" well it's too late, but it's about time "

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yay. two bigwigs out. hopefully it'll help somewhere. i've conveniently translated this BJ-laced letter with lay-speak, so as to make it easier for us "normals" to understand. ie-ashcroft is evil

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Ashcroft resignation letter to Bush

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Posted: 0055 GMT (0855 HKT)

(AP) -- Text of the resignation letter, dated November 2 and released Tuesday, from Attorney General John Ashcroft to President Bush:

Dear Mr. President:
i love you, you smell like fun and evil
Nothing in my life compares to the high honor of serving America as Attorney General in your administration.
i killed so many people with your administration; i'm proud as all heck
The cause of justice is indeed a serious calling. Americans have been spared the violence and savagery of terrorist attack on our soil since September 11, 2001.
we killed so many people together, that there's almost no one left to kill, but i'm sure you'll find some more terrorists. also, i stole some of the presidential bath soaps that smell like money.
During the last four years our violent crime rate has plunged to a 30-year low. Under your "Project Safe Neighborhoods" the number of gun crimes has fallen to its lowest level in modern history. Drug use among America's young people has fallen and continues to fall significantly.
i have all the guns in my cabin, and i stroke it to your victory speech. a lot.
Corporate integrity has been restored with the work of your Corporate Fraud Task Force. As a result, United States markets have reinforced their position as the trusted allocators of the world's capital resources.
can i have my dirty money back? i need new underwear. i crapped my last pair.
Thank you for your leadership which has made these and many other justice-related achievements possible.
your head is shiny. i like walnuts.
The demands of justice are both rewarding and depleting. I take great personal satisfaction in the record which has been developed. The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved. The rule of law has been strengthened and upheld in the courts.
hey man, thanks for letting me sleep with your wife. you're right, she just lays there and cries. i owe you a fiver.
Yet, I believe that the Department of Justice would be well served by new leadership and fresh inspiration. I believe that my energies and talents should be directed toward other challenging horizons.
the latest thing i secured is a job wiping up jizz off of the local 25 cent porn booth floors/walls/ceilings. and i bought into that cool flowbee vacu-suck haircutter? those are great. need a haircut?
Therefore, I humbly state my desire to resign from the office of United States Attorney General.
hey, dude. dude. remember that time when i worked for you and we took away all those civil rights away from the general public? that was awesome. i'm surly and i intend to be the best conservative right-wing super-religious god-fearing loon in my daily life, as i have been in my professional life. hey, how's about next week you and i go to the cote d'ivoire to get some ice cream? i hear they now come in murder, mayhem, and massacre flavors. delish!
It would be my pleasure to structure the announcement of this resignation and the ensuing transition in conjunction with you so that your administration and the cause of justice are served optimally.
i desire to humbly resign you of your pants in your office. i would pleasure you and call you big daddy while your daughters watch. i will serve you jams and jellies using only my post-administrative tongue.
I have handwritten this letter so its confidentiality can be maintained until the appropriate arrangements mentioned above can be made.
i learned how to write! thanks KKK after-school program!
I am grateful to you for the profound honor of serving under your clear, principled leadership.
oh yeah, i owe you another ten-spot, cause i banged your drunk-ass daughters at that reception party last christmas. yeah, so should i also include that, in my official resignation?
May God continue to bless, guide, and direct you and your family as you lead America forward in freedom.
bless the pants off of me now that i am not working in the office, it's all fair game. also freedom is over-rated. we should start a treehouse apple-gang.
Most Sincerely,

John Ashcroft
ps-dude, we killed so many people. can i come over and watch you and cheney pick each other's liver spots? i'll bring the natty-ice and you two can dress up in women's panties while spanking each other, and i'll have my video camera. ah...good times.

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