---
new years
a new year...the next year, possible fresh starts, and only inconstrast to the once fresh, do our faces and hopes light up so joyfully. but what the hell are we celebrating? is it the one time a year where we can claim a sense of social and personal amnesia, while making lists for change, that most will never follow. humans are creatures of convention and are almost always predictable. i mean, we sometimes surprise ourselves and each other with brash movements, bold statements, behavior, costumes, ecetera. but in all truth, what stops us from making a present change every day? every moment?
i thought that at least this year i might find some semblence of a relationship, but no. i thought that i'd find a job that i don't hate, but nope. i thought that perhaps i might be one of those persons that becomes the sought after party in a romantic summer entanglement, but no sir. and that's fine. do we create our own destiny, or is it charted out that for the number of people who are happy and showing it, there are also an equal number of depressed people and hiding it? but who can complain about reality existing how it does become true?
this new years' i plan to just try and exist in a manner more condusive to a personal happiness and the happiness of others. but is it this upcoming changeover where these once spoiled thoughts of old will now become more powerful and full of an unseen strength? one would hope so right?
up until two hours shy of the west coast midnght reverie, i will be at my work, perhaps slinging coffee to those few people who find it necessary to caffinate themselves, rather than be surrounded by friends and loved ones. i'll be somewhere inbetween. so where ever you are in the world, have a happy new years. welcome to tomorrow. what will you do this year?
---
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Saturday, December 27, 2003
"sooooo cold"
---
- sitting herein my sub terranean room, it seems as if i should have some heating apparatus of some sort, but no. so cold. it's like being encased in a freezer. there was frost on the rims of my windows this morning, and this is the east bay area! what the hell is going on?
global warming? sure.
freak winter coldness and rainstorms? sure.
or, is it an intergalactic elemental attack by the xan-poriah ixtar system of planets, coming to over throw the earth's population and accomplish it both subtley(sp.) and patiently.
oh yes, they're all waiting just beyond the borders of the asteroid belt, biding their time so that they will not arouse suspiscion or prematurely make themselves known to the three underground shadow governments who control the earths' affairs.
is this a reality? or do i really really need a heater?
tune in, next time, same cold time, same freezing your buttocks off channel.
---
- sitting herein my sub terranean room, it seems as if i should have some heating apparatus of some sort, but no. so cold. it's like being encased in a freezer. there was frost on the rims of my windows this morning, and this is the east bay area! what the hell is going on?
global warming? sure.
freak winter coldness and rainstorms? sure.
or, is it an intergalactic elemental attack by the xan-poriah ixtar system of planets, coming to over throw the earth's population and accomplish it both subtley(sp.) and patiently.
oh yes, they're all waiting just beyond the borders of the asteroid belt, biding their time so that they will not arouse suspiscion or prematurely make themselves known to the three underground shadow governments who control the earths' affairs.
is this a reality? or do i really really need a heater?
tune in, next time, same cold time, same freezing your buttocks off channel.
---
---
"well that, my friend, was interesting"
- last night i went to the Mallard, a local brasserie of sorts, and i saw there almost all of albany's past classes, ranging from it's most recently 21-year olds, to the class of 1996, and perhaps earlier than that also. needless to say there were many a person there that were of a surprise to mine eyes, thusly i had a fine time and an emotionally confusing one as well. how was i to feel? was i getting drunk enough to care? what does this all mean? maybe nothing, maybe everything. all in all, a sound xmas i suppose, although i mistook a lump of coal for a diamond.
the end.
---
"well that, my friend, was interesting"
- last night i went to the Mallard, a local brasserie of sorts, and i saw there almost all of albany's past classes, ranging from it's most recently 21-year olds, to the class of 1996, and perhaps earlier than that also. needless to say there were many a person there that were of a surprise to mine eyes, thusly i had a fine time and an emotionally confusing one as well. how was i to feel? was i getting drunk enough to care? what does this all mean? maybe nothing, maybe everything. all in all, a sound xmas i suppose, although i mistook a lump of coal for a diamond.
the end.
---
Monday, December 22, 2003
---
: christmas present :
walking around my living room at night, it seems that nothing is present. meaning nothing seems like it should. the lights are on the plastic tree, the room is bare and void of any christmas decorations, and yet hasn't it always been this way?
i remember when i was six or so, i tried to wait for santa clause to appear. i slept that night on the couch and just stared at the tree's softly glowing lights dim and reappear. there was a sort of lulling confort in that midnight hour that carries with it a memory.
even though the years my continue to add up, there's still that echo of that excitement in every christmas since. wherever you are or whatever your traditions, have a good one.
---
: christmas present :
walking around my living room at night, it seems that nothing is present. meaning nothing seems like it should. the lights are on the plastic tree, the room is bare and void of any christmas decorations, and yet hasn't it always been this way?
i remember when i was six or so, i tried to wait for santa clause to appear. i slept that night on the couch and just stared at the tree's softly glowing lights dim and reappear. there was a sort of lulling confort in that midnight hour that carries with it a memory.
even though the years my continue to add up, there's still that echo of that excitement in every christmas since. wherever you are or whatever your traditions, have a good one.
---
Saturday, December 20, 2003
---
"and you have to ask yourself if tomorrow will be any different."
the friend zone is getting really lonely. i mean, initiative aside, what the hell is going on here? do i have this big blinking neon sign on my heart that says "able to both be truthfully sincere, and completely unattractive(except when trying to describe a non-relationship sort of male friend)?"
if funny. i forget how i ever had girlfriends in the past. there seems to be this indescribable something that all of the women i am attracted to are seeking, and i have no clue at all what that is.
and in my 23rd year, it's seeming more and more apparent that nothing is changing any time soon, right? or is it? will it?
the year is drawing to another shifting, and i told myself that this year will have been my best year. even with all of the things i have done and the places i have visited, and all of the photographs i have taken, where is my chance at that elusive ism known as "some?"
maybe next year i will find that someone who thinks that i am worthy enough to take a chance on...
jeez what a sad sack of b.s. i am
i'm stopping before i get even more depressed with myself
good night all
---
"and you have to ask yourself if tomorrow will be any different."
the friend zone is getting really lonely. i mean, initiative aside, what the hell is going on here? do i have this big blinking neon sign on my heart that says "able to both be truthfully sincere, and completely unattractive(except when trying to describe a non-relationship sort of male friend)?"
if funny. i forget how i ever had girlfriends in the past. there seems to be this indescribable something that all of the women i am attracted to are seeking, and i have no clue at all what that is.
and in my 23rd year, it's seeming more and more apparent that nothing is changing any time soon, right? or is it? will it?
the year is drawing to another shifting, and i told myself that this year will have been my best year. even with all of the things i have done and the places i have visited, and all of the photographs i have taken, where is my chance at that elusive ism known as "some?"
maybe next year i will find that someone who thinks that i am worthy enough to take a chance on...
jeez what a sad sack of b.s. i am
i'm stopping before i get even more depressed with myself
good night all
---
Thursday, December 18, 2003
---
everyone's coming home for the holidays, just to turn around and leave again. what does this mean? should i get my hopes up? what do the holidays really mean then? an excuse to make short appearences in poeples' lives and then dink out to wherever else....
i suppose i only notice this phenomenae because i'm not going anywhere for the holidays and after they pass, i'll still be here.
i'm secretly planning to escape this pattern and exist somewhere else for the next 50 years. see if you can guess where, and you get a golden star.
(boof*)
----
everyone's coming home for the holidays, just to turn around and leave again. what does this mean? should i get my hopes up? what do the holidays really mean then? an excuse to make short appearences in poeples' lives and then dink out to wherever else....
i suppose i only notice this phenomenae because i'm not going anywhere for the holidays and after they pass, i'll still be here.
i'm secretly planning to escape this pattern and exist somewhere else for the next 50 years. see if you can guess where, and you get a golden star.
(boof*)
----
Monday, December 15, 2003
Friday, December 12, 2003
---
being sick gives you wierd dreams.
- i met greg in the parking lot of a building that changes geographical location...at one time, it was in cali, another, it was in NYC. i had to get back home so we went past this area of the building that used to be an art gallery, but now it was a hockey rink, and now we were playing ice hockey and one of these little kids scored. i traded cars with his, but his was in the dirt mounds. lickily it worked and i was on my way out of town and into a bart tunnel bridge time vortex where i ended up at SF state with becca silvers and we were going to go to her experimental art class with this proffessor that i had never talked to but i thought she taught statistics. we went up to her lockers and she had these 4 pans of various substances ranging from powders to liquids. i accidentally spilt some of this brown liquid into a pan of milk and her teacher said bravo (in the congratulatory way), because today we wee going to start to experiment with "monograms," or was it "monochromes?" in any case she started to describe to me that a monochrome was a substance that had one unique coloring quality, like coca cola or dyes or some sort of dark amber syrup. i told the profesor that was cool, but i had to go.
then i awoke from the dream and i was still sick.
---
being sick gives you wierd dreams.
- i met greg in the parking lot of a building that changes geographical location...at one time, it was in cali, another, it was in NYC. i had to get back home so we went past this area of the building that used to be an art gallery, but now it was a hockey rink, and now we were playing ice hockey and one of these little kids scored. i traded cars with his, but his was in the dirt mounds. lickily it worked and i was on my way out of town and into a bart tunnel bridge time vortex where i ended up at SF state with becca silvers and we were going to go to her experimental art class with this proffessor that i had never talked to but i thought she taught statistics. we went up to her lockers and she had these 4 pans of various substances ranging from powders to liquids. i accidentally spilt some of this brown liquid into a pan of milk and her teacher said bravo (in the congratulatory way), because today we wee going to start to experiment with "monograms," or was it "monochromes?" in any case she started to describe to me that a monochrome was a substance that had one unique coloring quality, like coca cola or dyes or some sort of dark amber syrup. i told the profesor that was cool, but i had to go.
then i awoke from the dream and i was still sick.
---
Thursday, December 11, 2003
---
it's in the way your body cold sweats, and fevers, and finds a new level of ache and pain.
when you awake twenty minutes before the sun and your nose is running away from you, while your throat is winning a dryness contest with the kalahari.
when your head feels like you're drunk and all of your body's energy is focused on your internal organs.
it begins your day very craptacularly, and then the sun comes over the horizon, only to be overwhelmed by the pouring rain...
and the sad song rolls on to the rythym of the beating drops.
---
it's in the way your body cold sweats, and fevers, and finds a new level of ache and pain.
when you awake twenty minutes before the sun and your nose is running away from you, while your throat is winning a dryness contest with the kalahari.
when your head feels like you're drunk and all of your body's energy is focused on your internal organs.
it begins your day very craptacularly, and then the sun comes over the horizon, only to be overwhelmed by the pouring rain...
and the sad song rolls on to the rythym of the beating drops.
---
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
---
it starts with a dry mouth,
parched lips,
crackle crackle wake up...
you notice your throats dry and sore,
the nasal passages raw and congested,
your body aches and you cannot quite pinpoint the way your body hurts.
it might be flu,
it might be a cold,
and all you can think is dammit,
why do i have to get out of bed at all today?
where's the meds?
