" the gray matter "

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i'm lying awake at two in the morning. the world spins on its tilted axis. your mind races through all the things you wanted to say, want to say, have to say, need to say.

and yet, somehow i'm sure that when the moment arises, i'll be slack-jawed, mouth open, as wide as the horizon from end to end, unable to speak my mind.

and the moment will pass fleetingly; a floating spectre of the most powerful persuasive conversation, never held.

i miss being hugged, held, kissed, and desired.

and so i lie awake at night, not sleeping, holding conversations in that stubborn brain of mine. unable to make sense of everything, and unable to keep my thoughts from ricocheting inside my mindspace.

there is a dog barking outside on the street, and it seems that that is the only thing that i can properly make sense of right now.

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