" the sounds inside your head "

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sometimes in the low DB sliver of night, you can actually hear radio waves, conversations, ghostly phrases, and indescribable sounds in side of your head. but maybe not. i don't know.

like this one time when i was six: i was getting ready to go to bed, and thought to myself that it was really really hot. my mom got me and my brother matching pattern pajamas; the kind that is sort of an awkward "one-all." the main features of this glorious garment being the zipper(which ran from the left ankle, up the leg, over to the midsection, and ended at the chest), and the sown-on felt bunnies which were having a party. hey man, i was six. bunnies were way in!

and the other weird thing is that all the other asian kids i knew at the time had them, in alternating colors just like me and my brother (yellow and blue respectfully). i mean, isn't that sort of strange and normal all at the same time?

...

so i'm all brushing my teeth singing sesame street songs, and wondering 'why am i wearing socks? if i had to run somewhere in a hurry, the plastic bottoms on the feet of these pajamas are sort of like socks. that's weird." of course this just made my toes cringe, and they silently begged for a release.

i climbed into bed and my mom came into my room to make sure i was going to remember to wear the clothes she laid out for me that evening. i was all "yeah yeah yeah," as six year-olds tend to bleat out at times. then i tried to go to bed. i always really dug going to bed around that time in my life cause i had this really rad return of the jedi sleeping bag that had super pictures of ewok families on it and stuff. i mean, who was i to not make them speak to each other? i was six and star wars is really just swell (c'mon, it's okay. just admit it. i'll make you lemonade).


i lay my head against my pillow and closed my eyes. a few minutes later, i heard someone say my name. i raised my head and looked around. there was no one except my brother in the room. i thought pretty much nothing of it and i closed my eyes again. i kept quietly freaking out cause of the voice, and was getting really sweaty in my one-all pj's, which is not as fun as it sounds.

then i hear a deep resonating thud. then another, and another in a slow tempo. in my little crafty kid-brain, i imagined a tall gray shadow monster slowly walking up to my house. it was really freaky. when you're a kid and in your head there's this monster is coming for you, and you have absolutely no clue why? that's like worse than sandpapering your butt!..um, although not from experience...it's just what i heard, somewhere.

i shut my eyes as tight as i could, until alternating flashes of colors and white brightness flowed behind my eyelids. in my head i invented a sort of people-mover/flattened escalator on my sidewalk, so that the monster could never reach my house. the scenario played through my tiny head over and over until i woke up the next morning. the sun was shining, and the monster had not reached my house. i was smiling and happy.

i got dressed, showered and bathroomed, and packed my school gear, then ran to eat and was ready to go. then my mom looked at me all funny and asked me where i was going. i said i was ready for school. she looked at me with this "my kid is so programmed it's nuts, but look at his outfit" sort of parental look. i was readily informed that it was saturday. after that nothing really made sense.

okay, i have no clue what that means in terms of the sounds, but i guess there's a moral in there somewhere. i really miss that sleeping bag though. it had these really cool drawings of chewbacca and the crimson imperial guards. that was always so cool.

star wars is so rad.

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