---
it starts with a dry mouth,
parched lips,
crackle crackle wake up...
you notice your throats dry and sore,
the nasal passages raw and congested,
your body aches and you cannot quite pinpoint the way your body hurts.
it might be flu,
it might be a cold,
and all you can think is dammit,
why do i have to get out of bed at all today?
where's the meds?
---
Friday, December 05, 2003
---
i just came home from ushering a production of "babes in toyland," at the Richmond Civic Centre. the company was six people strong, putting on an hour-long show, and coming from philly. richmond, ca tries to put on at least 3-5 free shows of a varying artistic nature, so that the people of the community have the opportunity to have a wide range of the arts on display or experienced, that they might not usually have the chance to view. there's something very important going on, and here's an example of how slowly, change is inevitable.
---
i just came home from ushering a production of "babes in toyland," at the Richmond Civic Centre. the company was six people strong, putting on an hour-long show, and coming from philly. richmond, ca tries to put on at least 3-5 free shows of a varying artistic nature, so that the people of the community have the opportunity to have a wide range of the arts on display or experienced, that they might not usually have the chance to view. there's something very important going on, and here's an example of how slowly, change is inevitable.
---
Thursday, December 04, 2003
---
weederman23 (10:30:37 AM): hi hi
Daffie26 (10:30:47 AM): hello hello hello
weederman23 (10:31:09 AM): howreyou?
Daffie26 (10:31:46 AM): good.
Daffie26 (10:31:49 AM): working and working
Daffie26 (10:31:56 AM): both in the homework way and in the office kind of way
Daffie26 (10:31:59 AM): how areyou?
weederman23 (10:32:27 AM): tired
Daffie26 (10:32:33 AM): why sir
weederman23 (10:32:47 AM): lrgistics
weederman23 (10:32:53 AM): legistics
Daffie26 (10:33:26 AM): logistics
Daffie26 (10:33:34 AM): ?
weederman23 (10:33:47 AM): log cabin maple syrup
weederman23 (10:34:18 AM): i don't know
Daffie26 (10:34:22 AM): what are these words you are telling me?
weederman23 (10:34:27 AM): it's the morning
weederman23 (10:34:28 AM): lol
weederman23 (10:34:32 AM): i apologize
Daffie26 (10:34:35 AM): :-)
weederman23 (10:34:43 AM): with silver dollar pannnekkokur
Daffie26 (10:34:49 AM): actually it's 1:34 in the PM. I have been up since 8am.
weederman23 (10:34:50 AM): that's pankakes in icelandic
weederman23 (10:34:54 AM): oh man
Daffie26 (10:34:54 AM): wow
Daffie26 (10:35:14 AM): so are you eating pancakes?
weederman23 (10:35:19 AM): golly i wish
Daffie26 (10:35:42 AM): so why are you telling me about pancakes?
Daffie26 (10:35:44 AM): do you want some?
weederman23 (10:35:49 AM): yes please
weederman23 (10:36:01 AM): but i think that you being in the nyc is a hard sell
Daffie26 (10:36:04 AM): i'm sure you can find some on eBay
Daffie26 (10:36:14 AM): a hard sell?
weederman23 (10:36:17 AM): or ebreakfast
Daffie26 (10:36:23 AM): YEAH!
Daffie26 (10:36:31 AM): what are you doing today?
weederman23 (10:36:34 AM): like how could you possibly promise me some pankakes over the net
weederman23 (10:36:38 AM): it's just plain wrong
weederman23 (10:36:52 AM): i am going to meet a woman in the haight district and purchase some paper
weederman23 (10:36:54 AM): photo paper
weederman23 (10:37:04 AM): i answered an ad on craigslist
Daffie26 (10:37:20 AM): a 'woman' huh?
Daffie26 (10:37:23 AM): or a WOMAN?
Daffie26 (10:37:33 AM): what does she really want from you?'
Daffie26 (10:37:39 AM): or what do you really want from her?
weederman23 (10:38:05 AM): yes, i hope so, my money, photo paper
Daffie26 (10:38:17 AM): interesting
weederman23 (10:38:17 AM): in that order per your questioning
weederman23 (10:38:19 AM): lol
Daffie26 (10:38:23 AM): very interesting
Daffie26 (10:38:35 AM): what was the last thing you ate?
weederman23 (10:39:58 AM): japanese rice, some thai style beef jerky, homemade miso soup, two bananas, a glass of n/f milk, some rice krispy treats, two twix bars, and two newcastle beers
weederman23 (10:40:04 AM): nothing this morning
weederman23 (10:40:05 AM): yet
Daffie26 (10:40:19 AM): sounds spectacular
Daffie26 (10:40:23 AM): what will you be eating today?
weederman23 (10:40:29 AM): it was in small portions
weederman23 (10:40:31 AM): hmmm
weederman23 (10:41:23 AM): i'm hoping to recreate the rice/beef dish for breakfast, but if not, i plan to put together a toasted butter croissant/cream cheese/smoked salmon combo-type breakfast sandwich
weederman23 (10:41:36 AM): that or nothing, which is becoming the norm for me
Daffie26 (10:41:37 AM): WOW
weederman23 (10:41:45 AM): wow?
Daffie26 (10:41:46 AM): i hardly ever eat breakfast
weederman23 (10:41:52 AM): me neither
Daffie26 (10:42:01 AM): it just sounds complex
weederman23 (10:42:06 AM): it's a rare dish, if you will
Daffie26 (10:42:21 AM): no, you are a rare dress! i mean dish.
weederman23 (10:42:26 AM): complex in the preparation of it, but the meal is small and inconsequential
weederman23 (10:42:31 AM): i'm a rare dress?
Daffie26 (10:42:58 AM): yes. you are burgundy.
weederman23 (10:43:02 AM): hmmm
weederman23 (10:43:06 AM): i can see that
Daffie26 (10:43:10 AM): certainly not your ordinary black dress.
weederman23 (10:43:27 AM): understood
Daffie26 (10:44:08 AM): anything exciting coming up for you?
weederman23 (10:44:25 AM): like in what way?
Daffie26 (10:44:36 AM): like
Daffie26 (10:44:44 AM): what are you looking forward to right NOW?
weederman23 (10:46:37 AM): well, getting this paper, then trying to print something fantabulous on it, seeking a different job opportunity(whether in photo or film, preferably film production of some sort though not in LA just yet), focusing on my creative abilities and coming up with a "package" or "press kit" i fyou will, of my strengths as an artist and a maker, finding work based on that, and then sucess in whatever form that deems fit
weederman23 (10:46:53 AM): that's pretty much what my mind is on right now
Daffie26 (10:47:21 AM): neat
Daffie26 (10:49:34 AM): go for the gold baybay!
Daffie26 (10:49:42 AM): get it? baby=baybay
Daffie26 (10:49:44 AM): HAHA
Daffie26 (10:49:47 AM): erm.
weederman23 (10:49:50 AM): i understand
weederman23 wants to directly connect (10:49:58 AM).
weederman23 cancels request; no connection was made (10:50:03 AM).
weederman23 (10:50:21 AM): i just remembered that we had some difficulty sending eachother pics
weederman23 (10:50:24 AM): or did we?
Daffie26 (10:50:30 AM): are you doing anything exciting this winter?
Daffie26 (10:50:41 AM): i'm at work, so I'd have to demand you filter what you send me
weederman23 (10:50:51 AM): nothing exciting
weederman23 (10:51:01 AM): trying to round up people to take photos of
weederman23 (10:51:08 AM): everyone seems to be busy though
weederman23 (10:51:15 AM): it's a tough gig
weederman23 wants to directly connect (10:51:16 AM).
Daffie26 ignores request; no connection was made (10:51:17 AM).
weederman23 wants to directly connect (10:51:20 AM).
Daffie26 is now directly connected (10:51:26 AM).
---
weederman23 (10:30:37 AM): hi hi
Daffie26 (10:30:47 AM): hello hello hello
weederman23 (10:31:09 AM): howreyou?
Daffie26 (10:31:46 AM): good.
Daffie26 (10:31:49 AM): working and working
Daffie26 (10:31:56 AM): both in the homework way and in the office kind of way
Daffie26 (10:31:59 AM): how areyou?
weederman23 (10:32:27 AM): tired
Daffie26 (10:32:33 AM): why sir
weederman23 (10:32:47 AM): lrgistics
weederman23 (10:32:53 AM): legistics
Daffie26 (10:33:26 AM): logistics
Daffie26 (10:33:34 AM): ?
weederman23 (10:33:47 AM): log cabin maple syrup
weederman23 (10:34:18 AM): i don't know
Daffie26 (10:34:22 AM): what are these words you are telling me?
weederman23 (10:34:27 AM): it's the morning
weederman23 (10:34:28 AM): lol
weederman23 (10:34:32 AM): i apologize
Daffie26 (10:34:35 AM): :-)
weederman23 (10:34:43 AM): with silver dollar pannnekkokur
Daffie26 (10:34:49 AM): actually it's 1:34 in the PM. I have been up since 8am.
weederman23 (10:34:50 AM): that's pankakes in icelandic
weederman23 (10:34:54 AM): oh man
Daffie26 (10:34:54 AM): wow
Daffie26 (10:35:14 AM): so are you eating pancakes?
weederman23 (10:35:19 AM): golly i wish
Daffie26 (10:35:42 AM): so why are you telling me about pancakes?
Daffie26 (10:35:44 AM): do you want some?
weederman23 (10:35:49 AM): yes please
weederman23 (10:36:01 AM): but i think that you being in the nyc is a hard sell
Daffie26 (10:36:04 AM): i'm sure you can find some on eBay
Daffie26 (10:36:14 AM): a hard sell?
weederman23 (10:36:17 AM): or ebreakfast
Daffie26 (10:36:23 AM): YEAH!
Daffie26 (10:36:31 AM): what are you doing today?
weederman23 (10:36:34 AM): like how could you possibly promise me some pankakes over the net
weederman23 (10:36:38 AM): it's just plain wrong
weederman23 (10:36:52 AM): i am going to meet a woman in the haight district and purchase some paper
weederman23 (10:36:54 AM): photo paper
weederman23 (10:37:04 AM): i answered an ad on craigslist
Daffie26 (10:37:20 AM): a 'woman' huh?
Daffie26 (10:37:23 AM): or a WOMAN?
Daffie26 (10:37:33 AM): what does she really want from you?'
Daffie26 (10:37:39 AM): or what do you really want from her?
weederman23 (10:38:05 AM): yes, i hope so, my money, photo paper
Daffie26 (10:38:17 AM): interesting
weederman23 (10:38:17 AM): in that order per your questioning
weederman23 (10:38:19 AM): lol
Daffie26 (10:38:23 AM): very interesting
Daffie26 (10:38:35 AM): what was the last thing you ate?
weederman23 (10:39:58 AM): japanese rice, some thai style beef jerky, homemade miso soup, two bananas, a glass of n/f milk, some rice krispy treats, two twix bars, and two newcastle beers
weederman23 (10:40:04 AM): nothing this morning
weederman23 (10:40:05 AM): yet
Daffie26 (10:40:19 AM): sounds spectacular
Daffie26 (10:40:23 AM): what will you be eating today?
weederman23 (10:40:29 AM): it was in small portions
weederman23 (10:40:31 AM): hmmm
weederman23 (10:41:23 AM): i'm hoping to recreate the rice/beef dish for breakfast, but if not, i plan to put together a toasted butter croissant/cream cheese/smoked salmon combo-type breakfast sandwich
weederman23 (10:41:36 AM): that or nothing, which is becoming the norm for me
Daffie26 (10:41:37 AM): WOW
weederman23 (10:41:45 AM): wow?
