-able.

i famously go after women that are obviously not right for me. i fall and long and desire and fixate and humble myself before these ones. and they don't even see me. they see this 'guy-friend' who's willing to take them shopping for taupe slingbacks.

i mean, i loves me some shopping, and love the opportunity to go shopping with a girl at the drop of a hat, but holy jeebus is that all i am to everyone? just some artistically-inclined asexual being, looking for some sort of friendly companionship; due to be 'the friend' and pathetic and brassy and underspoken and uninteresting-in-anything-resembling-a-romantic manner for the latter half of my twenties?

i am thus, wholly underappreciated and underused; the garden tool to the architect draftsperson, the snowglobe to the beekeeper, the sharper image desk lamp to the ballerina.

i know that i make myself and my personality as apparent as a white sheet in a blue field, but c'mon people~! they's gotta be some middle ground. some facet of reality where good people can pine after and get that which they desire the most. and while i'm on it, fuck the notion that i'm too nice.

all "too nice" means is that everyone else that one might find attractive, is nothing but an ill-mannered asshole muthafucka. and that ain't none too pretty in the long run. so what then?

there's something about it way past being 'the time,' and looking past the obviousness of a person. there's something about taking the risks, and not merely pondering the chances, the potential, or the perhaps-ness of a person.

although, i do feel really bad for the next girl that i like, who falls for me, because i'll spoil you rotten. not in a all-giving way, but in a completely reciprocal manner, whereby the inputs will be reflected back ten-fold and then some.

i'm going to be good to you, and supportive. and caring. and giving. and loyal. and all up into your shit in the best way. it's going to be mad scary, and i'll have had no qualms about my actions or reactions, and altogether no regrets.

tonight's homework:

give that "maybe" lady or dude the benefit of a doubt, and get all sloppy on them. if it pans out, i can guarantee that the next day will be the greatest day you've ever had, and with some of the best-ever blueberry pancakes to boot!!

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