" messing with people, and how not to "

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i try to be a nice person.

there are times when i am angry, or selfish, or ill-tempered, and i happen to say things i don't mean. but those are those few and far between moments where i go into a blackout mode. my vision blurs and an inner animal comes out to play twisted games whereby i become a marionette, spewing out foul words, acting and reacting in an oddly crooked manner, and becoming not quite myself.

as i said, i try to be a nice person.

and i think i succeed. in fact i think everyone is entitled to make a mistake or three in their lifetimes. with matters of the heart, how can one properly navigate a relationship without stepping on the other persons toes once in a while; in a few hours the pain will subside and the massaging can take away any kept physio-emotional stresses. i mean, who wants to be with an @$$#*!# anyway right? i don't see what's gained by being outrightly mean. the "bad-boy" stigma might be enticing, but it's an empty vessel without an anchor.

to end today's thoughts then, i will share with you a personals' "what i am looking for" thingie from some random girl i found on the net. it's honest, a little sad in a cute way, and oddly interesting in a "what-happened-to-you-that-you-can-be-hurt-like-this-and-still-be-able-to-write-small-poetic-passages?" kind of way. i like people who say what they feel, and mean what they say. it just makes more sense that way, right?

so be kind to people.

be passionate, and loving; trusting and honest with yourself.

this is the way to really get to know people, and to let people get to know you.


the girl's passage:

ooh la la. i get a box to write in! i make/write for films and attend university. i play guitar (not well) and dance, am horrible at poker, and enjoy making my own clothing. a boy just broke my heart in two, so i'm not looking for anymore pain in my life... why, you and i could play a thousand games and dance for years and years. we could steal kisses like bandits, in the rain, under the moon, on the last frame of the photo-booth-picture-strip. we could bake cookies and eat them all before they cool. we could call each other just to say "i miss you" and leave notes in random places for ourselves to find when we're sad. we could live on love, and lust, and trust because there would be no betrayal. we could trace shapes on one another, all over our bodies near the steam and the candles and the hazy hazy evening shade. we could drive and drive until the sun went down and then sit on the hood of your car and watch the stars come out. we could swim in the blackest night water, and i wouldn't be scared because i'd know you'd always protect me from swamp monsters and bronto bites. we could do everything and nothing together, i bet. yeah, i bet you we could...

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