Daffie26 (10:41:46 AM): i hardly ever eat breakfast
weederman23 (10:41:52 AM): me neither
Daffie26 (10:42:01 AM): it just sounds complex
weederman23 (10:42:06 AM): it's a rare dish, if you will
Daffie26 (10:42:21 AM): no, you are a rare dress! i mean dish.
weederman23 (10:42:26 AM): complex in the preparation of it, but the meal is small and inconsequential
weederman23 (10:42:31 AM): i'm a rare dress?
Daffie26 (10:42:58 AM): yes. you are burgundy.
weederman23 (10:43:02 AM): hmmm
weederman23 (10:43:06 AM): i can see that
Daffie26 (10:43:10 AM): certainly not your ordinary black dress.
weederman23 (10:43:27 AM): understood
Daffie26 (10:44:08 AM): anything exciting coming up for you?
weederman23 (10:44:25 AM): like in what way?
Daffie26 (10:44:36 AM): like
Daffie26 (10:44:44 AM): what are you looking forward to right NOW?
weederman23 (10:46:37 AM): well, getting this paper, then trying to print something fantabulous on it, seeking a different job opportunity(whether in photo or film, preferably film production of some sort though not in LA just yet), focusing on my creative abilities and coming up with a "package" or "press kit" i fyou will, of my strengths as an artist and a maker, finding work based on that, and then sucess in whatever form that deems fit
weederman23 (10:46:53 AM): that's pretty much what my mind is on right now
Daffie26 (10:47:21 AM): neat
Daffie26 (10:49:34 AM): go for the gold baybay!
Daffie26 (10:49:42 AM): get it? baby=baybay
Daffie26 (10:49:44 AM): HAHA
Daffie26 (10:49:47 AM): erm.
weederman23 (10:49:50 AM): i understand
weederman23 wants to directly connect (10:49:58 AM).
weederman23 cancels request; no connection was made (10:50:03 AM).
weederman23 (10:50:21 AM): i just remembered that we had some difficulty sending eachother pics
weederman23 (10:50:24 AM): or did we?
Daffie26 (10:50:30 AM): are you doing anything exciting this winter?
Daffie26 (10:50:41 AM): i'm at work, so I'd have to demand you filter what you send me
weederman23 (10:50:51 AM): nothing exciting
weederman23 (10:51:01 AM): trying to round up people to take photos of
weederman23 (10:51:08 AM): everyone seems to be busy though
weederman23 (10:51:15 AM): it's a tough gig
weederman23 wants to directly connect (10:51:16 AM).
Daffie26 ignores request; no connection was made (10:51:17 AM).
weederman23 wants to directly connect (10:51:20 AM).
Daffie26 is now directly connected (10:51:26 AM).
---
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
---
"the converse"
and you begin to realize that nearing to the end of the night, you've had a shit day.
you wake up too early, moments before ther alarm buzzes. you go to work late because of rain and traffic and lazy musculature. there are crazy people who demand unruly things from you and walk into the kitchen asking if you're going to come out soon. what the hell are you doing here??? there are moments when you realize that the sun is setting in the sky, and you've seen it rising. there's something about seeing both the sun rise and set that just doesn't do it for me.
whatever happened to you today, i hope that you ate something and did at least one thing that was bebeficial to maintaining your sanity.
blatz*
---
"the converse"
and you begin to realize that nearing to the end of the night, you've had a shit day.
you wake up too early, moments before ther alarm buzzes. you go to work late because of rain and traffic and lazy musculature. there are crazy people who demand unruly things from you and walk into the kitchen asking if you're going to come out soon. what the hell are you doing here??? there are moments when you realize that the sun is setting in the sky, and you've seen it rising. there's something about seeing both the sun rise and set that just doesn't do it for me.
whatever happened to you today, i hope that you ate something and did at least one thing that was bebeficial to maintaining your sanity.
blatz*
---
Sunday, November 30, 2003
---
and you begin to realize that nearing to the end of the night, you've had a great day.
you get stuff done, things have been accomplished and you've had good times with your friends. there's something about just having a succession of beautiful moments with people you care about, or touching base with folks you might've not seen in a few years, that puts your life in a sort of micro-perspective.
whatever happened to you last night, i hope you ended up in your bed safely and happily.
poofy*
---
and you begin to realize that nearing to the end of the night, you've had a great day.
you get stuff done, things have been accomplished and you've had good times with your friends. there's something about just having a succession of beautiful moments with people you care about, or touching base with folks you might've not seen in a few years, that puts your life in a sort of micro-perspective.
whatever happened to you last night, i hope you ended up in your bed safely and happily.
poofy*
---
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
: ancient lovers on the coasts:
a raging swell which
above all is intimacy
sets me adrift beyond the borders of
all of the world
of which I know.
a deep opening that
comes manifest among
those who would hold such a jewel
close to their bodies
which lay agape
and diagonal.
-
- c. bay milin –
- 11.26.03 –
a raging swell which
above all is intimacy
sets me adrift beyond the borders of
all of the world
of which I know.
a deep opening that
comes manifest among
those who would hold such a jewel
close to their bodies
which lay agape
and diagonal.
-
- c. bay milin –
- 11.26.03 –
---
BESHY: everything ok
BESHY: ?
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: did you read my blog?
weederman23: i had kinda of a c- day
BESHY: not today
BESHY: but you sound like you did
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: i want so much to have good days and be positive and confident and express those feelings out into my reality
weederman23: but i regress usually to what i have not as the dominant thoughts, rather than the what-haves
weederman23: it's a frustratingly dismal process; this getting towards bliss
BESHY: hmmm
weederman23: yes.
weederman23: hmmm indeed
weederman23: i find myself thinking that i might be more fun in general to work with or alongside of, than to be with or around
weederman23: and sometimes i forget how unapealing that is to other people
---
BESHY: everything ok
BESHY: ?
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: did you read my blog?
weederman23: i had kinda of a c- day
BESHY: not today
BESHY: but you sound like you did
weederman23: yeah
weederman23: i want so much to have good days and be positive and confident and express those feelings out into my reality
weederman23: but i regress usually to what i have not as the dominant thoughts, rather than the what-haves
weederman23: it's a frustratingly dismal process; this getting towards bliss
BESHY: hmmm
weederman23: yes.
weederman23: hmmm indeed
weederman23: i find myself thinking that i might be more fun in general to work with or alongside of, than to be with or around
weederman23: and sometimes i forget how unapealing that is to other people
---
---
:a little each day:
grin and bare it
you can take it
it cuts, twists, wrenches, binds suffocates
the inward glances
the formation of reality within unreal personal desires
i am lost
and where i am i do not know
where the exit is
there is no green sign
showing me the way out
of this theatre
and i'm all out of jujubees.
c. bay milin
:a little each day:
grin and bare it
you can take it
it cuts, twists, wrenches, binds suffocates
the inward glances
the formation of reality within unreal personal desires
i am lost
and where i am i do not know
where the exit is
there is no green sign
showing me the way out
of this theatre
and i'm all out of jujubees.
c. bay milin
Monday, November 24, 2003
---
i like feet. i won't lie. there's something about those little piglets, when all cleaned and pampered. so what if they're a tad crooked or the second toe is a smidge longer than the big toe...it's a preference, not a perversion. i like smooth, tanned, healthy feet. i like uma thurman's chubby left ring toe; i like feet walking on my back, and i love the sound of feet intermingling under sheets.
this is fact and whatever you may think, feet are hot.
this is of course discounting corns, bunions, and fools that just don't wash. cause that be nathsty yeahh.
whatever...
bay
---
i like feet. i won't lie. there's something about those little piglets, when all cleaned and pampered. so what if they're a tad crooked or the second toe is a smidge longer than the big toe...it's a preference, not a perversion. i like smooth, tanned, healthy feet. i like uma thurman's chubby left ring toe; i like feet walking on my back, and i love the sound of feet intermingling under sheets.
this is fact and whatever you may think, feet are hot.
this is of course discounting corns, bunions, and fools that just don't wash. cause that be nathsty yeahh.
whatever...
bay
---
Thursday, November 20, 2003
---
i went to the war memorial opera house tonight; a sort of re-introduction if you will, to the hoity toity SF opera community. the production was of Don Carlos, by Verdi, the less popularly staged frech-language version.
and then there she was; the embodiment of exactly the sort of lady that just does it for me. she was but 10 feet away from me and i couldn't move or do anything or say a word. those are the moments that define my life. will you take that risk?
in fact, she looked too much like every girl that has hurt me before, and yet i ligered in the doorway and looked on. and then it became too late; the bells rang throughout the lobby, the house lights dimmed, and the moment had passed.
---
i went to the war memorial opera house tonight; a sort of re-introduction if you will, to the hoity toity SF opera community. the production was of Don Carlos, by Verdi, the less popularly staged frech-language version.
and then there she was; the embodiment of exactly the sort of lady that just does it for me. she was but 10 feet away from me and i couldn't move or do anything or say a word. those are the moments that define my life. will you take that risk?
in fact, she looked too much like every girl that has hurt me before, and yet i ligered in the doorway and looked on. and then it became too late; the bells rang throughout the lobby, the house lights dimmed, and the moment had passed.
---
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
---
"nope, no clue..."
sometimes i have no clue at all
i sit and think like a stumped stump, sitting in a forest
i walk on empty paths
i run in vast expanses of nothing
and still i find no way out
still hurts? why not?
where's the manuals, where are these rules, where are these multitudes of
ladies in waiting,
waiting for a boy like me, waiting for what i have to offer, waiting
always waiting in silence?
sometimes i have no clue at all
and how just one word could change melancholy
into a bright star glowing ever.
-c. bay milin-
---
"nope, no clue..."
sometimes i have no clue at all
i sit and think like a stumped stump, sitting in a forest
i walk on empty paths
i run in vast expanses of nothing
and still i find no way out
still hurts? why not?
where's the manuals, where are these rules, where are these multitudes of
ladies in waiting,
waiting for a boy like me, waiting for what i have to offer, waiting
always waiting in silence?
sometimes i have no clue at all
and how just one word could change melancholy
into a bright star glowing ever.
-c. bay milin-
---
Sunday, November 16, 2003
---
and all at once you find yourself wholey optimisitic. as if a bright and encompassingly overwhelming rush of gleaming light surrounds your body and exhumes all fear and frustration. it's a soul cleansing flip-of-the-switch that illuminates.
for some reason i have as of the past couple years, plagued with bouts of inner-termoil and outward false happiness. today i actually feel the same on the inside as i present on the outside. it's no change to everyone else, but the inexplicable differences are euphoric and intense.
what the hell is going on? is this what other people are feeling all the time? it's time to look ahead and do it...
bay
ps-to all the couples who make out in airport telephone stalls, get a god damn room for real!
