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fill in the blank for me.
love, life, lovelife, semblance of normalcy tuned to my frequency, someone, something, maybe everything, maybe nothing can ever finish the statement.
there's something about looking inside yourself, seeing all of the weaknesses, residing in the deep core of your being. it's about knowing these weaknesses and working actively on facing them and excising them from your Self.
loneliness resounding in swirling revolutions, all-encompassing, throughout, in and through me, savage thoughts of loss. hopelessness amid smiles, and the inability to get to that place again. just the inability to rise above the level. so hard. returns to former days. regression. clutching onto everything that begs for release.
the irreplaceable memories of being calm in her life, and now being to the side and the friend. the friend, a friend, a perpetual friend to everyone. an ambiguous undesirable sexless conduit for advice, charm, truth, love, and devotion. and i cannot help myself but to be those things; permeable and water-soluble.
intense deconstruction. looking inside, outside, up and to the right, anywhere for something to help decipher this experience. it's maddening at times and completely overwhelming.
yet, always results in an intense calm. a relaxation like the deepest sleep. the sort of slumber that mountains have had, that the ocean floor has had, the quiet in the deepest thicket that the forests have had; infinitely vast and strong in their wide silence.
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