" super amazing happy fun time - a sarcastic interlude "

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all it takes is a flip of the switch.

i look down at expanse of my hands, and remember how they used to hold her in close to my body; the comforted feeling a direct result of a lovers' osmosis. it's the sixth-sense sensation of being able to feel her smiling, that made it possible for me to go on each minute of each day.

all it takes is an extraordinary amount of self-reassurance. she is never coming back to be the same person. that's okay. the rules of life and love are extremely varied and collectively unwritten. who is to say that anything in this reality is fair. all i know is that some of the most complex situations come from the most simplistic decisions.

i try and remain realistic and calm, and optimistic. i try my best to be forward and creative and a good person. i try and think to myself that since i have now two hands free, i can create whatever reality i wish. but there's something about the waste of a talent it is to have hands such as mine, attached to my body, yet floating free through the world, un-matched and dangling.

there's a sad reality afloat when the current global sexual frequency is around 137 times a year, and you realize that you have not had any sexual experiences of note for the past four+ years, meaning a lack of 548 times you haven't gotten none, and someone else has gotten some (involved or devoid of a love). there's a sad reality sinking down, when your most memorable and meaningful love happened, and then let you go when you were a teenager, and you're now rapidly appoaching the quarter-century mark.

all it takes is some muthaf'ing strength. the strength to suck it up and stop being a self-destructive sad little pathetic depressed-on-the-inside-smiling-on-the-outside-thing. i look down at the rough emptiness of my open hands, and remember how they used to hold her in close to my body, and for me the memory of that is almost enough to not care anymore.

homework:

i may seem weak-willed and overly immature about all of this, but try and deconstruct your own demons and see if you are any better.

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