---
and all at once you find yourself wholey optimisitic. as if a bright and encompassingly overwhelming rush of gleaming light surrounds your body and exhumes all fear and frustration. it's a soul cleansing flip-of-the-switch that illuminates.
for some reason i have as of the past couple years, plagued with bouts of inner-termoil and outward false happiness. today i actually feel the same on the inside as i present on the outside. it's no change to everyone else, but the inexplicable differences are euphoric and intense.
what the hell is going on? is this what other people are feeling all the time? it's time to look ahead and do it...
bay
ps-to all the couples who make out in airport telephone stalls, get a god damn room for real!
---
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
---
you come home and your life starts to take on a new shape; it's reeling and readjusting to the familiar and the slight changes around.
i went back to my crap job yesterday at A CUPPA TEA, and the place was the same; the same it has and had always been, but it looked bigger. the lights were fixed, the customers different, the food still scary and the work the exact same. it is now i, who am different amongst the settings that were so normalized.
and of course this is the nature of returning back to a place where you have spent so much time; the nature of returning, the nature of coming back to and what not. so how fantastic is it to think that in light of a life-shifting journey, you could indeed make drastic positive and sweeping changes to your own existance?
i'm going to work on it, and get back to you later...
----
you come home and your life starts to take on a new shape; it's reeling and readjusting to the familiar and the slight changes around.
i went back to my crap job yesterday at A CUPPA TEA, and the place was the same; the same it has and had always been, but it looked bigger. the lights were fixed, the customers different, the food still scary and the work the exact same. it is now i, who am different amongst the settings that were so normalized.
and of course this is the nature of returning back to a place where you have spent so much time; the nature of returning, the nature of coming back to and what not. so how fantastic is it to think that in light of a life-shifting journey, you could indeed make drastic positive and sweeping changes to your own existance?
i'm going to work on it, and get back to you later...
----
Sunday, November 09, 2003
---
so here i am, the third leg today.
i'm waiting for my flight out of boston mass @ logan airport. this morning i got up at gentry's dad's house in oceanside, long island, NY. then caught the LIRR (long island rail road) to Penn Station, caught a cab to the budjet 10 dollar bus from chinatown NYC to chinatown BOS. then caught the orangeline from there to the blue line. since i was 4 hours before schedule...i took a leisurely train ride to Wonderland, the end-of-the-line stop on the outbound blue T. i sat there for about an hour and just luxuriated in the sun, beachside, and concluded my trip.
so here i am thus come to the airport then thusly. big up to my east coast peeps: newly moved-in petur and kali, becca my true anchor, kasia's parents the saviors in beverly mass., corrie the boston brawler ballerina, and gentry the bi-coastal theater sage ingenue. what a crazy adventure i've had. home to dallas to iceland to boston to beverly to the NYC to long island to boston to home soon...i hope everyone is doing well and i miss e'yone soooo much. anyone who can, meet me at the 'tross and i'll gang you on a game of diggity darts. peas from the east.
boom bap boom boom bap bay
----
so here i am, the third leg today.
i'm waiting for my flight out of boston mass @ logan airport. this morning i got up at gentry's dad's house in oceanside, long island, NY. then caught the LIRR (long island rail road) to Penn Station, caught a cab to the budjet 10 dollar bus from chinatown NYC to chinatown BOS. then caught the orangeline from there to the blue line. since i was 4 hours before schedule...i took a leisurely train ride to Wonderland, the end-of-the-line stop on the outbound blue T. i sat there for about an hour and just luxuriated in the sun, beachside, and concluded my trip.
so here i am thus come to the airport then thusly. big up to my east coast peeps: newly moved-in petur and kali, becca my true anchor, kasia's parents the saviors in beverly mass., corrie the boston brawler ballerina, and gentry the bi-coastal theater sage ingenue. what a crazy adventure i've had. home to dallas to iceland to boston to beverly to the NYC to long island to boston to home soon...i hope everyone is doing well and i miss e'yone soooo much. anyone who can, meet me at the 'tross and i'll gang you on a game of diggity darts. peas from the east.
boom bap boom boom bap bay
----
Thursday, November 06, 2003
my legs hurt something fierce; as to a sledgehammer upon the legs...
----
so yeah,
i am in th N-Y-C. i love it here. i could live here and
thrive. i almost had a photogasm walking in chinatown
a coupla days ago. everything is so
urbandecayrawcitified here and i almost am out of film.
the weather is still shify here, but the tone is filled with a
vibrant frequency, and there are so many more people
here. i could see how daunting having a life here would
be; the rush of workers and the yellow sea of cabbies
swerving and intersecting. yet at the same time it is
always "on."
there is something going on everywhere, and that
alone is very inspiring. i cannot walk two inches without
getting that 6-year old giddy rush in my body. it's a
sensation that i have searched far to pinpoint, and look
at what happened when i just shift myself a tad.
it's nice to feel the poetry of every moment passing
through your soul...
...i almost forgot what that felt like.
----
so yeah,
i am in th N-Y-C. i love it here. i could live here and
thrive. i almost had a photogasm walking in chinatown
a coupla days ago. everything is so
urbandecayrawcitified here and i almost am out of film.
the weather is still shify here, but the tone is filled with a
vibrant frequency, and there are so many more people
here. i could see how daunting having a life here would
be; the rush of workers and the yellow sea of cabbies
swerving and intersecting. yet at the same time it is
always "on."
there is something going on everywhere, and that
alone is very inspiring. i cannot walk two inches without
getting that 6-year old giddy rush in my body. it's a
sensation that i have searched far to pinpoint, and look
at what happened when i just shift myself a tad.
it's nice to feel the poetry of every moment passing
through your soul...
...i almost forgot what that felt like.
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
----
so yeah,
i am in the N-Y-C. i love it here. i could live here and thrive. i almost had a photogasm walking in chinatown a coupla days ago. everything is so urbandecayrawcitified here and i almost am out of film.
the weather is still shify here, but the tone is filled with a vibrant frequency, and there are so many more people here. i could see how daunting having a life here would be; the rush of workers and the yellow sea of cabbies swerving and intersecting. yet at the same time it is always "on."
there is something going on everywhere, and that alone is very inspiring. i cannot walk two inches without getting that 6-year old giddy rush in my body. it's a sensation that i have searched far to pinpoint, and look at what happened when i just shift myself a tad.
it's nice to feel the poetry of every moment passing through your soul...
...i almost forgot what that felt like.
----
so yeah,
i am in the N-Y-C. i love it here. i could live here and thrive. i almost had a photogasm walking in chinatown a coupla days ago. everything is so urbandecayrawcitified here and i almost am out of film.
the weather is still shify here, but the tone is filled with a vibrant frequency, and there are so many more people here. i could see how daunting having a life here would be; the rush of workers and the yellow sea of cabbies swerving and intersecting. yet at the same time it is always "on."
there is something going on everywhere, and that alone is very inspiring. i cannot walk two inches without getting that 6-year old giddy rush in my body. it's a sensation that i have searched far to pinpoint, and look at what happened when i just shift myself a tad.
it's nice to feel the poetry of every moment passing through your soul...
...i almost forgot what that felt like.
----
----
so yeah,
i am in th N-Y-C. i love it here. i could live here and thrive. i almost had a photogasm walking in chinatown a coupla days ago. everything is so urbandecayrawcitified here and i almost am out of film.
the weather is still shify here, but the tone is filled with a vibrant frequency, and there are so many more people here. i could see how daunting having a life here would be; the rush of workers and the yellow sea of cabbies swerving and intersecting. yet at the same time it is always "on."
there is something going on everywhere, and that alone is very inspiring. i cannot walk two inches without getting that 6-year old giddy rush in my body. it's a sensation that i have searched far to pinpoint, and look at what happened when i just shift myself a tad.
it's nice to feel the poetry of every moment passing through your soul...
...i almost forgot what that felt like.
----
so yeah,
i am in th N-Y-C. i love it here. i could live here and thrive. i almost had a photogasm walking in chinatown a coupla days ago. everything is so urbandecayrawcitified here and i almost am out of film.
the weather is still shify here, but the tone is filled with a vibrant frequency, and there are so many more people here. i could see how daunting having a life here would be; the rush of workers and the yellow sea of cabbies swerving and intersecting. yet at the same time it is always "on."
there is something going on everywhere, and that alone is very inspiring. i cannot walk two inches without getting that 6-year old giddy rush in my body. it's a sensation that i have searched far to pinpoint, and look at what happened when i just shift myself a tad.
it's nice to feel the poetry of every moment passing through your soul...
...i almost forgot what that felt like.
----
Saturday, November 01, 2003
: i am here, here i am...:
well, i'm back. yes i am. i am here in boston, mass. it's funny you know? the way your environment shifts all of the time; the way that people look at you on the street changes with that shift; the smells, the colors, the landscapes and the textures of places.
you should see the foliage here in beverly (16 miles from boston), it's glorious unbridled, lustlfully lush, swaying in a fall dreamery spectrum afternoon, new england clear skies blissful warm comforting oceanside mellow calm.
i almost forgot where i was. being here from being there, it hits me almost three or four times a second," i am not there anymore and i can feel it." it runs through my bones and passes through my porous skin. i am here. i exist. but to a dreamed state...this is real, and i have arrived yet again at a place unfamiliar, but as real as any place. this sense of wonder is the result of a good travel.
get on your horses, we're riding.
-------
well, i'm back. yes i am. i am here in boston, mass. it's funny you know? the way your environment shifts all of the time; the way that people look at you on the street changes with that shift; the smells, the colors, the landscapes and the textures of places.
you should see the foliage here in beverly (16 miles from boston), it's glorious unbridled, lustlfully lush, swaying in a fall dreamery spectrum afternoon, new england clear skies blissful warm comforting oceanside mellow calm.
i almost forgot where i was. being here from being there, it hits me almost three or four times a second," i am not there anymore and i can feel it." it runs through my bones and passes through my porous skin. i am here. i exist. but to a dreamed state...this is real, and i have arrived yet again at a place unfamiliar, but as real as any place. this sense of wonder is the result of a good travel.
get on your horses, we're riding.
-------
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
on my way back...
the question being thus:
can i return home ? will i be the same and will my life be the same? do i want it to be like it was before? with all that i´ve seen and shared and learned and smelled and eaten and loved.
going home then, will be an excercise in that activity of readjusting to the excess and banality of the american consumer culture. true that it is also very consumeristic and expensive to exist here iniceland, but there is a sense of non-class-ness, health awareness, energy conservation, and family ties that rise above positively hovering over any of the more noticable negative aspects.
i want to stay. i want to leave. i want to travel. i want to go home. i never want to return home ever again.
life is a series of events that seem to get more and more complex as the days pass through me. i hope that i can stay aware and adrift, because it´s too fun to be sleeping the days away. gotta get moving....
bay
big ups to my man petur for putting up with all my manias. good luck in the NYC.
the question being thus:
can i return home ? will i be the same and will my life be the same? do i want it to be like it was before? with all that i´ve seen and shared and learned and smelled and eaten and loved.
going home then, will be an excercise in that activity of readjusting to the excess and banality of the american consumer culture. true that it is also very consumeristic and expensive to exist here iniceland, but there is a sense of non-class-ness, health awareness, energy conservation, and family ties that rise above positively hovering over any of the more noticable negative aspects.
i want to stay. i want to leave. i want to travel. i want to go home. i never want to return home ever again.
life is a series of events that seem to get more and more complex as the days pass through me. i hope that i can stay aware and adrift, because it´s too fun to be sleeping the days away. gotta get moving....
bay
big ups to my man petur for putting up with all my manias. good luck in the NYC.
