" sweet mama's biscuits...i mean, c'mon now, sir "

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i basically have a 24/7 super-job that requires me to be on the on-call whims of my boss-lady. she dictates and decrees the demands for her personal empire of which everyone working here must adhere to and follow accordingly.

i have absolutely no problem with that. in fact, i have an almost indescribable amount of willpower, patience, and a crazy-nuts stockpile full to the teeming brim of understanding.

but, when there comes a time and day where i might be able to go out, and it is soured by the lemon of normalcy. i have been planning to attend the 2nd world bangkok film festival, for quite some time now. i carefully planned out the shows i want to see, and made sure that there is no work for me to do on those dates/times.

i mean, it's in the ability to balance work-life and real life, that we as the working peoples of the world can claim sanity. it's not that much to ask i don't think. i think.

so last night i finish all of my translations, the voiceover work i had to do, the shoots i DV taped were labeled and set aside ready for the editor, and i got the OK from my producer that there would absolutely be no work today.

beaming with a gleaming glow, i tried to sleep, but couldn't much, due to the sheer excitement of the day's festivals to come. i awoke and had my backpack all ready to go. i made my way from the office all the way to the theatre(around an hour away). i made it to the ticket counter, after enjoying the 1900-1930's german film poster exhibition, and almost actually purchased a ticket; the words nearly escaped my mouth.

and then i got a call. (of all the crazy moments of interruption! jeebus i could bite my pillow just thinking about it!) i had to return to the office and prepare the shooting equipment, so that our production team could go shoot a lunch that our boss-lady was having. i almost imploded with disappointment, and my producer knew that i knew that he knew i was really really frustrated...but i made an agreement. if there was any work to do call me, and like a work-dog, i would come.

and of course i missed the program (THAT'S ONLY SHOWING ONCE!!!!!!!!!!). included in this 120 minute screening, a short film "the skywalk is gone," by the brilliantly frustrating magician, taiwan's tsai ming-liang. then to boot, a plethora of up-and-comer thai short pieces. it's just all so disappointing.

we went to the shoot, did the job, got the work done and squared away, and as i looked at my clock, the program had just started. it took us around one hour to do the shoot, and i DVed the crap outta those two menus; if anyone had anything to say about my style and technique, it would be only utter praise because i tell you, the shots were beautiful.

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hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... and so on and so forth.

like fire in my body, i seethed with occupational anger, and then let it go. there will always be another opportunity i had to tell myself as i vented(and continue to vent). but this is the best most current example of why i need to not work here next year; i must be able to go to film festivals if i need to, to walk somewhere and buy fruit on the street if i need to, to shop for crap i don't need if i need to. in a sense a huge let-down, in another, a glorious push towards future independence.

homework for tonight:

think about something that you enjoy doing. write it down, tell a friend, e-mail a close co-worker. then, go do it. go out into the streets and go do it. let nothing stop you from doing what you want to do. not the police, not the lack of time, not red lights or busses that have stopped running cause it's midnight. let nothing stand in your way, and set yourself free.

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