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i consider my drawing skills to be that of a professional doodler. this is not to say i can do photorealistic portraiture, but i think if i had to scribble out a cartoon spatula or the occasional smiley-face, i'm sure i could rock it out with the utmost confidence.
but as of late, the drawings, they won't come. my hands go through the motions. i have this great idea in my head all graphically set on just laying it out on paper, and nothing happens. i stare and stare at blank sheets of paper that lay on flat surfaces; my hands unmet with the surface due to the fear of messing up the pristine spread.
i hate not being able to draw out what i want to. it is the most frustrating feeling, previsualizing a picture you want to draw, and then when it comes out, your brain and sense of repetition cannot meet halfway, so what you end up with is the last thing you tried to wing your way through only with a slight variation.
and another thing, how come i cannot break the habit of not ever being able to draw bodies in total. maybe the complete lack of training coupled with the 18 year-old practice of being a professional doodling scribbler, has molded me into this artist who can only do parts of bodies. i'm really bang up at hands, feet, individual eyes but not the face around them, 3/4 poses, but not the body below the clavicles, head shapes but not the hair around them. it's like i cannot make the pictures in my head manifest and it's bothering me.
so today i wasted a whole day trying to draw a bunch of crap that i couldn't draw, and i was having fun for the most part, but now that i have used a large stack of paper and the sun has set, it's like staring at a big stack of poo that has lines on it. and that feels great to know that i am not as good as i can be. the funny thing is that no matter how bad i feel i get sometimes, it never stops me from wanting to draw something new. that's just messed up in of itself.
at least there's tomorrow to suck again.
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