Saturday, October 25, 2003
you know that there is a higher power working in all things, when you are in iceland and you have really nothing to do at 10:40pm and the matrix decides to meander onto icelandic television. they don´t cut the movie at all, they don´t bleep out or re-record over the swears. there is nothing better than a basic television station playing a kickass flick in its entirety, and being able to not have to break the flow of it with commercials selling crap that i won´t buy anyways.
i love iceland
ÖÖÖÖÖÖ
i love iceland
ÖÖÖÖÖÖ
Friday, October 24, 2003
my back hurts. in fact it hurts all day everyday. it must be the sleeping position i´ve chosen, the softness or the hardness of my bed of choice, or the way that my spine is in constant grapples with gravity and its forever pull towards the center of the earth. in any case, however, my back has seen better mornings, afternoons, siestas, and nights.
where is the relief? where are all of the answers? how does one better him or herself, if there is no other viable savior other than the internet? is this the way life is evoving towards? who is to say that it will replace the simple replies of people, face-to-face?
to my back, as i am in an icelandic school internet facility, there are two women talking in spanish. i love the fact that one is spanish speaking and the other is icelandic. this simple exchange gives me hope for the future and reaffirms how less i think of america at times. travelling is fun.
maybe tonight i´ll sleep on the floor.
------
where is the relief? where are all of the answers? how does one better him or herself, if there is no other viable savior other than the internet? is this the way life is evoving towards? who is to say that it will replace the simple replies of people, face-to-face?
to my back, as i am in an icelandic school internet facility, there are two women talking in spanish. i love the fact that one is spanish speaking and the other is icelandic. this simple exchange gives me hope for the future and reaffirms how less i think of america at times. travelling is fun.
maybe tonight i´ll sleep on the floor.
------
Monday, October 20, 2003
icelandic tripitty triznip:
if ever the chance arises, i greatly support a six-day road trip around the island/country of iceland. bring a friend, a reliable car with all terrain wheels, a crapload of film, food that won't spoil, and a ton of expectations.
petur and i just returned from our trip and are back in reykjavik. isn´t it crazy to think that you exist where you are all the time. there is no escape. no matter where you are, there you are. i found myself so humbled by the temporary aspect of my lifespan on this trip within a trip. the breathtaking views, the glaciers, the icelandic horses roaming free in the countryside, and all of the natural oddities and unique formations that color and augment the vast elemental beauty of the island.
i had a great time, and hope that everyone, sometime in the span of their existence on this rock, get the chance to do this...it´s so worth it......especially if you have a friend who can speak icelandic.
biggity baynard to the boogity bee
ps yáll, if you happen to sleep in your car at an esso gas station in the outer countryside, be weary of drunken young girls roaming for a party...they also usually come in twos.
keep them eyes open.
peas
------
if ever the chance arises, i greatly support a six-day road trip around the island/country of iceland. bring a friend, a reliable car with all terrain wheels, a crapload of film, food that won't spoil, and a ton of expectations.
petur and i just returned from our trip and are back in reykjavik. isn´t it crazy to think that you exist where you are all the time. there is no escape. no matter where you are, there you are. i found myself so humbled by the temporary aspect of my lifespan on this trip within a trip. the breathtaking views, the glaciers, the icelandic horses roaming free in the countryside, and all of the natural oddities and unique formations that color and augment the vast elemental beauty of the island.
i had a great time, and hope that everyone, sometime in the span of their existence on this rock, get the chance to do this...it´s so worth it......especially if you have a friend who can speak icelandic.
biggity baynard to the boogity bee
ps yáll, if you happen to sleep in your car at an esso gas station in the outer countryside, be weary of drunken young girls roaming for a party...they also usually come in twos.
keep them eyes open.
peas
------
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Sunday, October 05, 2003
well here i am. the name might seem like it´s just a geographically and purposefully misnamed island, but is it cold as ice? the answer is yes.
after being here for a week, i can tell you that there is a comforting silence at night, a calm surge of life and activities during the day, and if there are bar fights, then the fireworks come out. icelanders are hospitable and keen on logic. the other side to most of the clubbers and nightlifers is that they party hearty. very hearty. if iceland was a soup it would be sheep-cheeks stew gombo. or something like that.
in other words, it´s not america and that´s good enough for now.
yipperdoo
takk.
after being here for a week, i can tell you that there is a comforting silence at night, a calm surge of life and activities during the day, and if there are bar fights, then the fireworks come out. icelanders are hospitable and keen on logic. the other side to most of the clubbers and nightlifers is that they party hearty. very hearty. if iceland was a soup it would be sheep-cheeks stew gombo. or something like that.
in other words, it´s not america and that´s good enough for now.
yipperdoo
takk.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Monday, September 22, 2003
and all at once
she becomes
real
a fairy tale
a vapor
a daydream manifesting
born out from a lick of silver
she slowly walked towards me
took my hand in hers
an led me away
her tawny limbs swaying
the light of the sun beaming through the strands of her hair
then in that bright moment
it all disappears
my fingers pass through her
nothing is left but dim memories and sadness
and all at once
She becomes real
...
she becomes
real
a fairy tale
a vapor
a daydream manifesting
born out from a lick of silver
she slowly walked towards me
took my hand in hers
an led me away
her tawny limbs swaying
the light of the sun beaming through the strands of her hair
then in that bright moment
it all disappears
my fingers pass through her
nothing is left but dim memories and sadness
and all at once
She becomes real
...
okay okay okay
another nonsensical rant:
NALGENE
everyone's got one. where's yours?? it's the colest piece of poly-urethyne plastic container ever. it's a water bottle. a water bottle! that's it.
but, everyone has to have one. wheter gray with a blue top, pink with a red top, or cobalt with a gray top, everyone's gotta have their nalgene botttle, can't go anywhere without my nalgene bottle.
oh my god where's your nalgene bottle?
my nalgene bottle?
yes your nalgene bottle...everyone's got one.
hmmm, i don't have one.
well, now you're out of the club.
in all due respect to water drinkers of the hipster persuasion...
...it's just a water bottle. the fact that you can put hot water in it without it melting is just a yipperdoo. just because everyone has a hip item, doesn't make it less unique.
this is all.
bay
ps-i used to have one of these things too, but back then it was just called a water bottle for camping. so yeah...
another nonsensical rant:
NALGENE
everyone's got one. where's yours?? it's the colest piece of poly-urethyne plastic container ever. it's a water bottle. a water bottle! that's it.
but, everyone has to have one. wheter gray with a blue top, pink with a red top, or cobalt with a gray top, everyone's gotta have their nalgene botttle, can't go anywhere without my nalgene bottle.
oh my god where's your nalgene bottle?
my nalgene bottle?
yes your nalgene bottle...everyone's got one.
hmmm, i don't have one.
well, now you're out of the club.
in all due respect to water drinkers of the hipster persuasion...
...it's just a water bottle. the fact that you can put hot water in it without it melting is just a yipperdoo. just because everyone has a hip item, doesn't make it less unique.
this is all.
bay
ps-i used to have one of these things too, but back then it was just called a water bottle for camping. so yeah...
Sunday, September 21, 2003
weederman23 (10:55:05 PM): i think miss hawaii is going to win miss america
weederman23 (10:55:11 PM): i am so excited i can't wait
weederman23 (10:55:22 PM): there's only her and miss florida left
weederman23 (10:55:27 PM): who'll it me
weederman23 (10:55:35 PM): i saw hawaii
weederman23 (10:55:38 PM): it is.......
weederman23 (10:55:50 PM): miss florida
weederman23 (10:55:52 PM): boo
weederman23 (10:55:59 PM): i wanted it to be miss hawaii
weederman23 (10:56:07 PM): this is silly
weederman23 (10:56:15 PM): mow i am dumber
weederman23 (10:55:11 PM): i am so excited i can't wait
weederman23 (10:55:22 PM): there's only her and miss florida left
weederman23 (10:55:27 PM): who'll it me
weederman23 (10:55:35 PM): i saw hawaii
weederman23 (10:55:38 PM): it is.......
weederman23 (10:55:50 PM): miss florida
weederman23 (10:55:52 PM): boo
weederman23 (10:55:59 PM): i wanted it to be miss hawaii
weederman23 (10:56:07 PM): this is silly
weederman23 (10:56:15 PM): mow i am dumber
Saturday, September 20, 2003
lost in translation:
whatever you may think about it being bad, you're wrong.
well even if you're not wrong, it a fantabulous film. a quiet at times beautiful romantic story about two souls in a state of reassessment. bill murray is so damn brilliant as he plays this over-the-hump dishevelled actor in japan shooting a whiskey commercial. scarlett johansson is a perfect counterpoise to him ans she plays a girl-of-access just beginning her life, and trying to find out what it is she'll do with it. aside from the humanistic asspects of desire and lonliness, tokyo is a perfect setting in playing a subtle third character. it is both loud and sparkly at the same time alienating and brash.
i am not too good at reviews as i am out of practice and what not, but believe this:
lost in translation is damn good.
i think that's it for today.
-----
whatever you may think about it being bad, you're wrong.
well even if you're not wrong, it a fantabulous film. a quiet at times beautiful romantic story about two souls in a state of reassessment. bill murray is so damn brilliant as he plays this over-the-hump dishevelled actor in japan shooting a whiskey commercial. scarlett johansson is a perfect counterpoise to him ans she plays a girl-of-access just beginning her life, and trying to find out what it is she'll do with it. aside from the humanistic asspects of desire and lonliness, tokyo is a perfect setting in playing a subtle third character. it is both loud and sparkly at the same time alienating and brash.
i am not too good at reviews as i am out of practice and what not, but believe this:
lost in translation is damn good.
i think that's it for today.
-----
Friday, September 19, 2003
if you're going to eat crappy, don't eat this crappy:
breakfast:
1/4th digiorno slice supreme spicy chicken pizza
orangina
lunch:
everything bagel with butter/jam
two bottles of water
calistoga
dinner:
sunkist soda
1/2 bowl of pad thai
egg sandwich
i feel like crapping and hurling at the same time.
---
breakfast:
1/4th digiorno slice supreme spicy chicken pizza
orangina
lunch:
everything bagel with butter/jam
two bottles of water
calistoga
dinner:
sunkist soda
1/2 bowl of pad thai
egg sandwich
i feel like crapping and hurling at the same time.
