you gotta hand it off to target people. they really know how to get the entire male age bracket off their asses and into the stores. i mean, will ya lookit these two!!?
- lord vader and miss heidi klum -
(c) baystar_one...2347
you got to be thinking about the sorts of massage oils the genius who got this duo together for some promo, is choosing out right now awaiting their rubdown. it's gotta be peach. or strawberry. ooh or jasmine!
one can only guess how hot that dude dressed up as vader is. i mean, what if he's gotta pee? how the hell does darth vader go to the bathroom? and would you want to be pissing in a urinal somewhere and have this tall dark lord of evil mechanically-breathing next to you? he doesn't have a zipper!! what if he asks you to give him a little shake? ahhhh. you know what'd be scary? if you went into a bathroom, and found that vader was taking a crap in the stall next to you, and then he got mad and used the dark side of the force to crush all of the stall's walls down. so you're sitting there next to this sith jedi mutha and he's like angry still. then he looks at you and asks for some toilet paper; half of his mech-suit all loose around his jedi death-boots, a glowing red lightsaber gripped tightly in the hand that wasn't cut off. what could you do? i would probably pass out with fear or accidentally tip him over or something like that. right? and if you ask him something like what he had for breakfast, he'd probably stab you in the eyes and slice you in half. and rightly so! look at his mask man. this dude doesn't eat spaghetti! he eats that baby gruel mixture that robocop eats! there aren't any straws, it's a tube; a tuuube! in any case, it would be really awkward like that, especially if you were reading some brochures on tomato production in argentina, techniques for installing sprinkler systems below sea-level, or something weird like that. and he has a cape too! where the hell would he put his cape? like on his lap all folded up and tucked away, so that the toilet water doesn't touch it. what the hell would you do in a situation like that??
yeah. i know. absolutely no one is thinking about the answers to that, or even listening to me any more. no one at all.
all over the dweebiverse, people are simultaneously crying and screaming at the tops of their lungs towards their super-computer set-ups; the scent of stale pizza and beer wafting through their dark dens.
so, yay target, and yay brilliant (although completely at a tangent) marketing stategems.
tonight's homework:
watch star wars for me. not the new dvd trilogy with all those weird yet oddly explainable changes. not the widescreen 1997 special-edition silver or gold fullscreen mega VHS set. not even the digital transfer cleaned-up pan n' scan copy that's now under your table leg. no. i'm talking about that original-release old skool VHS scratchy-picture shitty-sounding corroded-from-so-many-watchings-as-a-kid version you got in that pile of nintendo games in your closet or basement. yeah, pull that sucker and pop it in the VCR. call up a pal and have a marathon. sometimes you just gotta show respect people; them old tapes gotta get some love too. also if you hold your breath from the lucasfilm logo to the opening notes of the theme song, you get a mad head rush yo; it also brings you good luck, like a leprechaun!
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