---
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
there's something about the berkeley/oakland white hipster. usually sruffy or fashionably unique. there are girls with striped armbands and cords walking dogs with pink bows, or boys with black dickies just tight enough to counterpoise their newly aquired print vintage shirt. you see the activist nature granola honeycombscrub mielsoap wielding honeysuckle branch wax shoe doc marten rockstar i give a fuck demeanor. the white-dreadlocked neo-rastafarian macheavellian. ladies in paisley spaghetti-strapped summer frocks with pattern skirts flowwing in the afternoon breezes whilst riding on bicycles barely pieced together, but ultimately hip and user-friendly.
yes, there's no gettingaround or though them, because odds are you might be one.
yes, there's no gettingaround or though them, because odds are you might be one.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
not to be a subversive or nothing, but chiggity check this newest revelation of governmental excrement soon to be in a wallet near you!!
http://www.msnbc.com/news/963635.asp#BODY
hey america! no matter how much color you add to bits of paper, you suck ass. i'm sorry, it's too late to play catch up with all of the other nations with a soul...boo hoo to you too.
...that is all...
baystar one
http://www.msnbc.com/news/963635.asp#BODY
hey america! no matter how much color you add to bits of paper, you suck ass. i'm sorry, it's too late to play catch up with all of the other nations with a soul...boo hoo to you too.
...that is all...
baystar one
Saturday, September 06, 2003
weederman23 says:
http://comingsoon.net/news.php?id=1365
Brent Rosenbaum says:
TIIIIIIIGHT
Brent Rosenbaum says:
I will be all over that
weederman23 says:
yeah
weederman23 says:
but c'mon
weederman23 says:
how many times can hamlet be reinterpreted?
weederman23 says:
really
Brent Rosenbaum says:
not hamlet. it's macbeth
weederman23 says:
but c'mon
weederman23 says:
how many times can macbeth be reinterpreted?
weederman23 says:
really
Brent Rosenbaum says:
as long as it's hoffman and not hawke, i'll be there.
weederman23 says:
aw shappapa your moutha
weederman23 says:
yeah, i'll be there too
weederman23 says:
focker
Brent Rosenbaum says:
You just don't get it. You don't seeee plays... snob.
Brent Rosenbaum says:
i think i'm gonna change my phone number today
weederman23 says:
huh?
weederman23 says:
not like anyone has called you
Brent Rosenbaum says:
time for me to move on to the 303 area code
Brent Rosenbaum says:
i know, huh?
weederman23 says:
whatever
weederman23 says:
303 is for suckers who suck
Brent Rosenbaum says:
fine... FUCK 510 then
weederman23 says:
five-one-oh!
weederman23 says:
my beard itches
Brent Rosenbaum says:
fleas?
weederman23 says:
no asshole, coarseness
weederman23 says:
dick
Brent Rosenbaum says:
coarse-dick-fleas
weederman23 says:
hmmm, i'm done
http://comingsoon.net/news.php?id=1365
Brent Rosenbaum says:
TIIIIIIIGHT
Brent Rosenbaum says:
I will be all over that
weederman23 says:
yeah
weederman23 says:
but c'mon
weederman23 says:
how many times can hamlet be reinterpreted?
weederman23 says:
really
Brent Rosenbaum says:
not hamlet. it's macbeth
weederman23 says:
but c'mon
weederman23 says:
how many times can macbeth be reinterpreted?
weederman23 says:
really
Brent Rosenbaum says:
as long as it's hoffman and not hawke, i'll be there.
weederman23 says:
aw shappapa your moutha
weederman23 says:
yeah, i'll be there too
weederman23 says:
focker
Brent Rosenbaum says:
You just don't get it. You don't seeee plays... snob.
Brent Rosenbaum says:
i think i'm gonna change my phone number today
weederman23 says:
huh?
weederman23 says:
not like anyone has called you
Brent Rosenbaum says:
time for me to move on to the 303 area code
Brent Rosenbaum says:
i know, huh?
weederman23 says:
whatever
weederman23 says:
303 is for suckers who suck
Brent Rosenbaum says:
fine... FUCK 510 then
weederman23 says:
five-one-oh!
weederman23 says:
my beard itches
Brent Rosenbaum says:
fleas?
weederman23 says:
no asshole, coarseness
weederman23 says:
dick
Brent Rosenbaum says:
coarse-dick-fleas
weederman23 says:
hmmm, i'm done
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
september already? what the hell is going on.
or
how much of our lives is left to a sense of "fate" and how much is pro-activity?
screw fate, create your own manifest destiny.
the days are too short, i wake up too late, stay up just as long, see less of the sun, see less of my friends, see less money, stay indoors a lot, watch a lot of movies describing unhappy people in unhappy situations finding life and love and having change happen unto then and creating change, taking charge of manifest destiny.
so stop staying the same.
evolve as the minutes do, everything changes, everything in transition...
...be in transition too.
---
or
how much of our lives is left to a sense of "fate" and how much is pro-activity?
screw fate, create your own manifest destiny.
the days are too short, i wake up too late, stay up just as long, see less of the sun, see less of my friends, see less money, stay indoors a lot, watch a lot of movies describing unhappy people in unhappy situations finding life and love and having change happen unto then and creating change, taking charge of manifest destiny.
so stop staying the same.
evolve as the minutes do, everything changes, everything in transition...
...be in transition too.
---
Saturday, August 30, 2003
it's funny.
nipples right?
just the name.
nipples
nip-ples
they sound so naughty.
no really.
it's kinda wierd though right?
...
or how male nipples are "whatever" and female nipples are "hello, how are YOU today?"
or how in the US, the nipple makes a female breast...
like you can show every square inch of breast flesh except the nipple.
oh no, a nipple, heavens no, surely not, i am so appaled and disgusted!
not me.
i like em personally.
and.......
scene.
nipples right?
just the name.
nipples
nip-ples
they sound so naughty.
no really.
it's kinda wierd though right?
...
or how male nipples are "whatever" and female nipples are "hello, how are YOU today?"
or how in the US, the nipple makes a female breast...
like you can show every square inch of breast flesh except the nipple.
oh no, a nipple, heavens no, surely not, i am so appaled and disgusted!
not me.
i like em personally.
and.......
scene.
still sick...
thursday: got bit on the face again by mosquitos, bit on the lower lip by a spider....yeah, i don't know how either. sipped hot tea allllllllll day at work. work! work?! yeah...
got a bloody nose at work too. i looked like i got punched by a bear.
my body aches.
screw customer service.
today: still sick, bloody nose, worked alll day, short breath, grossness consumes all chances of happiness.
thursday: got bit on the face again by mosquitos, bit on the lower lip by a spider....yeah, i don't know how either. sipped hot tea allllllllll day at work. work! work?! yeah...
got a bloody nose at work too. i looked like i got punched by a bear.
my body aches.
screw customer service.
today: still sick, bloody nose, worked alll day, short breath, grossness consumes all chances of happiness.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
don't read this if you can't handle it:
i apologize ahead of time:
i'm sick
my throat is sore, a raw wasteland, thirsty and is like a heat cauldron capable of only phlegmming up gobs of acrid yellow and orange snot lobules.
my eyes are watery and constantly sagging and tearing.
my breath is short loud shallow and painful.
my nose is raw and the skin is torn and sensitive from constant blowing with multiple sheets of nasal tissues.
a mosquito bit my face below my left eye, and it looks a stupid as it hurts, and it pains!
my body is in a constant ache which lulls throughout my frame. at night i sweat, alone and miserable, unable to reach REm until i am to wake up.
i am tired and i had to go to work today, and i have to work tomorrow, and the day after that.
what i wouldn't give for a hot bath; a soothing primordial ooze to take all these pains away.
with my body ina constant sense of misery and cold-like pains, goodnight
gub-
i apologize ahead of time:
i'm sick
my throat is sore, a raw wasteland, thirsty and is like a heat cauldron capable of only phlegmming up gobs of acrid yellow and orange snot lobules.
my eyes are watery and constantly sagging and tearing.
my breath is short loud shallow and painful.
my nose is raw and the skin is torn and sensitive from constant blowing with multiple sheets of nasal tissues.
a mosquito bit my face below my left eye, and it looks a stupid as it hurts, and it pains!
my body is in a constant ache which lulls throughout my frame. at night i sweat, alone and miserable, unable to reach REm until i am to wake up.
i am tired and i had to go to work today, and i have to work tomorrow, and the day after that.
what i wouldn't give for a hot bath; a soothing primordial ooze to take all these pains away.
with my body ina constant sense of misery and cold-like pains, goodnight
gub-
Monday, August 25, 2003
Friday, August 22, 2003
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Monday, August 18, 2003
- an interesting observation that i have noticed recently, is the exponential increase of alcoholic consumption, post BA-graduation. not that this is necessarily a bad thing. it is maybe a sign of release, celebration with friends, a symbol of the numerous parties you are now free and privvy to attend, and yes, even perhaps you are more popular now that you don't always have an excuse to not hang out.
- the reality of this may be though, that it is not a sign of these things. perhaps it is a warning sign. the slow and sure self-severences from rational thought, maintaining equillibrium, and the harsh maintenence of bodily homeostasis. it is a crazy world out there and everything in moderation, you know?
- so if it is a celebration, then how long can this party last? it's been about 3 months since i walked the stage, and i have steadily increased the consumption of alcohol, fom sometimes to near once a day. while i see this as a pattern developing, it is also interesting to note the combination of that activity with bicycle riding, walking alot, heavy lifting, and general romping; as if these things found a balance at all. rather, i guess i will try and see where this path takes me and see when the celebration has lasted too long.
- life is funny, so laugh it up focker.
- the reality of this may be though, that it is not a sign of these things. perhaps it is a warning sign. the slow and sure self-severences from rational thought, maintaining equillibrium, and the harsh maintenence of bodily homeostasis. it is a crazy world out there and everything in moderation, you know?
- so if it is a celebration, then how long can this party last? it's been about 3 months since i walked the stage, and i have steadily increased the consumption of alcohol, fom sometimes to near once a day. while i see this as a pattern developing, it is also interesting to note the combination of that activity with bicycle riding, walking alot, heavy lifting, and general romping; as if these things found a balance at all. rather, i guess i will try and see where this path takes me and see when the celebration has lasted too long.
- life is funny, so laugh it up focker.
Saturday, August 16, 2003
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
because neither one of us, wants to be the first to say goodbye.
single. pshaww. who gives a flying funk eh? like it's a god damn curse or something like that. please. i could care less really.
the fact that there are so many people out there in the world who are looking, should mean that in all probablility, i should have had a partner by now. but those are all of the ugly people. there, i said it. ugly. there are a million ladies and gentlemen out there, and about 87% of them are ugly.
it's not that they're physically ugly, although that could be it too, but they are emotionally tainted, crass, over-expectant, and anal-retentively selective. it;s those kinds of traits that push and smell and fester and cause disdain.
so screw that.
i enjoy having time to myself, watching old audrey hepburn movies, sitting in my room and doing nothing, talking to my shoes, painting small porcelin chickens, and buttering my shirts.
that's happiness.
what is satire and what is truth?
single. pshaww. who gives a flying funk eh? like it's a god damn curse or something like that. please. i could care less really.
the fact that there are so many people out there in the world who are looking, should mean that in all probablility, i should have had a partner by now. but those are all of the ugly people. there, i said it. ugly. there are a million ladies and gentlemen out there, and about 87% of them are ugly.
it's not that they're physically ugly, although that could be it too, but they are emotionally tainted, crass, over-expectant, and anal-retentively selective. it;s those kinds of traits that push and smell and fester and cause disdain.
so screw that.
i enjoy having time to myself, watching old audrey hepburn movies, sitting in my room and doing nothing, talking to my shoes, painting small porcelin chickens, and buttering my shirts.
that's happiness.
what is satire and what is truth?
Monday, August 11, 2003
just saw "dirty pretty things" directed by stephen frears.
beautiful, gripping and above all played honestly. the story revolves around an african doctor turned overworked illegal immigrant insomniac and his friend/love who is an illegal turkish maid/factory worker. the pace and tone of the piece is beautifully and thoughtfully laid out and over the course of the film, we get a sense of realism that is lacking in a lot of popular films. there is a sincerity and a respect to the story which causes you as the viewer to not only sympathize with the characters, but also allow yourself to question for yourself, the nature of humanity, survival, love, and personal mores.
a high high recommendation for anyone who seeks those types of films where patience and hope hold special places in your viewing experiences.
i love this movie
beautiful, gripping and above all played honestly. the story revolves around an african doctor turned overworked illegal immigrant insomniac and his friend/love who is an illegal turkish maid/factory worker. the pace and tone of the piece is beautifully and thoughtfully laid out and over the course of the film, we get a sense of realism that is lacking in a lot of popular films. there is a sincerity and a respect to the story which causes you as the viewer to not only sympathize with the characters, but also allow yourself to question for yourself, the nature of humanity, survival, love, and personal mores.
a high high recommendation for anyone who seeks those types of films where patience and hope hold special places in your viewing experiences.
i love this movie
Sunday, August 10, 2003
Friday, August 08, 2003
what will you do today?
will you make a difference for yourself today? for others?
what can you do to change the world today?
will you change someone's life for the better?
what will you suffer if you don't?
what does asking questions do, if the actions implied behind them are not done.
today i intend to make at least one change.
what will you do?
will you make a difference for yourself today? for others?
what can you do to change the world today?
will you change someone's life for the better?
what will you suffer if you don't?
what does asking questions do, if the actions implied behind them are not done.
today i intend to make at least one change.
what will you do?
Thursday, August 07, 2003
i love her so much
this is true
genuine, delightful, enchanting, luminous
she is not corporeal anymore
she is dead and gone
lithe, beautiful, graceful, forever
i love her so much
there is only one audrey hepburn
only one, and never again
this is the love that will always exist for me
whenever i need it, whenever i need her
always and ever
this is true
genuine, delightful, enchanting, luminous
she is not corporeal anymore
she is dead and gone
lithe, beautiful, graceful, forever
i love her so much
there is only one audrey hepburn
only one, and never again
this is the love that will always exist for me
whenever i need it, whenever i need her
always and ever
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
i'm growing a beard
it wouldn't be so awkward, except for the fact that i haven't seen many asian men with beards
it's not busy, or svelt, or streamlined
it is coarse, itchy, and multi-faceted in its color schema
it's also noteworthy to point out that the growth pattern is sporatic at best, which is why it's fun to watch evolve
i suppose i grow because i have no one to answer to about it,
and it gives me a chance to stroke something other than the obvious
ah well, hair, as well as nails grow without provocation from the mind
so i guess that in the end, i'll shave it sometime and it'll continue to be a part of me
that is, the hairy, coarse, itchy part of me on my face.
better there than an ass beard, cause that would suck.
yay 2:22am
night
it wouldn't be so awkward, except for the fact that i haven't seen many asian men with beards
it's not busy, or svelt, or streamlined
it is coarse, itchy, and multi-faceted in its color schema
it's also noteworthy to point out that the growth pattern is sporatic at best, which is why it's fun to watch evolve
i suppose i grow because i have no one to answer to about it,
and it gives me a chance to stroke something other than the obvious
ah well, hair, as well as nails grow without provocation from the mind
so i guess that in the end, i'll shave it sometime and it'll continue to be a part of me
that is, the hairy, coarse, itchy part of me on my face.
better there than an ass beard, cause that would suck.
yay 2:22am
night
Monday, August 04, 2003
it's really not worth it to beat myself up is it?
no, not at all
i had a long conversation with micatron last night.
it was very .....normal and deconstructive of a lot of things:
relationships, problems, social isms, and what-not.
sometimes i tend to lean strategically
what i'm actually leaning on or towards to accomplish what, i have no clue
thus begins another deconstruction of the Self
my Self
mine
all me
me
...
no, not at all
i had a long conversation with micatron last night.
it was very .....normal and deconstructive of a lot of things:
relationships, problems, social isms, and what-not.
sometimes i tend to lean strategically
what i'm actually leaning on or towards to accomplish what, i have no clue
thus begins another deconstruction of the Self
my Self
mine
all me
me
...
Sunday, August 03, 2003
last night's larf
- i had dreampt that ------ had gone on vacation with me. as purely friends.
all night long i couldn't get to REM properly; literally "tossing and turning."
we talked a lot last night, before she came back to my house to watch the film i made, and nothing else.
we went to Au Cocolait, and i drank an amaretto steamer.
she talked of her past relationships; the ones after me of course.
she talked of pain, rejection, the nature of being alone, depression, and a sense of revenge.
i wanted to grab her by the shoulders and scream in her ears, "see! this is exactly how you make/made me feel! and the sade thing is that even though it's your turn now, you don't even see this!"...
to not be able to recognize this delicious sense of karmatic irony.
but as a friend and someone that cares about her, i do not revel or enjoy these shared thoughts. they are normal and sharply and invadingly personal. as much as i wanted to tell her those thoughts of mine harshly, i wanted to once again pull her near to me. and to know that i don't have that access anymore is pain...but what are you to do?
and yet i could not get to sleep
is there just one day...can i have just one fucking day where she can be ugly at all?
we talked of "editing a relationship" and how when you're attracted to someone, or trying to win their favor, you tend to not see certain "truths" about someone...because it might be too painful
in my case, my "edit" was her pain and capacity to hurt me
in hers, it was going out with a coke-head.
life is messed up sometimes, usually when love is involved
- i had dreampt that ------ had gone on vacation with me. as purely friends.
all night long i couldn't get to REM properly; literally "tossing and turning."
we talked a lot last night, before she came back to my house to watch the film i made, and nothing else.
we went to Au Cocolait, and i drank an amaretto steamer.
she talked of her past relationships; the ones after me of course.
she talked of pain, rejection, the nature of being alone, depression, and a sense of revenge.
i wanted to grab her by the shoulders and scream in her ears, "see! this is exactly how you make/made me feel! and the sade thing is that even though it's your turn now, you don't even see this!"...
to not be able to recognize this delicious sense of karmatic irony.
but as a friend and someone that cares about her, i do not revel or enjoy these shared thoughts. they are normal and sharply and invadingly personal. as much as i wanted to tell her those thoughts of mine harshly, i wanted to once again pull her near to me. and to know that i don't have that access anymore is pain...but what are you to do?
and yet i could not get to sleep
is there just one day...can i have just one fucking day where she can be ugly at all?
we talked of "editing a relationship" and how when you're attracted to someone, or trying to win their favor, you tend to not see certain "truths" about someone...because it might be too painful
in my case, my "edit" was her pain and capacity to hurt me
in hers, it was going out with a coke-head.
life is messed up sometimes, usually when love is involved
Friday, August 01, 2003
apologies for descriptions
____________________
arms ache
legs ache
that special burn
oxygen lack infuse endocrine system
in effect a boom for real
of physicality
the wheels spin
the sweat slips down
gravity is funny
buses like to hit me
feet slip
crotch grab save me from
ow, ow, ow
that's fine
home soon
through the street-shaver paved hot tar slick gravel
ache and sweat and hot shower
shampoo my escape from scent
and i'm home
-reflections of freestyle bike-ride home-
____________________
arms ache
legs ache
that special burn
oxygen lack infuse endocrine system
in effect a boom for real
of physicality
the wheels spin
the sweat slips down
gravity is funny
buses like to hit me
feet slip
crotch grab save me from
ow, ow, ow
that's fine
home soon
through the street-shaver paved hot tar slick gravel
ache and sweat and hot shower
shampoo my escape from scent
and i'm home
-reflections of freestyle bike-ride home-
Thursday, July 31, 2003
it's like fishing for a bunny rabbit in a fox hole, you're not likely to find one, and if you do it's been slaughtered and eaten. this is what waiting for someone's call is like.
i really don't mind loose plans. really. it's just the repetition of being let down and disappointed that really hammers the point home that you are replacable and less important than something. what that something is, i couldn't tell you, but it's okay.
if you want to hang out, call. if you don't, do me a favor and just call me to say hey, i'm tired. it's just a common courtesy, but it speaks volumes. that's all. i am not mad. just tired too of waiting for that non-existant call.
this is all.
i really don't mind loose plans. really. it's just the repetition of being let down and disappointed that really hammers the point home that you are replacable and less important than something. what that something is, i couldn't tell you, but it's okay.
if you want to hang out, call. if you don't, do me a favor and just call me to say hey, i'm tired. it's just a common courtesy, but it speaks volumes. that's all. i am not mad. just tired too of waiting for that non-existant call.
this is all.
Monday, July 28, 2003
after sitting here all day after returning home these are the things that i have accomplished today:
ate some thai salad
typed out 3 pages for the zine
watched too much damn tvee
listen to 4 motown records
got a splinter out from inside my heel
played some guitar craptastically
emailed some folkles and yolkles
sounds invigorating right? somehow i think there's more out there in the world to enjoy than this.
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
ate some thai salad
typed out 3 pages for the zine
watched too much damn tvee
listen to 4 motown records
got a splinter out from inside my heel
played some guitar craptastically
emailed some folkles and yolkles
sounds invigorating right? somehow i think there's more out there in the world to enjoy than this.
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
last night was fab. thanks to all that attended. sorry i didn't get to catch up with you, to those who didn't show.
to be honest, i was fairly intoxicated the whole time of the bulk of the piznar, and although i had to show everyone my shoulders to prove it, i was still very appreciative of everyone who came out to show their support.
film to me is the closest i can come to expression beyond what i have access to. the zine i do is a step in that direction, but with it's limitied limited pseudo-distribution, who really is going to peep it except those who might pass me by when i have a few copies for sell.
no, film can extend past these things. wheter good or not, we are a culture who is so used to watching, analyzing and experiencing films, that i am confident that if i put something out there that is respectful of that interaction, then only good things will come back to me.
remember, drink water and eat breads the next day or head-aches a-poppin'll come your way.
thanks y'alls
to be honest, i was fairly intoxicated the whole time of the bulk of the piznar, and although i had to show everyone my shoulders to prove it, i was still very appreciative of everyone who came out to show their support.
film to me is the closest i can come to expression beyond what i have access to. the zine i do is a step in that direction, but with it's limitied limited pseudo-distribution, who really is going to peep it except those who might pass me by when i have a few copies for sell.
no, film can extend past these things. wheter good or not, we are a culture who is so used to watching, analyzing and experiencing films, that i am confident that if i put something out there that is respectful of that interaction, then only good things will come back to me.
remember, drink water and eat breads the next day or head-aches a-poppin'll come your way.
thanks y'alls
Sunday, July 27, 2003
- tonight is the first major screening of my first real film. how do i feel? hmmm, excited, nervous, bewildered. perhaps none of those, and all of those. maybe my only expectation should be that people even show up.
you put all of this heart and time and funds into a project, and you are left asking your self was it worth it. in this case...yes. yes yes and even more yes.
how do you even evaluate your own work? it has become something so totally different, and yet still retains so much of that initial idea. this is strange.
...
end transmission.
you put all of this heart and time and funds into a project, and you are left asking your self was it worth it. in this case...yes. yes yes and even more yes.
how do you even evaluate your own work? it has become something so totally different, and yet still retains so much of that initial idea. this is strange.
...
end transmission.
Friday, July 25, 2003
2. The Pianist – Roman Polanski, dir. - @ the Albany Twin 1&2 @ 8:15pm, 02.14.03 *****
Only a few times have I thought to myself during and after a film, “this one is going to be important.” I believe the first couple were important too, but for different more spectacular reasons. This is not to say that this film does not have a sense of the spectacular within its celluloid grasps, it is just of a different nature altogether.
If you could sum up the feeling of this movie (which no movie that has relevance should be able to be done in, but…) it would be endurance; or perseverance, or faith, or luck. Who knows what one word encapsulates that muscle-clutch in the heart-space of your throat, or the cascade of tears flowing freely down tightly bound cheeks. This is an important film then, is whispered in my head throughout and afterwards reverberates with a solidified assurance.
The story’s protagonist is a pianist in Warsaw, Poland before during and in the uncomfortable aftermath of Nazi Germany’s WWII. We see him endure all throughout the first hints, rumors, and onset of war. We see his family separated, his freedoms taken, and his soul crushed over and over as he makes moves to live in light of certain dooms. It is almost too much to take visually; those moments when we see technological and overt psychological barbarism in its most horrific forms. You almost have to take yourself away and remind yourself that you are in a theater…this isn’t real. And it almost works, because the second you attempt this, you remember that this was reality. Shocking, yes. Real, in a sense yes. Forgotten then? I surely hope not or ever.
Without being stereotypical or expected, we see the echoes of the Holocaust blast through Warsaw. Also seen and heard are the thought and suffering of the Jewish peoples involved in the war. There are deceptively quiet calm moments that are placed so gently, that you almost too forget that war is an all-consuming beast that never gives in until other beasts encounter it. As I have stated, this is an important film. Not because of the Oscars which loom, not because I say so, but because it is something to experience and try to understand. It speaks truths and doesn’t apologize for being brutal. It is that way because it means to share and be heard. Rarely have I been emotionally affected for the duration of a film involving wartime, and this is one not to miss.
3. All the Real Girls – David Gordon Greene, dir. - @ Shattuck, Berkeley @ midnight screening, 03.03.03 *****
Simplicity and genuine performances entice the audience to see the budding relationship of a young couple. Zooey Deschanel and Paul Schneider not only act well, but genuine. I actually felt their connection in the face of her character’s (and his best friend’s) disapproval.
It’s a tale of meandering in and around of love. Exploration of love and of the Self. The main character Paul has had a poor history with almost the whole population of the girls in his small rustic southern town, but when Noel comes home from boarding school, freshly graduated and also a virgin of all things, she shows him that there is always a chance that a real love can make you reassess oneself. It is definitely one of the more touching films that I’ve seen this year. The acting isn’t forced, so you are vying for the characters to make sound choices. Even though those choices at times can seem rash, abrupt or painful, there is no doubt that we can sympathize with situation that are both believable as well as emotionally explorative. There is no need for over exaggeration as the dialogue is lax and comes across as hilarious at times. I thoroughly enjoyed the small-town-ness of the film. The setting is ripe for small town shenanigans and all of the kids in the town seem both disenchanted with big aspirations, and also comfortable with their situation.
The editing in this piece is very calm and less motivated by dialogue, time, or location. It is almost as if the poetry of simple situation gets the chance to explore itself and feel out chance encounters. This in itself mimics the pattern of information about the main and supporting characters. This story is filled with questions of love, family, the meaning of actions, romantic pitfalls and engaging oneself into life and not just letting it float by. Heartbreak and realistic conversations ensue intermingled with soft moments and beautiful scenery. A romantic piece counterpoised with poetry.
Only a few times have I thought to myself during and after a film, “this one is going to be important.” I believe the first couple were important too, but for different more spectacular reasons. This is not to say that this film does not have a sense of the spectacular within its celluloid grasps, it is just of a different nature altogether.
If you could sum up the feeling of this movie (which no movie that has relevance should be able to be done in, but…) it would be endurance; or perseverance, or faith, or luck. Who knows what one word encapsulates that muscle-clutch in the heart-space of your throat, or the cascade of tears flowing freely down tightly bound cheeks. This is an important film then, is whispered in my head throughout and afterwards reverberates with a solidified assurance.
The story’s protagonist is a pianist in Warsaw, Poland before during and in the uncomfortable aftermath of Nazi Germany’s WWII. We see him endure all throughout the first hints, rumors, and onset of war. We see his family separated, his freedoms taken, and his soul crushed over and over as he makes moves to live in light of certain dooms. It is almost too much to take visually; those moments when we see technological and overt psychological barbarism in its most horrific forms. You almost have to take yourself away and remind yourself that you are in a theater…this isn’t real. And it almost works, because the second you attempt this, you remember that this was reality. Shocking, yes. Real, in a sense yes. Forgotten then? I surely hope not or ever.
Without being stereotypical or expected, we see the echoes of the Holocaust blast through Warsaw. Also seen and heard are the thought and suffering of the Jewish peoples involved in the war. There are deceptively quiet calm moments that are placed so gently, that you almost too forget that war is an all-consuming beast that never gives in until other beasts encounter it. As I have stated, this is an important film. Not because of the Oscars which loom, not because I say so, but because it is something to experience and try to understand. It speaks truths and doesn’t apologize for being brutal. It is that way because it means to share and be heard. Rarely have I been emotionally affected for the duration of a film involving wartime, and this is one not to miss.
3. All the Real Girls – David Gordon Greene, dir. - @ Shattuck, Berkeley @ midnight screening, 03.03.03 *****
Simplicity and genuine performances entice the audience to see the budding relationship of a young couple. Zooey Deschanel and Paul Schneider not only act well, but genuine. I actually felt their connection in the face of her character’s (and his best friend’s) disapproval.
It’s a tale of meandering in and around of love. Exploration of love and of the Self. The main character Paul has had a poor history with almost the whole population of the girls in his small rustic southern town, but when Noel comes home from boarding school, freshly graduated and also a virgin of all things, she shows him that there is always a chance that a real love can make you reassess oneself. It is definitely one of the more touching films that I’ve seen this year. The acting isn’t forced, so you are vying for the characters to make sound choices. Even though those choices at times can seem rash, abrupt or painful, there is no doubt that we can sympathize with situation that are both believable as well as emotionally explorative. There is no need for over exaggeration as the dialogue is lax and comes across as hilarious at times. I thoroughly enjoyed the small-town-ness of the film. The setting is ripe for small town shenanigans and all of the kids in the town seem both disenchanted with big aspirations, and also comfortable with their situation.
The editing in this piece is very calm and less motivated by dialogue, time, or location. It is almost as if the poetry of simple situation gets the chance to explore itself and feel out chance encounters. This in itself mimics the pattern of information about the main and supporting characters. This story is filled with questions of love, family, the meaning of actions, romantic pitfalls and engaging oneself into life and not just letting it float by. Heartbreak and realistic conversations ensue intermingled with soft moments and beautiful scenery. A romantic piece counterpoised with poetry.
Welcome home private lynch: the building of an icon
If ever americans needed a new sweetie the time is now. Jessica lynch reaffirmed today that she is proud to have had the chance to be a captured and rescued soldier in an unnecessary war of politics. She’s proud for the chance to become an icon of the ability for all americans everywhere to forget the true tales of meaningless death, destruction, and murders in the forgettable war that didn’t waste time, lives, or ablove all money. She becomes now a beacon of hope for all like-minded militant white female america.
But wait…how can I too be proud of myself? Or proud to be a soldier, a storm trooper. A tool. But that’s fine. In her recent coming home ceremony, she looked as if she knew what she was becoming. She was uncomfortable and visibly distraught. Or was she? Maybe she didn’t mind it; being a propagandistic example of the strength and bravery of american-isms.
Death is so glamorous these days. Right? I mean if rolling stone can put a charred body within it’s able pages, then why can’t it be okay that troops are dying ever day for some dumbass reason? It is quite the safe place “america.” And these are our examples.
Does it not bug others to note that bush jr. has stated that saddam’s sons’ deaths were celebrated because they were murderers of innocent iraquis? LOOK IN THE MIRROR MAN!
So yay –merica!
You too can be a lone young rescued target, blazing with all of those keen american attributes. You will be able to say that you too are an american soldier, fighting for the freedoms of a people, with a straight face.
Welcome to the new state of the american sensibility of social responsibility and cultural awareness. Welcome home private lynch.
the water may be tainted, but man does it taste patriotically sweet.
c. bay milin
07.25.03
If ever americans needed a new sweetie the time is now. Jessica lynch reaffirmed today that she is proud to have had the chance to be a captured and rescued soldier in an unnecessary war of politics. She’s proud for the chance to become an icon of the ability for all americans everywhere to forget the true tales of meaningless death, destruction, and murders in the forgettable war that didn’t waste time, lives, or ablove all money. She becomes now a beacon of hope for all like-minded militant white female america.
But wait…how can I too be proud of myself? Or proud to be a soldier, a storm trooper. A tool. But that’s fine. In her recent coming home ceremony, she looked as if she knew what she was becoming. She was uncomfortable and visibly distraught. Or was she? Maybe she didn’t mind it; being a propagandistic example of the strength and bravery of american-isms.
Death is so glamorous these days. Right? I mean if rolling stone can put a charred body within it’s able pages, then why can’t it be okay that troops are dying ever day for some dumbass reason? It is quite the safe place “america.” And these are our examples.
Does it not bug others to note that bush jr. has stated that saddam’s sons’ deaths were celebrated because they were murderers of innocent iraquis? LOOK IN THE MIRROR MAN!
So yay –merica!
You too can be a lone young rescued target, blazing with all of those keen american attributes. You will be able to say that you too are an american soldier, fighting for the freedoms of a people, with a straight face.
Welcome to the new state of the american sensibility of social responsibility and cultural awareness. Welcome home private lynch.
the water may be tainted, but man does it taste patriotically sweet.
c. bay milin
07.25.03
i consider living in a basement one of the few things in my life that i can be comfortable with. i mean what's wrong with not actaully living in a real room? i have no walls or a ceiling; both of which are covered with multiple shelvings. my floor is actually a concrete slab which floods every time it rains. my door is miniature-sized, so as to accomodate tiny folk, and the temperature is an inviting 54 degrees on average. i love this place. yay area!
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